Friday, July 11, 2008

20 Questions and Friends


RAMIREZ: And before we go today, something's been bugging me. A couple of days --

JAMESON: Well, go back outside.

RAMIREZ: We will. A couple of days ago, when most newspapers in America were doing these positive stories about how 20 Questions News Channel, once again, number one --

JAMESON: Like the Daily Bugle.

RAMIREZ: -- for many, many years. There was a hit piece by a certain Intergalactic Gladiator. The writer was a fellow by the name of Jon, and he's been doing a bunch of attack stories on 20 Questions News Channel. Well, there's some back story to it, and that is this: he’s got a friend, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius actually used to work for this company. He worked -- I think he once had a summer internship at 20 Questions Medical Journal until circulation went down under his tenure --

JAMESON: Right.

RAMIREZ: -- something like, 8 percent. So, he got fired, and according to a website, this guy has had an ax to grind.

JAMESON: Yeah, he does, because, I think, Hector, according to reports -- according to a website and another online magazine -- he was making close to six figures here, and now with his new job –

RAMIREZ: Six figures?

JAMESON: Well, around six dollars.

RAMIREZ: Yeah.

JAMESON: -- he's making significantly less. How about a tenth of that?

RAMIREZ: So, anyway, some online web page on the Internet says he's had an ax to grind, and that's this costumed maniac is going after us -- to do these hit pieces. So, he essentially is this attack dog. This -- this poodle, if you will.

JAMESON: So --

RAMIREZ: Oooh! Very, very nice. And we all know how Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator verbally attacked this news channel just this week.

JAMESON: He’s a costumed freak, too. I can’t stand ‘em, can’t stand any of them.

RAMIREZ: Yeah, well he’s a freak all right. He’s a circus clown, if you ask me. In fact, I think he’s got somewhat of a different job at the circus.

JAMESON: -- Hah, he looks like an elephant’s butt because he was photo manipulated into one. We have unlocked the mystery on these two costumed freaks.

RAMIREZ: Anyway, we just thought we'd -- cute. I wonder if Zaius is going to show at Westminster this year.

JAMESON: I'm not really sure. We know a beagle won last year, and this -- he's dressed as a poodle.

6 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

A few revelations here.

Professor Xavier said...

Libel! Slander! Defamation!

I'm going to find us a lawyer and sue the pants off those clowns!

The Hulk said...

Hulk does not want to see them without pants

TX said...

Jon shall I terminate them

Darvin said...

I think these two could give Hannity and Colmes a run for their moneh.

Dr. Zaius said...

"POODLE"!?!?!? I am not a poodle! You shall hear from my solicitor forthwith. Good day, sir. GOOD DAY!