Monday, August 11, 2008

Night of the Living Hipsters, Part V

“Hey look a spork,” Dr. Porter held up the plastic utensil with a chuckle. “You have to love those things, huh?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Officer Reed shrugged noncommittally. “I’m getting real hungry. Here’s some mashed potatoes.”

The pair had made their way to the food court and were looking for anything that they could carry. Reed was eyeballing the food at a fried chicken stand while Porter was rummaging through a taco hut next door.

“Are you going to eat those?” she asked as she held up more flatware. “You want a spoon?”

“Heh, Spoon was cool ‘til they got on SNL,” Reed griped tiredly. “Now they’re just a bunch of sellouts.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Porter smiled, trying to be friendly. “Hey, you want one of these Beano Burritos? They’re website says their 100% fresh guaranteed.”

“Their website sucks,” the policeman replied as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets and shuffled over towards the doctor. “I know some dudes over at the Coffee Barn who could make a way better site that that crap hole.”

“OK, that’s nice. You want anything here? Otherwise, I’m going to throw it in a plastic bag to take along.”

“I am really hungry,” he mumbled as he shuffled towards her. “I don’t think I want any of that stuff though.”

“Well our choices are limited,” she cocked her head towards him as she stuffed the plastic bag. “So what do you want?”

“Brains!” Reed made a surprisingly fast grab for her and held her tight. Bizarre tattoos twisted around his arms and his face looked surprisingly different than what it did just a short while ago, like some sort of twisted mockery of a human face.

Dr. Porter screamed uncharacteristically and tried to squirm away. Officer Reed held her tight in a supernaturally strong grip though, keeping her from pulling free.

“Bu---w—why?” she managed to whimper.

“Life sucks then you die,” he mumbled disinterestedly. “Think I’ll just help you along.”

“Hold it Reed!” I yelled. “Let her go.”

I was twenty feet away and I had my pistol aimed at his head. I slowly stepped to the side to try to get a better shot at him, but whatever was left of Officer Reed realized this and he turned himself to keep Dr. Porter in the line of fire.

“So hungry…” he mumbled.

“Please let me go…” Porter nearly burst into tears.

“So hungry…” Reed repeated. “Just one bite.”

“Drop her or I’ll drop you.” I twisted my head to the side and looked through the sites of Betsy sideways. You know, to look cool.

The doctor drove her elbow into his stomach and pulled herself free. As she slipped to the side I fired at the former police officer turned hipster zombie. I missed a kill shot though and he spun her in front of me and disappeared into the darkness.

“Where’d he go?” I asked.

“How could you let him go?” Porter replied.

“Hey, I’m not Annie Oakley over here,” I said indignantly. “I couldn’t risk hitting you.”

“Well I can’t tell where he is,” she said as she squinted into the shadows. “He was fast.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “If these things are that fast, then we have something else to worry about now. They didn’t seem that fast earlier.”

The ringtone from a cell phone broke through the darkness. Porter quickly pulled her phone out of a pocket and put it up to her ear.

“Hello? OK. I’m here with Jon… Reed’s one of them now. They are? How could they….? OK. Damn.” She put the phone down and looked at me. “That was Jim, he’s just about done with his car but he says that a large group of the undead hipsters are gathering at the doors to the mall.”

“Here? Why?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head. “It’s almost like they’re being pulled here. Like some sort of primitive function, Instinct or memory. Somehow something here was important to their lives.”


Professor Xavier said...

Sounds more like "Night of the undead hipsters."

Vegeta said...

Blow up the coffee bar it's the only way.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

the lure of the know you wanna....

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Malls are dangerous places with zombies around.

Nepharia said...

NO, No....not Officer Reed....*sob*

Dr. Zaius said...

Undead hipsters are gathering at the doors to the mall? Ack! They probably have coupons!

Henchman432 said...

Shoot them. Shoot them all