Guest Speaker: Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Thank you everyone for voting for me.

Maybe I should rephrase that. Thank you for voting for me, everyone who did vote for me. Thanks to your efforts, I just narrowly beat out a Monkeyboy and a dog to have the honor of posting on Intergalactic Gladiator.

First off, who voted for that flarging EyeBorg guy? Are you masochists or something? Perhaps your time would be better spent shoving reactor core containment rods into your ears. That would be almost as pleasant as listening to his prattling about how he “almost beat his opponent” or how he is so much more cultured than the rest of us. Seriously, what is he a lord of anyway?

So anyway, I’ve helped Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator a few times in the past. The oddest thing though is that I’ve met his former sidekick before I even met Jon. The ghost of Jo Jo the Monkeyboy visited me after Christmas last year. He was trying to act all spooky and everything (a Monkeyboy cannot pull off spooky) and he said “Jan the Intergalactic Aviator, you aren’t showing the Christmas spirit!”

So I said “Yeah, except it is two months after Christmas.”

Then he looked at his scroll and said something like “Hey, you’re right! Okeedokee something something, see you later Janny Aviator.” It was somewhat obnoxious.

Check that. It was very obnoxious.

And some of you voted for his younger brother.

Why? I mean seriously, why?

Alright, so anyway, enough of this grouching. I had an interesting story that I wanted to share. I had a pretty exciting adventure a few weeks ago. I was making a haul across the Velden sector when I was attacked by space pirates.

As you all know, the Velden sector is bordered by two black holes and you have to be careful flying that area because of it. Space pirates use the anomalies that are caused by the two collapsed stars to hide from sensors so you don’t see them coming until it’s too late.

So I was flying through that area when three pirate ships popped up on my scopes. They had two medium scouts and a refitted medium cruiser. I wasn’t worried about the scouts, the Pegasus Elite eats those things for breakfast. It was the cruiser that I was worried about.

I had few options. Desperately, I aimed my ship right between the two black holes. I knew that if I could slingshot past them, the space pirates in the cruiser would never catch me.

So I checked the calculations and fired the rockets. I knew that the with the slightest miscalculation, I would either be sucked in by the overwhelming gravity or torn in two. It was my only option though.

So I was making the run when all of a sudden – Oh wait, looks like I’m out of time for today.

Maybe I’ll finish up this story next time.