Rhyme Time

My parents loved challenging each other with "Hinky Pinkies." Hink Pinks, Hinky Pinkies and Hinkity Pinkities are two words that rhyme, a clue is given so the player has to guess what the answer is. Don't look at me, I didn't name them that.

For instance, I could give the clue "The hour that words sound alike." The answer would be this post's title, Rhyme Time.

Another example would be "A place to sleep, colored crimson." The answer -- Red Bed.

Here are 10 more:

1. An obese feline.
2. A 4wd General Purpose vehicle that has sunk pretty far down.
3. A young female rodent.
4. A huge jolt of electricity.
5. The ability to cook outside.
6. The person who stole the tome.
7. The speedier parson
8. A tortoise with a lot of kids
9. A whimsical story about a horse barn
10. A lady of ill repute with no money. (1 syllable words)

Bonus: A lady of ill repute with no money (3 syllable words)

OK, Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators (and by Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators, I mean you), can you guess what the answers are to these? There actually may be more than one answer, let's see if you can guess them.

Super Double Bonus: Can you think of any hinky pinkies?

Hmmmm...

I was looking at Jawa Juice's blog the other day and having a good larf at the expense of Mace and Obi Wan's silly attempts to crossover into pop music. Then I started thinking, wasn't there a rapper couple of years ago who called himself 50 Cred?



He looks familiar, doesn't he?

Update

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy wants you to check out his site to guess the word of the day. He says that it will be a fun puzzle and the more stuff he does like this, the less he is in my hair. Literally. He keeps picking at my hair and it's very annoying. So to check out his site, go here.

Wives Say The Darndest Things

My wife Patricia talks in her sleep.

When she was a girl, she and her sister used to have conversations with each other in their sleep. Both talked back and forth to each other, conversing about seperate topics. Their father used to go into their room to tell them to get to sleep, but would wind up just standing there, amusedly listening to what was going on.

Nowadays, her sleep talking isn't too bad, but when we first moved in together, the stress of us getting married, her having a baby and working as an inner-city teacher produced many interesting (albiet one-sided) conversations.

It's never anything sexual or anything like "Oh I love you Drew Carey." What she sees in that beer drinking, mildly overweight, mildly funny former serviceman with a bad haircut I'll never know. Wait a minute, why does that description sound familiar?

That was Drew Carey, not Drew and Carrey. Nyuk nyuk.

That's better.

Once she said something to me completely in Spanish. The next morning when I told her about it, she asked "Well, how was my grammar?"

Several months ago, she told me that she couldn't give me a C for that.

A few weeks after that, she told me that I made a "Valiant, valiant effort."

She once told me that she couldn't believe that I just did that. I asked her what I did and she refused to tell me.

Her sleep talking is not as bad now (or at least I don't notice it). It's kind of funny, but when I get woken up by it, I have to determine if she really is talking to me or if she's actually sleep talking.

The most suprising though, was the first time that she woke me up with it. She said "Oh, I love you." I groggily answered "I love you, too."

"Quiet, I wasn't talking to you!" was her reply to me.

I Hate Sidekicks, Part Six

It happens again and again.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy vs. "Muscles" Marinara with his girlfriend Margarita Pisa. The crowd remains deathly silent when Jo Jo is introduced, Jo Jo's comic capering gets in the way of the match and he is picked up and thrown around by Margarita. I narrowly win the contest.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy vs. Freh-dee Mars. The crowd is astoundingly silent during Jo Jo's introduction, Jo Jo's unfunny sidekickery gets in the way of my match and he is stomped on and kicked by Freh-dee Mars. I narrowly win the match.



Then it happens.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy vs. Octopus Prime. The crowd is deafeningly silent during Jo Jo's into, Prime swats Jo Jo away fairly quickly and hails a reign of powerful pneumatic punches down on me. I stumble over Jo Jo, unable to mount an offense. With one more punch, Octopus Prime walks away the winner.



"That was a good fight, Jon," Says J'onn Sinew Nu. "Too bad you didn't win. I thought you had Prime for a minute there."

"Are you kidding?" I ask, incredulously. "I didn't stand a chance with that stupid Monkeyboy in my way. I was lucky to get out alive!"

"Nonsense," J'onn waved. "Listen, the merchandising on Jo Jo isn't going quite as well as we expected."

"Of course not, no one likes him."

"Ha ha, Jon. Always the kidder." replies J'onn, barely paying any attention to what I say. "We have to sell more Jo Jo lunchboxes, so next week when you are introduced, I want you to come out carrying one."


"What?"

"Yeah, the kids'll really go for it," Sinew Nu started rubbing his hands together.

"Fine." I add "I'll throw it at my opponent" under my breath.

"Good. Good, that's the team player!" exclaims Sinew Nu. "One more thing."

"What?"

"How does 'With his sidekick Jo Jo the Monkeyboy, here's Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator' sound for an introduction?"

