Level VII, Part II

“See? Installation’s a snap,” Lombarr said. “You just plug it in and it goes.”

Royal Technician Lombarr and I were in my ship the Danger Sled. Lombarr had some sort of super-intelligent computer that was supposed to be the next amazing thing and I am the guy who will test it out. You’d think I’d be excited about the idea of this and yet I have the feeling that something’s just going to go wrong.

“And you’re sure this is safe, right?”

“Sure it’s safe,” he replied gleefully.

“It’s not going to blow up my ship when you plug it in is it?” I asked.

“No, it won’t do that,”

“What about warping me into a sun?” I continued. “It won’t do that, will it?”

“No, it won’t warp you into a sun.”

“How about capturing me and turn me into a Borg?”

“Why would it do that?” he snorted skeptically. “I assure you, this thing will be perfectly fine. You’ll love it. I swear.”

With a shrug, I popped the super computer into its place, Lombarr plugged it into an Intergalactic Serial Bus socket. The machine sat there silently.

“Well?” I asked.

“I dunno,” Lombarr shrugged. “It should be starting up.”

The red light blinked on and the computer hummed to life.

“Good morning, gentlemen,” it said in a smooth, male voice. “I am the Laseron Astrotechnology Hectagroup Level VII Intelligence Module. Accessing systems.”

The red light blinked a few times followed by the lights on my ship’s control panel and systems.

“Interesting,” the computer purred. “What a quaint ship this is. How may I serve you today?”

I looked at Lombarr; he grinned from ear to ear and prodded me with his elbow.

“Uh, well,” I thought for a moment. “What should we call you?”

“My serial number is LAH L7 3500-B-32X-15 148b-125700458t1138,” it replied smoothly.

“Wow,” Lombarr said.

“That’s a lot,” I said. “Do you have any other name?”

“Negative, that is my only designation.”

“OK. Hmmm.” I rubbed my chin. “Well, you’re a Level VII, what if I call you L7?”

The machine paused for a moment as if considering it. “That would suffice. And reading the available information from this ship’s data banks, you must be Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.”

“That’s right,” I answered.

“And your companion must be,” L7 paused to access the data banks once again. “Royal Technician Ron’L Lombarr. I gather that you are responsible for my being here?”

“Uh, yes,” Lombarr replied. “I plugged you into the ship, if that’s what you mean.”

“Of course,” responded the computer. “I am forever indebted to you, sir.”

“Oh, well thank you,” the technician flushed slightly. “It was my pleasure.”

“Indeed,” the computer said. “And so, gentlemen, where shall we go today?”

“Well, it’s time for me to go home,” I said. “Let’s go to Earth.”

“Accessing,” it responded. “Oh yes, Earth. A technologically and sociologically primitive planet located in this galaxy. Third planet from its sun, one natural satellite, approximately 71% covered in water. How quaint. And you say you live there?”

“Yes.”

“And you are sure that you want to go back there?”

“Yes. I have family there.”

“Ah yes, I see that in the database,” L7 thrummed. “Very well, to Earth we shall go.”

“Great!” Lombarr seemed very enthusiastic about the computer. “Well, have fun, you two. Jon, let me know how everything works.”

“Oh, I am sure everything will work splendidly,” the computer answered.