Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The break of dawn

“Where are we going again?”

I looked at Hudson briefly. Was this guy getting dumber by the minute?

“We’re heading into town to get a power converter for the Danger Sled,” I answered. “You know, my ship.”

“Yeah, I know I know,” Hudson replied. “I just wanted to hear where we were going after that.”

“We’re heading that way.” I pointed out towards the horizon. “Just a warp away is Throneworld.”

“Yeah, and are we gonna see some pretty bunnies there?”


“You know, Bunnies. Honeys,” Hudson elaborated. “A hot piece of a—”

“Yeah, I hear ya,” I interrupted. “You’ve been to the Queen’s citadel. It’s hot and cold running women there.”

“Think I can pet their soft hair?” Hudson asked. “I like soft things.”

“Whatever floats your boat, man.” This conversation was getting a little bizarre for me. I have to switch gears. “OK, Hudson. I have the ship all locked down. If anything happens meet me back here. We’ll limp to the next system if we have to.”


We traveled the distance to the town. After almost an hour of silence, I heard Hudson grumbling. Normally, you wouldn’t hear something like that from the guy. He’s got no problem humping a couple clicks with an 80 pound ruck. The only time he usually complains is when there are giant bugs trying to eat him.

“What’s eating you?” I asked.

“Aw nuthin,’” he answered glumly. “George died last night.”

“How’d that happen?”

“I dunno,” the marine shrugged. “I took real good care of him. I didn’t squish him or nothing.”

“Maybe it was something he ate,” I suggested.

“Yeah, maybe,” Hudson mumbled.

We finally got to the town and found a general store. It was one of those quiet little towns with a quiet little store in a corner. Not a lot happening but the folks seemed friendly.

“Good morning,” the owner smiled. “What can I do you for?”

“Well, we were just passing through and had some troubles with the warp drive.” I held up the power converter. “You got one of these?”

“Sure do,” the owner smiled. “It’ll cost you 800 credits though.”

“I don’t have that kind of money on me,” I answered. “How about you, Hudson?”

“Naw,” he shrugged. “All my cash is tied up in stocks and mutual bonds.”

“Well, at least you’ll have it for retirement,” I said with a hint of sarcasm. Hudson seemed oblivious to it though.

“Well, if you need jobs,” the store owner interjected. “There’s a ranch just up the road. They’re always looking for farm hands. You two look fit enough.”

“What do you say, Hudson?” I asked. “Looks like we don’t have any other option.”

“I got no problem working at a ranch,” he grinned proudly. “It’ll be just like gowin’ up in Texas.”

“Just head right up that street,” the owner pointed. “You can’t miss it.”

“Yeah only I just got one question,” Hudson said.

“What’s that?”

“There aren’t any giant bugs at the ranch are there?”

Monday, February 26, 2007

Salinas V

“Well, it looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while,” I said.

Hudson and I were standing in front of the Danger Sled. We had a fairly rough landing but we were OK. Aside from the warp drive, my ship seemed OK, too.

“Yeah, so what happened?” Hudson had his right hand clutched against his shirt.

“This thing failed.” I held up a piece of the warp drive. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen one of these power converters fail.”

“So can your Emergency Repair Droid fix it?”

“Unfortunately, no,” I answered. “The ERD-21 said that the component needs to be replaced.”

“To bad, man.” Hudson squinted towards the sunset. “So can we get a replacement on this planet? Where are we anyway?”

“The charts say that we’re on Salinas V,” I answered. I looked out towards the vast field in front of us. A stream trickled past and several duck-like birds kicked around squawking in it. “Looks like it’s mostly an agricultural planet but there’s gotta be someplace to get parts.”

“Well the sooner we get out of here, the better I say.” Hudson mumbled, still clutching his hand against his shirt.

“Here we go. According to the map, there’s a town just a few clicks from here. You know, the funny thing is…” I looked at the converter. “This thing looks like it’s been chewed through. Just look at this wiring.”

“Chewed… through…? Oh man, uh… really?”

