Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The thick plot thickens even more!

Professor Xavier’s brain has been kidnapped and I knew that I had to spring into action. I quickly dialed up my trusty Danger Sled from my Wristcomm and I would soon be rocketing into the sky.

My spaceplane responded to my signal and would soon land at Ellis Island. But before it could get here, someone stepped in front of me.

“Hey, nice purple helmet there, Billy,” I said. “Does it come with a Wiffleball and bat?”

“You will not call me Billy,” he stated. “You will call me your master, Kang the Conqueror!”

“Kang? What are you doing here?” I asked. “In fact, who are you?”

“Uh hello, evil conquering warlord from the future here,” he replied with a snappy edge to his voice. “I’m here to stop your campaign once and for all!”

“Wait a minute,” I replied as things started to fall into place. “You’re the one who hired Zartan and Mystique, aren’t you?”

“Of course,” he replied. “Though I did not tell one that I hired the other, I thought the photos would look more authentic that way.”

“Aha!” I pointed my finger up. “So you hired them to discredit me so you could take over the United States yourself. Oh that’s an evil plan. Bad time traveling conqueror, shame on you!”

“Yes well, it was a nice plan while it lasted,” he admitted. “Too bad things turned out the way they did. I guess that I’ll just have to take your place myself and win the election, also myself.”

“Wait, so I do win the election?” I said. “That is tres cool, which mean three cool.”

“Yeah, well that’s kind of a complex answer,” he replied as he rubbed the back of his head. “It’s a possible future, but there are many divergent paths. Time travel is very complicated, more complicated than I could ever explain to the likes of you.”

“Hey I get it, man,” I said as I jammed my thumb into my chest. “I’m a Multiversal Lynchpin.”

“And you’ll soon be a dead Multiversal Lynchpin.” With a flourish of his arm, Kang fired a beam of energy at me. The impact of the blast sent me flying, crashing through the glass window to the gift shop.

“Not cool, way not cool!” I retaliated by throwing armloads of souvenir Statue of Liberty paper weights at him. He deflected them with a brush of his arm.

“My shields can withstand anything that you can throw at me,” he sneered. “Can you withstand this?”

He hoisted me up and threw me again, deeper into the closed Statue of Liberty. I skidded across the marble floor, the wind rushing out of my lungs from the impact.

“You’re such a charmer,” I gasped. “I bet you say that to all the ladies.”

“Funny.” Kang aimed his finger at me to fire another blast, but was forced to erect his force field again as I fired at him with my blaster pistols.

“So tell me,” I shouted as I fired again and again while on my back. “You teaming up with Nemonok to take Xavier’s brain, too?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he replied as he deflected my shots.

“I hate it when master plans overlap,” I muttered. “Why can’t you guys just come up with a plan, let me defeat you , and then give me a little time to take a break, you know like a week maybe, then let someone else try?”

“Stop your foolish babbling and die!” he howled as he shot at me again.

I rolled out of the way of the blast, jumped up to my feet and ran into a waiting elevator. I grinned and crossed my arms in triumph.

“You won’t get away from me that easily!”

“Screw you,” I replied. I then saw that I hadn’t hit a button yet and quickly pressed the top one. The doors slid shut as Kang stalked towards me.


mwb said...

Sorry dude, I think Kang's going to kick your keister back to the last epoch!

Spoiler said...

nice hat

Tony Stark Iron Man said...

I hate kang.

Dr. Zaius said...

Although the souvenir Statue of Liberty paper weights were ineffective as weapons, I think that they sent the correct message of freedom and democracy to the evil Kang.

Their effectiveness was probably diminished because they were made in China.

Nepharia said...

Jon, when you get on an elevator when running from a bad guy *always*, *always*, *always* hit the button quickly -- it doesn't matter which one. *Then* gloat. Sheesh. One of these days it's going to bite you in the a**.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

All these problems coming at once. It's hard to multitask.

Anonymous said...

Neph said the same thing I was about to point out

you know never say screw you until the doors are almost closed and the guy is beyond your reach he may take you up on it otherwise

Professor Xavier said...

When your done playing with Kang, I could use some rescuing over here. Your not going to leave my fate in Cyclops' hands are you?