Issues

My fellow Americans, there are a lot of important issues being talked about right now. Seems like issues are kind of like the weather – there’s a lot of talking about the issues, but no one’s doing anything about the issues.

(Hold for laughter)

That’s why I am here tonight, to talk about one very important issue facing our country today – the economy. Let me assure you that my economic plan is way better than all the other candidates. Way, way better. Totally better. Is it a million times better, as my daughter would ask? A million is a lot and that’s tough to gauge, but at this juncture I would like to say yes. Yes, it is.

When I talked to Joe the Plumber the other day, he was worried about losing his job and his home because of our current economic troubles. Well I say to you now, Joe the Plumber, yes we can! Yes we can fight for a better America, yes we can fight for a better tomorrow, yes we can do our jobs and come home safe and secure in the fact that our homes are our own.

Thank you.

There’s another issue facing this campaign and it’s one of character. Someone likes to think that he or she and his or her running mate are mavericks and that it’s going to take a maverick to stick it to those lazy fatcats in Washington. But let me tell you right now, they are not the mavericks, I am the maverick.

See?

That’s right, I’m the maverick. I’m so far out of Washington that they don’t even see me coming. I’m that mavericky of a maverick. I am more of a maverick than all the other mavericks and their maverickocity doesn’t even come close to my mavericktude. My maverick is maverick maverick. As Papa Maverick used to say on the Mavericks, one of my favorite cartoons when I was growing up “Maverick for your lives, my little Mavericks.” Maverick maverick maverick.

Maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick. Maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick, maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick… maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick. Maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick; averick maverick (maverick maverick maverick) maverick maverick.

So in conclusion, maverick.

Thank you and goodnight.