Jan the Intergalactic Aviator: I Support Jon

When I look out at who’s running for president of the United States of America in this election, a lot of things come to mind.

The first thing that comes to mind is “Which candidate has the credentials to save us from a Wendigo attack?” I can only think of one person: Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.

The next thing that I think about is “Which candidate is most qualified to protect our country from radioactive meteors or other threats from space?” Intelligent symbiotes and other powerful alien threats have set their sites on our planet and the United States in particular. We need someone who’s ready for this challenge and that somebody is Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.

The third thing that I think about is “Which candidate is most prepared to deal with a time-displaced pirate ship?” I think the answer is obvious to all: Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.

The next thing that I think about when I think of who I should vote for in this election is “Which candidate is ready to negotiate with foreign powers – foreign powers who conventionally have not been negotiated with in the past – foreign powers located deep beneath the sea? Also, which candidate is capable of handling threats like the magically powerful avatar of Cyttorak?” That answer again, is Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.

The final thing that I think about is “Which candidate would I like to totally make out with in a hot Orlando nightclub?” Sure Dr. Zaius is up there with his musky manly (Apey?) chest, but the answer again must be Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. Too bad he’s married. Sigh, a girl can dream though, right?

That is why I, Jan the Intergalactic Aviator, am pleased to announce that I fully support Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator for president of the United States. He’s got the good people, believe me. One time I saw him attack a Golan IV space station single handedly and capture the commander after battling through waves of defense droids and station technicians. Sure, later he found out that he attacked the wrong one and was like “Ooops, sorry” but seeing him in action against all those troops from Pacifar IX was a sight to behold.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is a man of action, thank you and good night.

A vote for Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is a vote for freedom. A vote for Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is a vote for progress. I'm Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and I approve of this message, er well sort of. Seriously, why'd she have to talk about that whole deal from Pacifar IX?