Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I Hate Sidekicks, Part Four

So I got back to the Danger Sled after a hard day at the office -- the office being unarmed combat at the Horizon Amphitheater on Fire Island 9. I open the door and I see a huge mess all over the cockpit and cabin.

"Howya doin' boss?" Asks Jo Jo the Monkeyboy. Hearing that is becoming more and more like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.

"Heeeey, buddy!" Says another monkey.

"Ahoy ahoy, good Capitan," Says a third.

"Miggle miggle mffff! Cheese!" Screams the fourth.

"What is going on here? This place is a mess! What is this on the wall? Ewww."

"Oh, that's bananas and chocolate, boss." Says Jo Jo. "Here, let me introduce you to my friends here. This is Bobo..."

"Heeeeeyyy, budddy!" Bobo gleefully smiles.

"...And this is Cocoa," Jo Jo continues.

"Miggle mffffp! Thpppppt!" Cocoa says to me.

"And this is Spanky." Jo Jo concludes the introductions.

"'Tis a pleasure, good sir." The monkey offers a mashed banana-covered hand to me. I cannot shake it.

"My ship! How could you make such a mess in my ship?" I demanded.

"Oh well, boss, there's a funny story to that." Jo Jo explained. "See, Spanky here wanted to play some cards, so Bobo and Cocoa thought they would stop by, and you know, Cocoa just can't handle his banana daiquiris."

"Acccch thhhhppppptt!" chokes Cocoa and he threw a handful of something against the wall. The other sidekicks started screaming and jumping up and down.

"No no no!" I yell. "Everyone out!"

"But, boss!"

"OUT!" I point to the hatch.

Three sidekicks mumble and head out the door.

"See yah, buuudddy."

"very good meeting you, sir. Verily you have a wondrous ship."

"giggle therp. MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY! A ha ha ha!"

Jo Jo looks at me. "You know boss," he says. "in order for us to cultivate a good working relationship, you're going to have to let me into your ship sometimes. That's a metaphor."

I am inches away from his face, my teeth are clenched. "I am going to kick you in the face. That is not a metaphor!" I say slowly and angrily.

"See yah, boss." And with that, he leaps out the door.

Oh how I hate comedy relief sidekicks.


JawaJuice said...

Well what do you know...side kicks ARE funny!

JawaJuice said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Superhero Bob said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Monkeys!!!!!!!!!!!

flu said...

That Cocoa is one curious monkey...

and it's no big deal that he can't handle his banana daquiris... considering he wears that strange blaster helmet on his head...

Some creatures have the strangest quirks.

Leia said...

I've seen missing posters for that Cocoa one. The poor guy with the hat must be worried sick that his pet's hanging with such a crowd.

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read » » »