Monday, September 19, 2005

The Baroness, The woman, the myth, the obsession

Anastasia Decobray, known throughout the world as The Baroness. One of G.I.Joe's most deadly enemies and one of the most beautiful to boot. Sure the Joe team had Lady Jaye (too bossy), Scarlett (unobtainable as she was with Snake Eyes or Duke, depending on which medium you preferred) and Cover Girl (what happened to her?), but Cobra had The Baroness.

She was a crack shot with a sniper rifle, an experienced intelligence officer, a seasoned pilot and she was a master of disguise!

Who's the old broad? Surprise surprise, it's The Baroness in disguise!

What other woman could crash a HISS tank and walk away from it?
OK, so Major Bludd pulled her from the wreckage and flew her to Switzerland for major reconstructive surgery, you know what I'm talking about, though.

I have to admit, my one complaint about The Baroness is that in the cartoon, she sounded like Dracula in drag, but with a show that featured snake men, giant germs, Fatal Fuzzies, a comically inept terrorist leader and an over the hill pro wrestler punching through walls, that's really not much to complain about.

She had the look. Ooh lah lah, I don't know what country she's originally from, but I sure would love to visit their leather outlets.

Oh to be stuck in a giant toy package with you, The Baroness.

A fine example of how fine The Baroness is.

Whether it is sneaking into a high security compound to steal some data tapes, flying the plane that drops the bomb that sinks an island bunker containing a ninja, an Eskimo and an evil scientist, or just relaxing in a hot tub, The Baroness will do the job and look good doing it.

Here she is posing with Snake Eyes, her mortal enemy. Why they aren't fighting it out tooth and claw, I don't know.

To quote Clarence Boddicker, "Guns! Guns! Guns!"

Always clad in her tight black, wait a minute, something doesn't look right here.

Nice try, Lady Jaye. Here's what The Baroness really looks like.

Now she looks great here. Something about the picture just isn't quite right, though.

Let's just get rid of Tubby. Much better.

I think once she had to perform community service, giving social lessons to drunk nerds or something.

Of course a beautiful woman like The Baroness transcends trends, but many women emulated her look. It was like the Rachel haircut.

On a final note, many of the images that I've uncovered when googling and yahooing "Baroness" were of old ladies and show dogs. Obviously not every one of the images would be of my The Baroness, but there was one Not-The Baroness that I am just busting to show you. This picture of this titular Baroness looks great for two reasons: 1. I am a sucker for red hair and 2. That background with the full moon and castle looks very nice. I think this picture is really swell, don't you?

And so I'll close out my little run down of Miss Anastasia Decobray with this little poem:

B -- Beauty
A -- Awesome pilot
R -- Royal bloodline
O -- Oh no, she's got a sniper rifle!
N -- No man can tame her, yet she is
E -- Every man's dream
S -- She is smart
S -- She is sly

The Baroness


Captain Typho said...

Hey, I liked Lady Jaye. I guess I'm used to bossy women. Not naming any names. (Padme. Siri. Sabe. Mom.)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Hey, don't bring your mother issues over here, I have my own mothe- uh problems to deal with.

Anonymous said...

The Baroness is THE fictional babe!
Need more pics of real Anastasia Decobrays

Anonymous said...

I don't know why I have this obsession with "bad guys/galls" characters, but I find the Baroness hotter than any other GIJ babe, and I like Scarlett a LOT. Thanks for the article.

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