“Yeah. Say Hudson, what are you holding anyway?”


“Come on,” I said. “Let’s see it.”

“I said I’m not holdin’ anything.” The marine turned his shoulder to try to keep whatever he was holding away from me.

“Come on, Hudson,” I pressed.

“Alright,” he conceded and held his hand out. A small, fuzzy creature was in it.

“A space mouse? Those rodents chew through everything!”

“Yeah, but look how cute he is,” Hudson insisted. “Hey little buddy, want some cheese? You’re so cute, I think I’ll call you George.”

“Aw geez, Hudson, give me a break, will ya?” I groaned. “That thing chewed up the converter.”

“Look at this face.” The private held the mouse in front of me. “How can you be mad at a cute little guy like this?”

“Alright fine.” I swerved my head away from the rodent. “Just keep that thing away from my ship.”

“Okeedokee. Say Jon, I’m getting kind of hungry. Do we have anything to eat?”

“I checked. All we have are beans.”

“I like beans!” Hudson said excitedly. “Do we have ketchup, too?”

“No, we don’t. I checked.”

“Aw,” he kicked a couple pebbles into the water. “Fine. I’ll just eat beans without ketchup.”

“Whatever. OK, here’s the plan. It’s sunset now, so we’ll just have dinner and sack out. Tomorrow morning, we can head into town.”

“And I can bring George?”

“You can bring George. Just keep him away from my ship,” I reminded him.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Hudson: Topless

So there's a new gal in town, huh?

Alright, so Jan the Intergalactic Aviator is now on this blog as well. She's a hot little number so I am cool with that as long as she doesn't start leaving her nylons all over around here.

I think we all know why Jon let Jan start posting on his blog though. It's pretty easy to figure out, he brought her on for the sex appeal. That's right, he wanted more people to visit and be able to see the hot, sexy, pouty fly girl.

As we all know, Jon is married and married equals vanilla. Yawn. So how do you spice things up? With hot girlie action, of course. Except Jon forgot one thing. He's got all the sexy anyone could want right here. Check this out:

Aw heck yeah I look good. Even when cold and shivering, I can turn the ladies on with just a smile.

And you think I'm pretty handy with my M41A Pulse Rifle? Check out these guns:

My pert, erect nipples are on display for all to see. Jennifer Anniston's got nothing on the H-Man.

I should get this written into a contract or something. Hot, shirtless Hudson lounges for the ladies.

I don't have to be all shirtless and stuff for the ladies to be all over me, though. Check this out:

The difference between me and everybody else? I make this look good.

Yeah and occasionally, I throw on the ole tux, then people are all like "Wow, Hudson, you sure do clean up good." Of course I do, I'm the H-Man.

Yeah, so I know all you ladies dug that. Even when Private Bill Hudson, United Space Colonial Marines ain't got anything on, he's still armed and dangerous.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I am so smrt!

Testriffic IQ test

Monday, February 19, 2007

Guest Speaker: Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Thank you everyone for voting for me.

Maybe I should rephrase that. Thank you for voting for me, everyone who did vote for me. Thanks to your efforts, I just narrowly beat out a Monkeyboy and a dog to have the honor of posting on Intergalactic Gladiator.

First off, who voted for that flarging EyeBorg guy? Are you masochists or something? Perhaps your time would be better spent shoving reactor core containment rods into your ears. That would be almost as pleasant as listening to his prattling about how he “almost beat his opponent” or how he is so much more cultured than the rest of us. Seriously, what is he a lord of anyway?

So anyway, I’ve helped Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator a few times in the past. The oddest thing though is that I’ve met his former sidekick before I even met Jon. The ghost of Jo Jo the Monkeyboy visited me after Christmas last year. He was trying to act all spooky and everything (a Monkeyboy cannot pull off spooky) and he said “Jan the Intergalactic Aviator, you aren’t showing the Christmas spirit!”

So I said “Yeah, except it is two months after Christmas.”

Then he looked at his scroll and said something like “Hey, you’re right! Okeedokee something something, see you later Janny Aviator.” It was somewhat obnoxious.

