Thursday, January 03, 2008

Oh, my belly...

OK, I admit it. I put on a few pounds over the holidays. It happens, I know, but an Intergalactic Gladiator shouldn’t really be showing off a large belly. You know, unless that’s his gimmick or something.

So I made it my resolution to drop 10 pounds and I was fairly certain that I could do it easily, but then I went to a New Year’s Day party at a friends and during the Rose Bowl (Illinois lost, unfortunately), everyone was all like “Hey, let’s have a hot dog eating contest.”

Well who am I to turn down a challenge?

So I participated in the contest and I won naturally, I am after all, an Intergalactic Gladiator and the blood of heroes courses through my veins, the adrenaline of champions wells up within me. You know, that kind of stuff.

So I think enough of that, I really have to go on a diet now, but then everyone was all like “Hey, let’s have a pie eating contest!”

Once again, I am up to the challenge. I love pie as much as the next guy, you know, and none could escape my wrathful bite.

Now I’m starting to feel all full and everything. I think I just want to sit down and take a little break, but guess what happens next? That’s right, everyone declared a corn on the cob eating contest. How could I possibly say no?

So I am absolutely stuffed from my victory there as well. I couldn’t possibly eat another bite when a couple guys started arguing over how many eggs a guy can eat. No way could a man eat one hundred eggs they say.

“I can eat a hundred,” I answer.

“No way,” they say.

“Way,” I reply.

“No way can a man eat a hundred eggs in one sitting,” they say.

“I can,” I reply coolly.

So one more challenge is thrown down and I am ready to go. I was eating pretty well at first, but then around 70 or so, it really started to hit me.

I got up to 96 and I could barely eat another bite, fortunately veteran character actor George Kennedy was there to stuff them in my mouth.

I won.

Man, is my stomach killing me. I think I need to go on a diet.


Dr. Zaius said...

You didn't eat the cobs too, did you? You are only supposed to eat the little niblet things.

I think that what we have here is a failure to communicate.

Kon-El said...

Who the heck decided the part activities Son Goku?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You've got to get your mind right!

Fluke Starbucker said...

Through my awesome powers of obviousnessity, I foresee that a severe gas leak may soon be detected on the Danger Sled.

Freida Bee said...

All you need is for your medical officer to run her little dealimibob over your body and you will feel much better.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Dr. Zaius, for using the word "nibblet," you win Commentor of the Day.

Kon-El, I guess. Does he eat a lot?

Captain Picard, that's what they keep telling me!

Fluke, if only I could harness that gas for good.

Freida Bee, a dealimibob? Come on, you're living in a fantasy world! ;-)