Thursday, March 27, 2008

Seperated at Birth V: You Gotta Keep 'Em Separated at Birth!

Welcome back everybody to another edition of our award winning Separated at Birth series. Here we will prove to you through a very powerful supercomputer utilizing a super advanced hypertechnology graphics program that two people are without a shadow of a doubt, Separated at Birth. Let’s get to it and see who’s Separated at Birth, shall we?

Veteran character actors Powers Boothe and Craig T. Nelson are Separated at Birth! It is amazing isn’t it? Did I mention that the super powerful computer is linked to several other powerful computers in an “Interconnected Network?”

Internet sensation Blockade Boy and professional wrestler Scott Steiner are Separated at Birth! I am sure that their similar looks is merely a coincidence as Blockade Boy certainly doesn’t seem like the type to sit around watching those oiled-up muscley men slap each other around. He just doesn’t have the time.

Can you believe what you have seen? Do you need a moment to gather your wits about you? Go ahead, I’ll wait a moment.

Feeling better? Then stand back because Amy Winehouse and Keith Richards are Separated at Birth! I am sure that they share more than DNA as they certainly both seem to share the joy of putting foreign substances into their bodies, if you catch my drift.

Are you ready for more? Can you believe your very senses or does your brain scream for mercy and/or a reprieve? Amy Winehouse and a car wreck are Separated at Birth!

Ah see, the super advanced supercomputer was going for a metaphorical thing here. That’s what happens when a super computer so advanced that it sends information to other supercomputers at the speed of light utilizes its super programmed parameters in ways that you or I wouldn’t even dare to conceive!

Iceman and Iceman are Separated at Birth! OK, I have to admit that the only thing they really share in common is a moniker and a penchant for shirtlessness. That’s what happens when the supercomputer computes outside the preverbal box, I suppose.

Are you waiting for the most incredible, the most stunning, the most amazing Separated at Birth yet? Do you think that you are adequately prepared for such a sight? You sure?

The Daewoo symbol and a jockstrap are Separated at Birth!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Queen Galacta: Seven Things Meme

I do not believe that I have ever filled out one of these “meme’s” before. As you all know, administrating this galaxy keeps me very busy. My advisors tell me that participating in these may actually bring me a little closer to my subjects; therefore it would be my pleasure to give this a whirl, as I believe the expression goes.

1. It is generally known that the great King Galacton IX was my father and Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord is my brother. What many citizens of this great Galaxy do not know is that I had another brother, Galacto IX. Unfortunately, Galacto died unexpectedly just as he reached adulthood. Though medical professionals were not able to determine the cause, his body had several mysterious centimeter-sized energy burn marks all over it.

2. Father always did like me best. This infuriated Galactor to no end. I do not know if this is what caused him to turn evil or not but I did find it amusing at the time. IT would be regrettable all the evil he has brought to this galaxy because he was not father’s favored.

3. Normally I was very well behaved when growing up but there was one occasion in finishing school where I got all the girls to clear their throats in the middle of class all at the same time! As you could imagine, the consternation brought to Lady L’shlyr by our actions was truly unforgettable. Of course I have curtailed my rebellious streak since then, but oh the thrill those few moments brought me.

4. I love hot dogs. There is nothing like sticking a hot and juicy “footlong” dripping with mustard and onions in my mouth. You can’t get them anywhere but on Earth.

5. Like all evolved members of the galaxy, I abhor violence. Even so, I understand that it is occasionally an only option. I have even led my fleet into combat upon occasion, the The Battle over Planet Hel, for instance.

6. Sometimes, when the burdens of an entire galaxy and the concerns of the billions upon billions of people weigh the most heavily on me, I miss my weissponig tremendously.

7. Yes, these are real.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

iDoodle (The I stands for Intergalactic)

Hey, time for another doodle. First person to comment gets a doodle.

Update: Uh oh, looks like Commander Riker's been trying to sit in the Captain's chair again.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator: Seven Things

Jon tagged me with this Seven Things Meme. I think you all know what’s up with it by now, so here we go. First the rules, then the seven things.
List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.

Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.