Check that. It was very obnoxious.

And some of you voted for his younger brother.

Why? I mean seriously, why?

Alright, so anyway, enough of this grouching. I had an interesting story that I wanted to share. I had a pretty exciting adventure a few weeks ago. I was making a haul across the Velden sector when I was attacked by space pirates.

As you all know, the Velden sector is bordered by two black holes and you have to be careful flying that area because of it. Space pirates use the anomalies that are caused by the two collapsed stars to hide from sensors so you don’t see them coming until it’s too late.

So I was flying through that area when three pirate ships popped up on my scopes. They had two medium scouts and a refitted medium cruiser. I wasn’t worried about the scouts, the Pegasus Elite eats those things for breakfast. It was the cruiser that I was worried about.

I had few options. Desperately, I aimed my ship right between the two black holes. I knew that if I could slingshot past them, the space pirates in the cruiser would never catch me.

So I checked the calculations and fired the rockets. I knew that the with the slightest miscalculation, I would either be sucked in by the overwhelming gravity or torn in two. It was my only option though.

So I was making the run when all of a sudden – Oh wait, looks like I’m out of time for today.

Maybe I’ll finish up this story next time.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Time to vote

Who should the new poster on Monday be?
Major Rocksun
Jan the Intergalactic Aviator
Lord EyeBorg
Mojo the Monkeyboy
Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord
J'onn Sinew Nu
Dr. Destiny
Starkey Al-Hvmmmmm
Shamrock the Wonder Dog
Nobody -- I'm scared of change
Free polls from

Thursday, February 15, 2007

On Monday, we will make history

Blog history, at least.

I think.

I have a few more characters to introduce here first.

Professor S’Magmier
Home Planet: Not revealed.
Professor S’Magmier is one of the galaxy's greatest scientists in the study of Xenoforms. He is very knowledgeable of many rare species found in the Queen's realm and has been on many first contact situations. Ironically enough, S’Magmier has shown intolerance towards humans.

Lt. Falcon
Hometown: Fayetteville, North Carolina
Base of Operations: G.I. Joe Headquarters
Falcon is a an officer on the Joe team and a counter-terrorism specialist. Falcon is also a highly-motivated, competent Special Forces operator, not some cocky, ate up rag bag.

Lord EyeBorg (His title appears to be an honorarium)
Home planet: Not revealed
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
EyeBorg is a competitor in the IGE and occasional punching bag for Jon.

Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord
Location: Unknown
Queen Galacta's brother and evil incarnate. He will stop at nothing to end Her rule and conquer the galaxy. Physically imposing, cold and calculating, Galactor is not an enemy to ever be taken lightly.

Ah yes, there are many, many more interesting people to be found here. So many that it would take you a long time to meet them all. If you want to take a quick look though, go right ahead. Go on, I'll wait.

OK, thanks for coming back. Here's how we're going to make history. Look at all of these characters who've visited here and then think about who deserves to have his or her very own post on Monday (Earth time). In the comments tell me who you think should visit, we will put it to a vote this weekend, and come Monday, that new person will be right here with a post. That's right, you get to vote and it actually counts! Only in America, folks (well not really, but you know what I mean).

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Who are the people in your intergalactic neighborhood?

Major Rocksun
Home Planet: Not revealed
Base of Operations: The Citadel of Hope
Rocksun is the leader of the Queen's elite Strikers and is Her bodyguard, trusted aide, and liaison to Her military. He is a highly trained, no nonsense, soldier who strives for perfection in everything he does. He may at times seem cold and distant, but that's only because he has a job to do.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator
Home Planet: Not revealed
Base of Operations: The Pegasus Elite
Rough and tumble and always ready for action, Jan O'Mega is one of the galaxy's best pilots. She has accompanied Jon on a few of his adventures and has quickly become one of his trusted allies.

(No photo available)
Starkey Al-Hvmmmmm
Home Planet: Valdoria Prime
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
Starkey is also an Intergalactic Gladiator with IGE. He is a strong competitor, a powerful ally, and perhaps the galaxy's worst cook.

