Hudson: Trapped in the Closet

I was sitting there mindin’ my own B’s
When someone sneaked right up behind me’s
I got clobbered right in the back of my head
And I dropped to the ground like a fish that was dead
I heard a voice in the darkness say
“This will keep you out of the picture, out of the way.”
I mumbled “What picture? You don’t want me in a photo?”
The voice said “No I want you gone, you stupid dodo.”

And he bound and gagged me. He threw me in a closet.
And laughed “In here I’ll just make a little deposit.”
Then I think he left as everything grew silent
After this attack that was so violent.

I couldn’t understand who would do this to me.
And hit me in the head so violently
And throw me in a closet. Seriously
Now I think I’m getting a little hungry.
I hadn’t had dinner, and I know it’s about that time
I wish I had a C-Rat or an MRE or a pie of key lime
A hot dog, a Snickers, a can of sardines
Or a potato or an orange or a couple saltines.

Maybe someone would find me soon
As I am stuck in this mop room

I’m trapped in the closet.

Yeah, trapped in the closet.

Mmm, trapped in the closet.

I figure I’d be here for so long
But I need to focus and stay strong
Someone will get me out I am sure
Damn these ropes are so secure
The guy who tied them is no slouch
Did you know my favorite quarterback is Tim Couch?

Oh no, I was supposed to fly with Jon to Pittsburg at nine
Now I won’t get to use my “Two pickets to Titsburg” superfunny line.
That guy must’ve taken my clothes so he could take my place
Hah, that’ll never work, he can’t copy my handsome face

Another word for handsome is attractive or comely
But I’ll never get out of here, I’m trapped in the closet I thought glumly
To get tied up like this is something I might pay for
But only from the ladies, the H-Man ain’t no manwhore

I’m trapped in the closet

Trapped in the closet

“Hey, is someone in there?” I heard a voice say.
“Yeah, I’m trapped in the closet!” I shout out right away.
“You sure are,” he said. “And someone did a good job
“And I can’t get the door open, that someone broke the doorknob.”

To him I said “Did you notice that we are talking in rhyme?”
“Oh sure,” he said back. “I do it all the time.
“’Cuz I sure love Dr. Suess
“And Mother Goose.”
I answered “I heard they’re making a sequel to Footloose.”
“Just hang on a sec,” he said. “I’ll have you out in a jif.
“I’ve got to take the hinges off, but they seem a little stiff.”

So he’ll soon get me out, I’m sure I’ll soon be free
But until then I have to say that I will just be

Trapped in the closet

Trapped in the closet