Post the rules on your blog.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I am originally from Earth. Yes my name really is Jan O’Mega. Whenever I meet someone from Earth somewhere off of Earth they always say something like “Small universe, isn’t it?” No it’s not, the universe is vast and nearly infinite. Comments like that make me want to punch them in the throat.

2. I used to bulls eye womp rats in a T-16 on Tatooine. I’ve scored more kills than you-know-who.

3. I flew for the Terran Confederacy for a while against the Kilrathi. I scored more kills than a certain wing commander.

4. I also flew a Mark II Viper for the Colonies. I scored more kills against the Cylons than a certain lieutenant. Boy did she bitch about that.

5. I beat the Kobayashi Maru. I told a certain someone how to beat it, too, and Starfleet made him a captain.

6. I first met Jon on the Orion Express but to be honest, I had been a fan of his for quite a while before that. Don’t tell him that though, I’d hate to see it go to his head.

7. I won the Pegasus Elite in a card game. I kept it by punching out the previous owner when he tried to take it back.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Hudson's 7 things

Yeah, so Jon tagged me with this Seven Things Meme thing. This should be fun ‘cuz I bet there’s a lot that you people don’t know about me.

Here are the rules, list 7 things about yourself that people may not know. Link the person who sent this. Post the rules on your blog. Tag seven people.

1. I was actually born and raised in Texas, not some futuristic space outpost where all the inhabitants are super handsome and awesome.

2. When I was younger, a doctor said I was bipolar. Pfft, whatever that means.

3. I wasn’t originally gonna be a Colonial Marine. I first went to rodeo clown college but got kicked out in the middle of my first semester. It’s all politics in rodeo clown college.

4. You probably already know that I’m a qualified expert with the M41A Pulse Rifle, M56 smart gun, M4A3 and M240 flamethrower, but I’m also fully qualified to operate the remote sentry gun and the M577 APC.

5. I’m not just some moronic grunt who does things moronilly, I’ve got an artistic side, too. I wrote this great original song for our squad. It goes like this:
If there's something strange
in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?

If there's something weird
and it don't look good
Who ya gonna call?

I ain't afraid of no Bugs
I ain't afraid of no bus

If you're seeing things
running through your head
Who can ya call?

An giant bug
sleeping in your bed
Who ya gonna call?

I ain't afraid of no bugs
I ain't afraid of no bugs

Who ya gonna call?

If ya all alone
pick up the phone
and call

I ain't afraid of no bugs
I here it likes the bug
I ain't afraid of no bug
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Who ya gonna call?

If you've had a dose of a
freaky bug baby
Ya better call

Lemme tell ya something
Bustin' makes me feel good!

I ain't afraid of no bug
I ain't afraid of no bug

Don't get caught alone no no


When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call

Who ya gonna call?

Who ya gonna call?

I think you better call

Who ya gonna call?

I can't hear you
Who ya gonna call?


Who ya gonna call?

Who can ya call?

Who ya gonna call?

When I told the LT it would make a great song for our squad, he said he’d think about it.

6. I once shot a man just for snoring too loud. True story. Game over for him, man.

7. I am awesome in everything that I do. Scientific fact.

I tag noone just because I am just that awesome! Take that you stupid meme council or whoever is in charge of these things. Check that, I am in charge of this thing so stick it up a bug’s but! Ha ha!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Seven Things Meme

My confounded presidential candidateial opponent Dr. Zaius has tagged me with the 7 Things Meme. The rules are posted below thusly:

List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.

Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.

Post the rules on your blog.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

OK, hang on everyone.

1. I am the youngest of three. My oldest sister is kind of a hippy type, my middle sister is the preppie type and I defy description.

2. I played percussion in junior high and high school. I really wasn’t that great on drums, but I rocked the crash cymbals like few others.

3. My first pet was a tan and white mouse that I named Nobella. I had a plan to figure out how to get rid of nuclear waste by shooting more neutrons into it (why hadn’t anyone thought of that before?), creating more energy and stabilizing the products of the reaction. Surely for this, I would win the Nobel Prize. Hence the mouse’s name.

