Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Professor Xavier's Brain is Still Missing!

The brain.

Professor Xavier’s brain.

As I watched it sail through the air, I thought of the –what, last 30 or so minutes that just occurred right in front of me.

I thought back to landing on the deck of that Shi’ar craft and seeing Captain Koma’s partner Chroma just about take the head off the Scarlet Witch. They were quickly separated by a lightning bolt and a warning from Storm.

“See, this is why I like to work alone,” I whispered to Cyclops who was standing next to me.

“Why, because you can’t shoot lightning bolts out of your hands?” he asked.

I clasped my hand to my forehead.

Xavier’s brain was still in the air, it seemed like it was just floating there, my own brain was racing back to mere moments after that altercation.

Queen Lilandra of the Shi’ar Empire had appeared practically at Earth’s doorstep. I knew Xavier’s brain and Dr. Nemonok were just a few hundred feet away in Nemonok’s own craft. I also knew that it wouldn’t last a moment against this battle cruiser. I had to get her to stand down.

“My Queen,” I bowed slightly as to acknowledge her place. “As an authorized deputy of the throne of Queen Galacta IX and Her galaxy, it is my duty to… request that you stand down your battleship and return to your own galaxy, stellar quadrant, or nearest side dimension of convenience.”

“Galacta knows full well why I am here.” Lilandra held aloft an official document. “As Charles Xavier is my consort, I am well within my rights established by the Pan Galactic Treaty of New Betel. I hereby claim dominion over Charles Xavier and all that is his, namely his brain.”

“Er, OK,” I answered. Nuts, I’m outgunned.

“Your majesty if we may,” spoke up Emma Frost. “Allow us to recapture Xavier’s brain for you. You could demand its return to engage their attention as we sneak aboard that ship.”

“Very well,” she agreed after the briefest deliberation. “You have but this one opportunity. Do not fail, or I shall have to send in my own troops and I assure you, they will not.”

“Sweet, I’m gonna make a brain-ke-bob outta that Nemonok,” Wolverine growled as he popped his trademark claws.

“Yeah, but how are we getting over there?” asked Iceman.

“Please allow me,” Captain Koma answered with a flourish of his hand.

The brain. All this over one brain. One remarkable brain, capable of so much more than any ordinary person’s. And it hung there in the air. The Professor’s life, as all of our own hung in the balance along with it.

Instant henchmen instantly sprung up around us when we teleported into the craft and the X-Men and Chroma instantly engaged them. I took out one with a headshot from trusty Betsy, my blaster pistol. I looked around the melee and saw Captain Koma slip towards Dr. Nemonok.

“Eat this,” the Australian spat as he fired his weapon at the evil psychiatrist.

“Ha ha,” the brain floating in the jar laughed back. “Your neural weapon cannon harm me, my containment jar is resistant to such paltry attacks.”

Koma shrugged slightly and fired once, twice, three times more at the floating brain.

“Foolish human, I told you that your weapon cannot—whoa…” his voice got deeper and slower. “Hey, I can see my voice. My voice. My… voice... Hey can you see that, man? That’s real cool. Look at the colors.”

As everyone’s attention turned towards Nemonok, I found Xavier’s brain sitting in a shallow dish and plugged into the ship’s computer system.

“Hold on,” I said. “I’ll get you out.”

I’ve never seen a brain smile before but I could almost swear that this one did right then and there. I’d prefer to think that it didn’t though, a smiling brain just sounds too creepy.

I quickly unhooked the cabling connecting his brain to the ship and lifted it. I hoisted the pan and its contents away from the console, suspension fluid sloshed from side to side along the way.

His brain, in my hands.

I quickly turned to make my way clear of the fighting. Maybe I could beam back to the Shi’Ar ship or maybe Koma could teleport me away, but I had the brain and it would soon be safe.

But then I tripped.

And the brain sailed high into the air, away from the pan, away from my reach. I saw it arc gently as I felt the ship’s gravity claim my own body and pull it to the deck.

“Oh shi-----!”


captain koma said...

I loved this post it was so good. It was well thought out and the ending "tre magnifique!"

Also I like the fact that you didn't make my weapon totally insipid and useless. Thanks for that.

So its Chucks turn isn't it???

Jean-Luc Picard said...

The ending was rather unfortunate.

Professor Xavier said...

Nice job, butter fingers.

Nepharia said...

Oh crap. I thought your tripping was just one of Nemo's hallucinations.

Sci-Fi said...

Want to know why you tripped!?

You forgot to tie your shoes and I believe you have two left feet as well.

mwb said...

No problem. I've got plenty of spare brains you can substitute. I'm sure no one will notice.

Some of them have been used so rarely they are practically in mint condition.

I can arrange easy financing and if you take one today, I'll throw in this back scratcher that looks like Paris Hilton!

Mr. Bennet said...

So are you suggesting that somewhere there is an old crusty body of a bald person without the use of cognitive functions? Other than Britney Spears, I mean.

Barriss Offee said...

Hey Jon

Didn't anyone tell you not to carry a brain in your hands without wearing gloves.

Plus I'm sure you know what will happen if a brain-based illness were to happen to Professor X. I just hope he hasn't turned into Frankenstein while waiting for you to return his brain.

Dr. Zaius said...

I have an extra brain you could use. It's "Abby someone." Also, I accidently killed all of my Instant Henchmen. (How was I susposed to know that you aren't suppose to put them in the microwave?)

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