Wednesday, November 07, 2007

WARTTR

“WARTTR, WARTTR?” I thought out loud. “What could it be?’

“Water? Oh heck yeah, I could use some water, too,” Hudson answered from the copilot’s seat. “I’m hella thirsty.”

“Not water, W-A-R-T-T-R,” I replied. “I just had another dream, this time with Franklin Roosevelt. I put all their names together and I get WARTTR.”

“Maybe you’ll get the power to talk to fish,” Hudson suggested.

“Why would I need that?”

“Aquaman can talk to fish,” he shrugged. “It’s pretty awesome.”

“Yeah but why would I have a dream quest with dead presidents giving me the power to talk to fish?” I asked. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“I dunno. It’s your dream.”

“Well I think I know who I could go ask,” I said as I lifted up my finger triumphantly.

“Who?”

“Not who,” I corrected. “What.”

“What?”

“That’s right,” I said. “We can go ask the Batcomputer. It’s the best computer in Gotham City, maybe the whole world. Setting a course for Gotham.”

“Uh, OK,” Hudson shrugged. “So where is Gotham, anyway?”

“I dunno,” I answered. “I guess I’ll just set the autopilot. Now, the Batcave’s location is top secret and nobody can know where it is, so I’m going to have to knock you out.”

“How are you gonna knock me out?” Hudson laughed. “Punch me? You couldn’t punch me out on your best day.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I conceded. “Hey, you said you were thirsty right? Here, have some water.”

Hudson took a drink of the drugged water I handed him and fell immediately unconscious.

“I should have done that long ago,” I chuckled to myself.

The Autopilot quickly flew the Danger Sled with Hudson and I in it to the outskirts of Gotham where I quickly located the Batcave and landed the space plane within the massive cavern.

“Wow, this place is cool,” a groggy Hudson said in awe as he looked around Batman’s headquarters.

“What are you doing here?” a voice boomed at us. It was Batman’s, of course.

“Hi, uh, look, I’m Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and this is Hudson and I, uh, wanted to know if we could use your Batcomputer, for a while. Please?”

Wow, he’s even more imposing in real life than I could ever have imagined.

“I know who you are,” he answered sharply. “No one is allowed in the Batcave.”

“Well what about Superman?” I asked. “I bet he’s here all the time.”

“Superman, yes. But no one else.”

“What about the Creeper?” I asked. “I have it on good authority that he’s been in here also.”

“Fine, it was just that once.”

“And what about the Outsiders?” I asked. “They totally hung here all the time.”

“When this was the team headquarters, yes.”

“Oh yeah, and I bet you bring Wonder Woman here a lot, hubba hubba!” Hudson chimed in.

Batman gritted his teeth and glared at the Colonial Marine.

“What? Hey, it’s not like you can park the Invisible Jet at a drive in movie,” Hudson pressed.

“Alright, alright, fine.” Batman put his hand on his head as if he was getting a headache or something. “Jon, are you here to find out about who posed as you in that photo?”

“No I, wait, you know it’s a fake?” I asked.

“Of course, it’s pretty obvious,” he answered. “When you look at the eyes.”

“Wow, right, right,” I said. This guy is impressive! “Yeah, Professor Xavier and I are still working on that. What I want from your computer is anything that I can find about my dream quest.”

“Dream quest?” he asked.

I quickly explained how I had been having dreams featuring physical combat with former presidents and how they are giving me their powers via this quest. I finished by telling him the names of the presidents: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Howard Taft, Harry Truman, and Franklin Roosevelt, how I believed that the key was their name, and how it was like Captain Marvel saying the word “Shazam” to get his powers.

“Hh,” Batman replied. “I have to admit that your story is intriguing and I think that you’re on the right track. But I am not sure what the results the Batcomputer will be as it is more of a crime fighting tool, but we can certainly run this through and check it out.”

Batman fed all the information into his computer and after several minutes of running calculations, it came up with information that I expected.

“Using all the information that it could get on the subject plus the data from you, the Batcomputer concluded that it is a dream quest and that you are very close to the end of it.” Batman showed me the results.

“So when I complete the dream quest, I’ll get all these powers and then become a super president or something?” I wondered aloud.

“I don’t know if it really works that way,” the Dark Knight Detective postulated. “I could get you in touch with a Native American hero like Apache Chief. He would most likely have a deeper understanding of what is going on with you.”

“That’s not a bad idea Batman,” I agreed. “I’ve been trying to figure this out the high tech way; maybe I need to go native.”

“Hey Batman! Hey Jon! Check this out!”

The Caped Crusader and I looked over to where Hudson was yelling and saw him wearing a Robin uniform.
“Check this out!” he grinned. “I am state of the Batman art. I’ve got everything in this belt, Batropes, Batarangs, Bat thermal nuclear missiles, Bat sharp sticks…”

“Hudson,” Batman growled.

“What? I just saw the thing sitting in the glass tube over there,” he said innocently. “I figured since no one else was wearing it, I could try it on. I don’t see how Robin can run around in this thing, boy are these tights uncomfortable.”

“Hudson!” Batman clenched his fists and growled. “Hudson!”

12 comments:

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Some advice for next time.

1: use a better computer, like an I-mac or something. That machine gave you a Microsoft answer: the truth, but no help what so ever.

2: Punch Hudson

3: Ask batman if he is just DOnal Trump in a Cape.

4: Punch Hudson again

5: Re-dream about the dead presidents and have them punch Hudson.

Karn said...

WARTTR?

Why... thats how we say Water in PA. We also have been know to say Whoo-TER.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

The sight of Huson in the Robin outfit made me really laugh.

It was better than nausea.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Please inform your friend army of clone that I do not want him or her leaving stupid comments on my blog anymore. I don't come to your or his/her blog and leave comments on your "campaign" posts that tell people to vote for me and that you are a "stupid" candidate. Obviously your friend has no blog etiquitte, so perhaps you should teach him/her some. I'm sending you an email with the same sentiments in it and please feel free to forward it to who ever the hell army of clone is.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Jon. I swung by and offered my apoligies to the good Doctor. I'll not tell him to vote for Jon anymore.

But I don't remember impling in anyway he was a stupid canidate.

Justice said...

you should ask Freud...


(if she emailed you then she should have left it that and just said she emailed you with something)

Hotstuff said...

Of all the things for Hudson to wear why did it have to be tights... my eyes!

Professor Xavier said...

Hudson looks a little like Al Bundy in that picture. Maybe it's a side effct of those drugs you slipped him.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Nice legs... *winks*

Batman said...

Great Gotham!

Fluke Starbucker said...

yes, go next to the natives... drink heapum good fire water... smokum fancy-pantsy peace pipe... tripum on the peyote...

Wait... that won't work... you want clarification, don't you?

Dr. Zaius said...

You can't fool me. Hudson has been wearing tights all along.

WARTTR? I smell a WRRATT.