4. I have a slight case of tinnitus in my left ear from when I was a Wild West gunfighter the summer between high school graduation and when I went into the Army. We had earplugs, but I couldn’t hear dialog with them in, so I would loosen the left one to hear my cues.

5. People occasionally say that I kind of look like Commander Riker. It may be because I grew a beard between seasons one and two, or it may be because I gained 20 pounds between seasons one and two.

6. The first time I said “I love you” to my wife, I was sitting on the floor of a woman’s bathroom at a local bar and she was sitting on my lap. Yeah, I know I’m Captain Romantic.

7. My wife and I got pregnant with Kiera at a red dress run at the Waukesha Hash. I was dressed like a Catholic schoolgirl (and I looked spectacular). When we got pregnant with Paxton, I wore the same outfit to a Halloween party. I still looked spectacular, but I had my goatee by that time and it was quite an addition to the costume. The outfit is available for rental to couples looking to conceive.

Now For the devious part of the meme: I must tag seven people. Therefore, I tag Private Hudson, Jan the Intergalactic Aviator, Queen Galacta, Agent Audrey Hanson, Dr. Nemonok, Professor Xavier, and Karnov.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


“Well well, look where our trail has led us.”

“Mount Rushmore,” Agent Hanson blew out her breath. “Are you telling me that some terrorist cell has a hidden base stashed away in one of America’s greatest monuments?”

“Looks like it,” I shrugged.

“OK, that’s it then,” she said. “We now know where they are. I’m calling in reinforcements and then we’re getting out of here.”

“What? We’re just walking away?”

“Hey, I’m following orders, pal,” she growled back. “My orders are to keep you safe, remember? You think I want to miss the action?”

“We’ve gone this far,” I said. “Let’s just check it out. We can recon the area for when your reinforcements get here.”

“I don’t know,” she answered with a dash of skepticism. “If there are terrorists, they’ll likely be well armed and have guards posted.”

“I keep telling you I can take care of myself,” I replied. “I am an intergalactic gladiator, after all.”

“That means nothing to me,” she shook her head.

“OK, well I was in the Army,” I continued. “I had a green beret.”

“You’re saying you were a Green Beret?” she asked with even more skepticism.

“I didn’t say I was a Green Beret, I said I wore a green beret.”

“You wore a green beret?” she snorted. “To tea parties or something?”

“Funny.” I dropped a quarter into the binoculars and took a look at the monument. I didn’t see much but rock and the carved visages of four presidents. “Quite a sight.”

“You’re telling me,” a man sitting on the bench replied. “I love to come here and just read the paper under the protective gaze of George Washington.”

“You come here often?” I asked.

“Almost every day,” the man replied. “Like I said, I love to read the paper here. Something about the light being better and the air being fresher. God bless America.”

“I hear what you’re saying,” I answered affably. “You ever see anything funny going on up there?”

“Funny as in strange or funny as in ha ha?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe someone up there who shouldn’t be or an unusual truck or plane or something.”

“Come to think of it,” the man scratched the side of his head as he tried to recall. “I think there was something odd up there the other day. Couple hunters got caught by the park rangers. Funny thing was, the hunters didn’t have hunting rifles. They had military weapons.”

“Really?” I answered. “I can’t imagine why a hunter would be hunting in a national park with military weapons like that.”

“Probably just a couple of crazy kids,” the man said. “Probably all hopped up on the drugs or something.”

“Well, my partner and I have to get going,” I replied. “Thanks so much for your help.”

“Sure thing, sonny,” he smiled pleasantly. “You two take care now.”

“Are you just going alert everyone that we’re here while you’re at it?” Hanson whispered to me as we walked away. “Good thing you’re an intergalactic gladiator, undercover work doesn’t seem to be your forte.”

“What that old guy?” I replied in a whisper. “Look at him just sit there and read the paper. He’s harmless. Now let’s get up there on the mountain and check it out.”

Reluctantly, Agent Hanson agreed, so we made our way through the visitor center and out into the woods and ducked out of sight from the rest of the tourists. Meanwhile, the older gentleman clicked a hidden switch in his watch.