J'onn Sinew Nu
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
Sinew Nu is the Senior Vice President of Marketing and Talent Coordination for the IGE, which means his job is to think of ways to make the gladiators "marketable," such as dressing them up as cavemen or evil clown robots. On the side, Sinew Nu runs Sinewco Industries, where he produced Jo Jo: Portrait of a Sidekick Monkeyboy.

Dr. Destiny
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
Dr. Destiny is the catchphrase-spewing company psychiatrist for the Intergalactic Gladiating Entertainment. His credentials are questionable.

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr.
Home planet: Monkekbok
Jo Jo the Monkeyboy's father, he was once stuck in a time-space loop but then he got better. He wrote Jo Jo: Portrait of a Sidekick Monkeyboy and holds some position within the Intergalactic Sidekickery Phorce.

Mojo the Monkeyboy
Current whereabouts: On board a sentient starship.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Brand New Blogger, Same Great Taste

OK, so I made the switch to the new Blogger. I've been putting it off, but it's got some shiny new features so I just could resist. That and the page that said "You must upgrade."

Most of my loyal readers (or as I like to call them, Junior Intergalactic Gladiators) have been around for quite a while, but some of you may not know who the all contributors here are. This gives me the perfect opportunity to introduce you to the members on this blog. See? what a great segue!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator
Hometown: Chicago Illinois, Earth
Where He Works: Intergalactic Gladiating Entertainment on Planet Hacknor.
When he's not performing for the IGE Jon could be taking on space zombies, an evil galactic overlord, or singing at the Hero Lounge. Jon became an Intergalactic Gladiator to save his home planet, something the people of Earth will likely never know.

Private William Hudson
Hometown: Fort Worth Texas, Earth
Base of Operations: Hacknor Colonial Marine Detachment, the starship Sulaco
Ever since he was visited by, and possibly abducted and probed by, alien visitors, all Hudson wanted to be was a Colonial Marine. Loyal to a fault, Hudson can be trusted to kill all the giant bugs in the immediate area, unless he is in the middle of a nervous breakdown, of course.

Queen Galacta IX
Home Planet: Throneworld
Base of Operations: The Citadel of Hope
Queen Galacta is the successor to her father, the great King Galacton IX, and was granted sovereignty over the galaxy by the Galactic Charter (available to read at Galactic Libraries everywhere). Though she might occasionally show some naiveté towards the common beings, she cares for them deeply, rules over them justly, and protects them from her brother Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord.

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy
Home Planet: Monkekbok
Current Location: Second Banana Heaven
After graduating at the top of his class at the Monkekbok Institute for Training Sidekicks, Jo Jo was Jon’s loyal comedy relief sidekick until his face was disintegrated by an energy weapon illegally brought into the area during an IGE match. His known relatives include his brother Mojo, his father Jo Jo Sr., and Uncle Schlocky. Though he has gone to the great beyond, Jo Jo does occasionally show up in our plane of existence, proving that you just can't keep a good Monkeyboy down.

That is all that we have for today. Tune in next time where we will take a look at some more of the characters that have been found here.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Happy Birthday

Today is Kiera Ann Intergalactic Gladiator's fifth birthday.

It's kind of amazing that it's been five years already.

It seems like one minute they're sitting in a high chair with chocolate cake mashed all over their faces, the next minute they're in the back yard acting like a dog.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Yet Another Bedtime Song by Private Hudson

Yep, my daddy used to sing me all these really nice songs when I was a little kid. I showed you two of them before here and here. Those are great songs, but would you believe that daddy used to sing me another song sometimes? It was a catchy little tune that went like this:

Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh

Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh

Brain invasion goin' on in everyone
You feel the things that make your world turn angry red
Because the next time you can't take it
Next thought murderlation
And hate is all you wanna know

Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh

Murder one inborn into your every cell
It's in your blood and you can't shake it
Because you were bred to take it
Next stop annihilation
They bred the hate right in your bones

Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh

Because you were bred to take it
Next stop annihilation
They bred the hate right in your *&@$# bones

Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh

Hate is your mistress and you shall not want
You shall not want because your breed is strong
Because when they try to break you
New world desolation
And strength is all you gotta know

Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Hate breeders
Whoa oh oh

And all you know
Whoa oh oh
And all you know
Whoa oh oh

"Hate Breeders" 1982 the Misfits

Monday, February 05, 2007

This is the end. My only friend, the end

Silence bounced around inside my head, but soon enough noises began bouncing around instead. Shortly after that, I could hear voices and my eyes slowly began to focus on what was around me.

Rocksun, Hudson, and I were standing on the rooftop of the Queen’s Citadel of Hope. Shards of the shattered globe littered the area around us. Something seemed different but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then it dawned on me, the Citadel was humming with life. In the distance, I could see the normal air traffic of Throneworld. Aircars and spacecraft flew back and forth in their lanes.

“Wow, what happened?” Hudson looked around, stunned by what he saw.

“Where is she?” Rocksun asked.

“The Queen?” I asked. I looked up but didn’t see the battle cruiser that was hovering over us just a few minutes ago. “Where’d the ship go?”

“Where’s Eve?” Rocksun said tersely.

I looked around, she wasn’t anywhere on the roof. Before I could say anything, Rocksun quickly sprinted to the staircase and rushed down it. I chased after him with Hudson on my heels. The three of us skidded to a halt when we reached the Queen’s throne room. The Queen was standing near her throne with a puzzled look on her face, her courtiers and advisors were standing around her wondering why she had that look.

“Gentlemen, you are alive,” she said to us. “Though you three look just as confused as I feel.”

“Everyone’s here?” Rocksun asked.

“Unbelievable,” I said.

“But how?” Hudson asked.

“Everything appears to be just as it was just before our adventure,” the Queen stated. “It is as if nothing happened at all.”

“So that whole year that my troops and I spent holed up in that ship didn’t happen?”

“It appears that it didn’t,” Lombarr stepped forward. “We can run some tests, but I don’t think that we’re going to get anything conclusive. It seems that everything ‘reset’ back to normal when that device that was warping space was destroyed.”

“Pretty convenient, huh?” Hudson grunted. “I gotta tell you though, everyone else may say that it didn’t happen, but I’ve got the bruises to prove that it did.”

“You and me both,” I agreed. “I guess we should all be happy that everything is back to normal, then, right?”

“Agreed,” the Queen nodded. “Gentlemen, I am once again indebted to you. You have done your galaxy a great service.”

“Thank you, your majesty,” Rocksun bowed.

The Queen quickly called her royal staff together and a party was held to thank us for our efforts. Hudson regaled anyone who would listen great stories of stomping on bugs and after a year of living in fear, those who were trapped in the grounded space ship were grateful that things would be normal again. As the evening wore on, I lost track of Rocksun. I finally found him outside on a balcony looking out to the stars.

“She’s gone,” he mumbled. He didn’t even turn to look at me.

“Yeah, I figured,” I answered. I held up a green bottle for him. “Care for a drink?”

Emotionlessly, he grasped the bottle and took a sip.

“Hmmm, not bad,” he said. “What is it?”

“Rolling Rock,” I answered. “My wife says it’s a rock star beer.”

“So drinking this makes you a rock star?”

“No,” I chuckled. “I’m happy just being a plain old intergalactic gladiator.”

“It was tough on that ship,” Rocksun confessed to me. “I didn’t know what was going on in the rest of the galaxy, I didn’t know if the Queen was alive or dead. I just knew that I had to keep myself and those with me alive. Survival became our only priority.”

“I can only imagine.”

“Then when you guys showed up at the door and Eve woke up, I knew we had a fighting chance. I knew we could beat them. Now everything’s back the way it was and she’s gone. Back to the future, I suppose.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Yep, she’s gone.” Leaning over on the railing, Rocksun looked out into the night sky.

A meteorite streaked past, then disappeared into the night.