The Baroness, The woman, the myth, the obsession

Anastasia Decobray, known throughout the world as The Baroness. One of G.I.Joe's most deadly enemies and one of the most beautiful to boot. Sure the Joe team had Lady Jaye (too bossy), Scarlett (unobtainable as she was with Snake Eyes or Duke, depending on which medium you preferred) and Cover Girl (what happened to her?), but Cobra had The Baroness.

She was a crack shot with a sniper rifle, an experienced intelligence officer, a seasoned pilot and she was a master of disguise!

Who's the old broad? Surprise surprise, it's The Baroness in disguise!


What other woman could crash a HISS tank and walk away from it?
OK, so Major Bludd pulled her from the wreckage and flew her to Switzerland for major reconstructive surgery, you know what I'm talking about, though.


I have to admit, my one complaint about The Baroness is that in the cartoon, she sounded like Dracula in drag, but with a show that featured snake men, giant germs, Fatal Fuzzies, a comically inept terrorist leader and an over the hill pro wrestler punching through walls, that's really not much to complain about.

She had the look. Ooh lah lah, I don't know what country she's originally from, but I sure would love to visit their leather outlets.


Oh to be stuck in a giant toy package with you, The Baroness.


A fine example of how fine The Baroness is.

Whether it is sneaking into a high security compound to steal some data tapes, flying the plane that drops the bomb that sinks an island bunker containing a ninja, an Eskimo and an evil scientist, or just relaxing in a hot tub, The Baroness will do the job and look good doing it.

Here she is posing with Snake Eyes, her mortal enemy. Why they aren't fighting it out tooth and claw, I don't know.

To quote Clarence Boddicker, "Guns! Guns! Guns!"


Always clad in her tight black, wait a minute, something doesn't look right here.



Nice try, Lady Jaye. Here's what The Baroness really looks like.


Now she looks great here. Something about the picture just isn't quite right, though.

Let's just get rid of Tubby. Much better.


I think once she had to perform community service, giving social lessons to drunk nerds or something.


Of course a beautiful woman like The Baroness transcends trends, but many women emulated her look. It was like the Rachel haircut.



On a final note, many of the images that I've uncovered when googling and yahooing "Baroness" were of old ladies and show dogs. Obviously not every one of the images would be of my The Baroness, but there was one Not-The Baroness that I am just busting to show you. This picture of this titular Baroness looks great for two reasons: 1. I am a sucker for red hair and 2. That background with the full moon and castle looks very nice. I think this picture is really swell, don't you?

And so I'll close out my little run down of Miss Anastasia Decobray with this little poem:

B -- Beauty
A -- Awesome pilot
R -- Royal bloodline
O -- Oh no, she's got a sniper rifle!
N -- No man can tame her, yet she is
E -- Every man's dream
S -- She is smart
S -- She is sly


The Baroness

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These are punny

I got an email with a bunch of bad puns from a friend the other day. As you Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators know, I don't normally post this kind of stuff, but these were just so bad that reistance was futile. Forgive me.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believeyou," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know youcan't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in thecraft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standingin the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make themlaugh. No pun in ten did.

I promise that my next post will be less obnoxious. Actually, I can't promise that, but I'll promise to try, or at least I'll promise to try to try.

Update
Jo Jo the Monkeyboy is continually asking me to remind you of his little song competition thing. I am not much for it myself, but it does keep him occupied and out of my hair. You can see the post in the link below or by clicking here.

Kids say and or do the darndest things, Part 2

Scotchie looks on as Kiera plays in a box

This past Tuesday was Kiera's first day of school. We also have her in a dance class that started that day (if you have the chance to see 3-year-olds do tap, ballet, and tumbling, I highly recommend that you immediately take the opportunity to watch it) and because it was going to be getting late and we didn't want to screw around with dinner, we told her that we would take her to McDonalds after. No, she has never seen Supersize Me.

So we were getting ready to go to dance class, Kiera says - in one long fast sentence - "After dance we're going to go to Mc-Absolutely-Amazing-Donalds-oh-look-a-seagull!"

First off, what 3-year-old says "absolutely amazing" like that? The fact that she said it that way is pretty in-freaking-credible.

Second, why would she changeup her sentence to point out a seagull? It's like she has short attention span or something. I have no idea where she would get it fr

iRobot, hear me roar

I found this over on Karnov's site. He found it on someone else's site, and so on and so on...

Anyway, here's a site where you can find your cyborg name.

Jon is



Unfortunately, the generator only takes 10 letters at a time, my last name is a bit longer than that, so I'll use "Interglad." Pretty cool.




Scotchie, my dog is



Kiera is


Although I think she is a little too young to be embarking on a repair android career.

My wife Patricia is


It doesn't seem entirely accurate for Patricia. The generator doesn't say anything about her being a teacher.

finally, Monkeyboy is


That is it. The only way it could have been more accurate is if the generator was able to add the word "obnoxious."

Ok, Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators, what's your cyborg name?

