Back in the Danger Sled

After Batman politely asked us to leave the Batcave (and by politely asked us to leave, I mean threw us out on our ears), Hudson and I got back into the Danger Sled and were soon rocketing across the sky.

“I can’t believe that he kicked us out like that,” Hudson muttered with his arms crossed.

“Well you did kind of desecrate his memorial a little,” I answered.

“How’m I supposed to know?” he replied. “It just looked like some Robin outfit in a big pickle jar.”

“Then you tried on that second one. From the female Robin,” I added. “Kind of tasteless.”

“That was for a female?” Hudson asked. “I thought it fit kinda funny in the chestal area.”

“What about that Bat sports bra you had on under it?”

“That was a bra?” He looked a little bit confused. “I thought it was some kind of bullet proof vest or something.”

I shook my head. “Don’t you ever think before you do something?”

“Of course not,” he said proudly. “A Colonial Marine is trained to leap into action without thinking. See if you stop to think, that’s when you get hurt or killed or hauled away by a giant acid-spewing space bug.”

“Oh look, someone’s trying to contact me,” I said as my communicator pinged. Thank God.

“Ah Jon,” Professor Xavier’s image flickered onto the screen. “I have good news.”

“What is it, Professor?” I asked.

“Good news is when you receive information that is uplifting or positive, but that’s not important right now,” he answered. “What I wanted to tell you is that I’ve gotten a debate scheduled with one of your opponents.”

“A debate with one of my opponents?” This is an interesting development. “Is it Dr. Zaius?”

“Ah no, it’s not,” he replied.

“Professor Monkey Von Monkerstein?”

“No, not him, either.”

“Dr. Smith?”

“He declined as well.”

“Tony Stark?”

“He is not returning my phone calls for some reason.”

“So I’m going on a debate, but not with any of the candidates I’m running against,” I said. “Who am I debating with?”

“Lancelot Link,” the Professor replied flatly.

“Lancelot Link? The secret chimp?”

“Yes,” my campaign manager’s image nodded. “He’s the only candidate who agreed to debate you.”

“He’s the only one who responded?” I asked.

“Well, some of the others did respond,” the Professor shrugged. “The less said about what they sent me, the better.”

“Why am I running against a bunch of monkeys?”

“Just another presidential campaign,” Xavier chuckled. “Since your last press conference didn’t go over so well, you really need to take this opportunity to look charismatic and presidential.”

“Charismatic and presidential,” I repeated. “Check.”

“I am serious,” he warned. “You need to work to disarm any questions about this Emma scandal or your dream quest.”

“Disarm questioners,” I answered. “Got it.”

“Speaking of your dream quest, how it that going?” Professor Xavier asked.

“Well, Hudson and I went to the Batcave—”

“The Batcave run by Batman, not the Batcave where someone sits on your face,” Hudson threw his face in front of the screen and interjected quickly.

“Hello Hudson, of course.” Xavier looked like he was using all of his powerful mental abilities to not roll his eyes at the marine’s comment. “That would be silly, how could someone sitting on your face help you find the answers to this spiritual journey?”

“See? That’s what I said,” Hudson answered with a blank smile on his face. “Paying some dude to sit on your face will never get you the answers that you’re looking for.”

There was an awkward pause as the Professor and I each fought bravely to not engage Hudson any further in whatever he was talking about.

“So, did you find anything out from Batman?” the Professor finally asked.

“Naw, we ran everything through his Batcomputer but it didn’t give me anything that I didn’t know already,” I replied. “Batman did suggest that I talk to Apache Chief about it.”

“Apache Chief?” Xavier seemed surprised. “That man hasn’t worked in what, 20 years? I think Batman was just trying to give his friend a little action, you know?”

“Oh that’ll cost him,” Hudson replied. “Believe me, if you want action, you’re gonna have to pay for it.”