Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dirt Road Intersection to the Danger Zone

I set the Danger Sled down about 200 yards from the crossroads and trotted the distance to check out the area personally.

My mouth dried quickly in the dusty wind as I made it to the intersection. I looked around and kind of shrugged to myself, it’s a fracking dirt intersection. There isn’t anything here for miles.

As I reconnoitered the area, I heard a faint buzzing sound in the distance. The buzzing grew louder and I looked into the skies and saw an old biplane flying towards me from the North by Northwest.

“Nice crop duster,” I chuckled to myself. “Not a lot of crops around here.”

I watched as the plane flew closer and closer towards me and then I had one of those revelations: the pilot’s coming after me. I turned and ran to try to get away from it, finally diving to the ground as it overtook me.

“You stupid bastard!” I shook my fist at the plane. “You got my nice suit all dirty!”

Apparently, the pilot wasn’t satisfied with dirtying up my clothes and circled around for another run at me. I turned and ran towards a cornfield, the only thing in the area that might offer me a modicum of concealment. I heard machine gun fire start up from the plane and bullets whizzed past me, kicking up dirt all around.

“This is gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better,” I muttered to myself. I dove to the ground again and as the plane passed by me a second time, I fired my Wirstcomm at it. I shook my head as the plane began lazily circle around once more, unhindered by my counterattack.

As plane aimed straight towards me, I heard a different sound. Gunfire… From behind me. I turned and saw that FBI agent firing her pistol up at the plane.

“Come on you pinko!” She shouted defiantly while shooting round after round at the plane. “Come on, you stinking bastard, plant one right here. Come on!”

Smoke erupted from the side of the biplane and the propeller sputtered. The craft limped past us before skidding into the ground and erupting into a fireball.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in amazement.

“Looks like I’m saving your bacon, buddy,” she answered with a smirk.


Batman said...

this seems familar somehow...

SHI said...

okay remember your married now Jon

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Audrey Hanson always seems to be showing up!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Batman -- Yeah, Agent Hanson standing down that plane kind of reminds me from the scene in Patton where he did the same.

Shi -- Yep. I wouldn't forget. It's not like I'm going to glom myself over any member of the opposite gender that comes my way, creating a sophomoric bout of jealousy from the one person I am destined to love and be with forever, right?

Captain -- Well, she's no Private Hudson, but with her cool confidence and her ability to shoot down planes, I'll take her in a pinch.

Gyrobo said...

There's a lesson to be learned here: don't watch TV while flying a crop duster. People shoot at you.

Bathroom Hippo said...

Talk about a MacGyver Moment.

Dr. Zaius said...

Bacon? I'll have two slices please!

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