On the starship Titanicus

I guess J'onn Sinew Nu thinks that I've been doing a great job, he sent me and the Monkeyboy to do a meet and greet on the Starship Titanicus, I get to shake a few hands and/or tentacles, then I get a few days to relax on one of the galaxy's nicest luxury liners. If only the sidekick wasn't here...

"Jo Jo the Monkeyboy, he is flyin' down the Dan Ryan
Jo Jo the Monkeyboy, kids love the Monkeyboy!

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy, he's so phat in his Jordache hat
Jo Jo the Monkeyboy, he knows that he's all that!"

"This is Captain Kwirck speaking," came the Captain's voice over the loudspeaker. "We are nearing the Crab Nebula. Everyone should enjoy the view of the phenomena from the observation deck."

I was relaxing on a deck chair getting a spectacular view of the nebula. The Monkeyboy was jumping up and down on his chair singing when our waiter came up to get our drink orders.

"A banana daiquiri for me, YIPES!" Squealed Jo Jo.

I looked and there I was face to face with one of the most horrific species our galaxy has ever known.

"Don't worry, gentlemen, I am just here to serve you drinks."

"Yeah," I managed to stammer. "But aren't you one of the --"

"I am, but I'm not really much for spitting acid blood on people or hanging with the face-hugger crowd. I guess there really isn't much room for an individual in a hive society. So I hopped a couple freighters and here I am, working my way through Space Bartender School."

"Well, uh --"

"Oh, you can call me Al," the creature said.

I said OK and ordered a drink from him. Suddenly, the peace was shattered as a squad of heavily armed, camouflaged troops burst through the doors, pushing over people and kicking deck chairs.

"Colonial Marines!" Yelled one.

"Game over, man! Game over!" Yelled another.

"There he is! Waste 'im! Waste 'im, man!" Yelled a third.

Al squealed and dove for cover as the Marines opened fire on him with their smart guns and pulse rifles. Rounds ricocheted off the bulkheads and deck, curtains and tables and chairs were chewed up, windows shattered.

"Where'd he go?" Asked one.

"Oh man, he's gone! Game over! Game over, man!" Cried another.

"Check the meter!" Yelled a third.

"He's at 15 meters... 10 meters... 15 meters... 10 meters... 8 meters... 5 meters...Where is he? 10 meters... 20 meters! He's gone! Where'd he go?"

"Oh man, you can count me out!" Yelled the second one.

"Yeah I guess we can just count you out of everything, Hudson!" Yelled another.

"That's right, man!"

"He must've dropped down towards the engineering levels."

The squad of Colonial Marines raced towards the turbolifts, pushing people out of the way. One of them pressed the down button.

"Hey watch who you're shoving, jerks!"

They looked around as the arrows to the lift started moving.

"So, uh, how's the wife?" asked one.

"Eh, you know." Answered another.

A third Marine looked at his watch, another tapped his foot impatiently.

There was a ping sound and the elevator doors opened. The Marines crammed themselves into the car, one shouted "We're on an express elevator to hell - going down!" I sprinted to the turbolift myself, Jo Jo bounced along behind me. We got on the next car and rode it down to the engineering deck.

It was completely dark in engineering except for the lights on the Marines' gear bouncing all around.

""That's what we gonna do, sweethearts. We are going to go and get some!"

"What do you mean "THEY cut the power"? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals!" Yelled a Marine.

"Uh, there's just one."

Marines fired in all directions. The captain soon joined me.

"I am Captain James T. Kwirck... and I want.. these men.... off my ship!" Growled the Captain.

The Marines continued to fire wildly, ricocheting bullets hit the fusion reactor and an alarm sounded.

Oh oh!
"The reactor!" Yelled a Marine.

"That's it, man, game over!" Cried another Marine.

"Those Colonial Marine bastards killed my fusion reactor!" Screamed Captain Kwirck.

Irradiated coolant steamed from the walls and a glass barricade shut itself between us and the overloading reactor.

"You canna go in there," said a fat engineer. "Tha' radiation will kill a man."

"I... must... save... the ship." The Captain made his way to the containment wall.

We looked in the containment field and Jo Jo was already in there shutting down the drive.

"He... did... it!" Exclaimed the Captain.

Jo Jo stumbled back to the window and placed his hand on it. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, buauth" he gasped.

I held my hand against his, separated by the glass, and looked at Jo Jo. In one last breath, he pressed his mouth against the glass and blew, puffing up his cheeks in an absurd manner.

************

Later, Jo Jo's body was laying in a modified torpedo tube, his swollen face was visible through a transparent plate. That fat engineer was playing "Amazing Grace" on a set of bagpipes. Captain Kwirck was giving a eulogy.

"... of all the Monkeyboys I have encountered in my travels, he was the most... human," concluded the Captain.

The dirge on the bagpipes swelled to a crescendo, the makeshift coffin rolled forward to launch position. Then with a metallic clank everyting stopped.

The transparent plate popped open.

The Monkeyboy leapt out of the tube.

"Howya doin' buauth? Say, what'th everyone lookin' at?"