The Oracle

I took a trip to Tortuna yesterday and in a little dusty shop in a little quiet corner just right of the main road of the bazaar I found the most interesting item.

"We don't get hummings in here very often," Said the shopkeeper Geezi. "I thought that you were not a space faring race."

"There are excpetions," I replied, hefting the item and looking it over.

"Oh, that is a very mysterious and powerful device. It is the Oracle of Orwellia! There is only one known in existence. It will see into the future. It will tell you much!"

I gazed at the orb, it had a polished, brassy surface with some sort of window or jewel in the center. Suddenly it winked to life and I saw the future!

• The Patriots of New England will win their second consecutive Super Bowl, establishing a rare dynasty in the age of free agency and salary caps.
• A new television program about housewives will sweep the country with its blend of humor, mystery, drama and sexy situations.
• That guy next door with all the animals, yeah he has a dark secret.
• M. Night Shyamalan will make a movie that when viewed, seems creepy and chilling with a twist ending, but when reflected upon, seems trite and obvious.
• President Bush will win a second term, despite heavy critisism of his policies and administrations.
• Quentin Tarantino will direct a movie where all the charactrers just stand around waving guns and saying the F word for 2 hours.
• Joe will get hit by a bus.
• Brad and Jennifer will break up, tabloids will allege an affair between he and Angelina.
• Destructo, the Evil Galactic Overlord will forget to carry the 8 and miss the Earth with his Pulsar beam by about 12 parsecs.
• The Cubs will not win the World Series.
• The chick in The Crying Game was a guy.

I snapped out of the haze of the Oracle and I was amazed. The device knew the future and I must have it! I quickly paid Geezi and hurried out of the shop with my prize.