“You got two,” he said into the watch. “A man and a woman. The woman looks like a federal agent but I don’t know about the man. He looks like he’s all hopped up on the drugs or something. Roger. Roger. Out.”

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Intergalactic Update and iDoodle

A great big good morning to all my Junior Intergalactic Gladiators out there. I've got a few things going on, so here's the scoop.

My ersatz bodyguard Agent Audrey Hanson is in the middle of her Sylar hunt over at the Burnt Toast Diner. Head on over there and cheer her on.

Also, our newest Junior Intergalactic Gladiator Ookami Snow is holding a contest to see what his favorite blog of 2008 is and guess who's in it. Come on, guess. Just guess already! You're right, it's me! It's double elimination and I just got beaten by some nude guy in Memphis, so I can't let that happen again! Head on over there and cheer me on.

Finally, I had so much fun doodling earlier that I want to do it again. First person to comment with a doodle idea gets the doodle idea doodled.

Update: The always charming Freida Bee asked to see me getting beaten up by a nude Memphis guy. Note the Tennessee Top Hat hairstyle and red neck. And yes I know I'm making a stereotypical characterization of a Tennessean, but what's art if it doesn't make you think?

Monday, March 03, 2008

FBI eyes are watching you

“Well thanks for the assist,” I said as I brushed the dust off my clothes.

“Assist? I just saved your butt, pal,” Agent Hanson snapped back. “That plane was about to turn you into Swiss cheese.”

“No seriously, I was OK. But thanks for your help.” I said as I pulled out my blasters. “Agent Hanson meet Winona and Betsy. Winona and Betsy, meet Agent Hanson.”

“Nice ray guns there, Flash Gordon.”

“They’re actually blasters,” I corrected. “When you say ray gun, it sounds like a cheap 50’s movie. You know, with rubber Martians and spaceships that look like they’re made out of pie plates and stuff.”

“Fine, so you’ve got a couple blasters,” she replied. “Do they actually work or are you as crazy as you sound?”

“Kids, don’t try this at home,” I cautioned. I then turned and fired at a convenient rock and it exploded in a shower of sparks.

“Nice,” she whistled. “I could use one of those.”

“Sorry, not for sale,” I shrugged as I holstered my pistols.

“Too bad,” she shook her head. “I’m going to have to ask you to surrender them anyway. I have to take you in.”

“Is shooting rocks against the law?” I asked nonchalantly.

“You’re not under arrest,” she insisted. “I’m bringing you in for your own good. The FBI isn’t too keen on presidential candidates falling out of buildings or getting themselves shot up by WWI fighter planes.”

“So I’m not under arrest but you’re taking me in for my own good?” I asked. “Wow, just like a fascist state.”

“Don’t get the white suburban punk in you all in an uproar,” Agent Hanson replied. “Presidential candidates need protection, you know. Even the goofball ones like you.”

“Goofball?” I repeated. “Hey, I resemble that remark.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“OK, I’ll go with you,” I answered. “Just let me do this one thing. I was tracking a signal that ended at these crossroads, but I don’t see a receiver or anything. Let me just figure out what I’m looking for and then we’ll go.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “Go ahead.”

Using the communications equipment on the Danger Sled and my Wristcomm, I zeroed in on a sign just 50 yards or so from the crossroads.

“It’s got be here.” I started pushing soil away under the sign. “This dirt’s pretty loose. Bingo!”

“Bingo?” Hanson asked. “What is it?”

“A game of chance where players try to fill numbered cards in order to win,” I replied. “But look what I found here.”

I pulled a small radio device out of the ground. A coaxial cable snaked underneath deeper into the dirt.

“Someone just buried a radio here?” she asked.

“Looks like it,” I answered. “I’d guess that the coax leads to their secret base or bunker or whatever they’re in. They must’ve ran the line out to so they wouldn’t compromise the base’s location with their transmissions and used the sign as a marker.”

“That’s smart, I guess,” Hanson shrugged. “So where’s the base, then?”

“See, that’s the thing,” I held up my finger. “Their signal’s not broadcasting over the cable like it would from an antenna, but it’s still there. We can still trace it to its source.”

“And where would that be?” the agent asked.

“I guess we’ll find out,” I answered.