Monday, June 16, 2008

Intergalactic Update!

Are you watching Last Gladiator Standing III? Of course you are, it's the greatest sensation to sweep the INTERgalactic Network of Electronic Transmissions since Last Gladiator Standing II.

And though I am the host and unable to win the competition, that didn't stop me from participating in the Kobayashi Maru Sceneraio. SPOILER ALERT! And I kicked butt!

Take a look at this excerpt:

“I mean, am I right people?” I continued. “Charging weapons is their response.”

“Jon,” Hudson tried to get my attention.

Suddenly the ship was rocked as disrupter fire blasted the hull. I was thrown practically off my feet as the ship lurched and wiring dropped out of the ceiling.

“Somebody take care of that,” I said. “But first, somebody get me full shields.”

“I’m givin’ ‘er all she’s got, Captain, she canna take no morrrrrre,” the engineer said in his wildly inconsistent brogue.

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Chief Engineer Montgomery Suk,” he replied.

“OK, Sukky, just do the best you can,” I said.

“They’re coming after us and they’re gonna kill us!” Hudson cried.

“OK, prepare ship for the Picard Manuver,” I said as I tugged on the base of my Captain’s tunic. “These coordinates. Engage!”

The ship leapt into warp speed and instantly leaped out of it behind the Klingon ships. The stunt made it look briefly as if there were two starships instead of just one. Don’t ask me how it works, that’s just what the script says.

“Fire to disable!” I commanded. “Fire!”

Phasers and photon torpedoes shot out of the ship and crippled two of my adversaries. The engines gave out and the shields dropped on the flanking ships, but the lead avoided our onslaught.

“Prepare the Omega 13,” I ordered.

“Not the Omega 13, mon!” Sukky cried.

“Captain, using the Omega 13 is dangerous at best,” Sprok interjected. “That device may destroy us all and possibly take the universe with it. Destroying the universe is most illogical.”

“I don’t need a lecture,” I growled back. “This isn’t Omega 13 101 and you aren’t Professor Sprok.”

“Actually, I do hold a position at the Yugopotomia Academy of Laser Engineering.”

“Damn you Yalies,” I growled again. “Just do it.”

What happens next? Find out here!


captain koma said...

Really I could have done better.

But of course I have other issues here to deal with.

Like saving Australia.

Vegeta said...

Maybe you should have shown up, and not your heroic alternate universe self?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Sure Koma, you probably could've done better. And monkeys might fly out of my butt!

Dr. Zaius said...

I don't really see how going back in time 13 seconds is going to help stop an evil reptilian villain from stealing the Omega 13 device from the Thermians, but if there is a chance it will destroy the universe, I'm in!