Friday, September 30, 2005

Rhyme Time

My parents loved challenging each other with "Hinky Pinkies." Hink Pinks, Hinky Pinkies and Hinkity Pinkities are two words that rhyme, a clue is given so the player has to guess what the answer is. Don't look at me, I didn't name them that.

For instance, I could give the clue "The hour that words sound alike." The answer would be this post's title, Rhyme Time.

Another example would be "A place to sleep, colored crimson." The answer -- Red Bed.

Here are 10 more:

1. An obese feline.
2. A 4wd General Purpose vehicle that has sunk pretty far down.
3. A young female rodent.
4. A huge jolt of electricity.
5. The ability to cook outside.
6. The person who stole the tome.
7. The speedier parson
8. A tortoise with a lot of kids
9. A whimsical story about a horse barn
10. A lady of ill repute with no money. (1 syllable words)

Bonus: A lady of ill repute with no money (3 syllable words)

OK, Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators (and by Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators, I mean you), can you guess what the answers are to these? There actually may be more than one answer, let's see if you can guess them.

Super Double Bonus: Can you think of any hinky pinkies?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Jo Jo the Mighty Morphin' Power Sidekick

Howya doin' Bwauth?

Hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha!

Most of you might not know this, but I am a Mighty Morphin' Power Sidekick! Look at this!

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It's Morphin' Time! Hoo hoo ha ha ha!

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I'm a little short for a Storm Trooper, don't you think? Hooo hoo ha ha ha!

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Look at me! I'm The Karate Kid with the Kung Fu Grip!

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Here I am in my baseball outfit because nothing is funnier than a Monkeyboy in a baseball outfit except...

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A Monkeyboy in a clown outfit! Hoo hoo ha ha hah!

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Me am Hulk now! Hulk Jo Jo smash you good! Ha ha ha, just kidding, I won't smash you!

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Now I'm that other Hulk. Whachoo gonna do when I bring a big bowl of delicious banana pasta to you?


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Now I am the Lord of the Dance! Ha ha, I hope that I don't slip on a banana peel!

Well, that's all the time I have for today, kiddies. I hope you liked watching my tricks. Remember, this was all done by my Super Morphin' Sidekick powers, not by clever photomanipulation or camera trickery!

See yah soon!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Hmmmm...

I was looking at Jawa Juice's blog the other day and having a good larf at the expense of Mace and Obi Wan's silly attempts to crossover into pop music. Then I started thinking, wasn't there a rapper couple of years ago who called himself 50 Cred?

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He looks familiar, doesn't he?

Update

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy wants you to check out his site to guess the word of the day. He says that it will be a fun puzzle and the more stuff he does like this, the less he is in my hair. Literally. He keeps picking at my hair and it's very annoying. So to check out his site, go here.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Wives Say The Darndest Things

My wife Patricia talks in her sleep.

When she was a girl, she and her sister used to have conversations with each other in their sleep. Both talked back and forth to each other, conversing about seperate topics. Their father used to go into their room to tell them to get to sleep, but would wind up just standing there, amusedly listening to what was going on.

Nowadays, her sleep talking isn't too bad, but when we first moved in together, the stress of us getting married, her having a baby and working as an inner-city teacher produced many interesting (albiet one-sided) conversations.

It's never anything sexual or anything like "Oh I love you Drew Carey." What she sees in that beer drinking, mildly overweight, mildly funny former serviceman with a bad haircut I'll never know. Wait a minute, why does that description sound familiar?

That was Drew Carey, not Drew and Carrey. Nyuk nyuk.

That's better.
Once she said something to me completely in Spanish. The next morning when I told her about it, she asked "Well, how was my grammar?"

Several months ago, she told me that she couldn't give me a C for that.

A few weeks after that, she told me that I made a "Valiant, valiant effort."

She once told me that she couldn't believe that I just did that. I asked her what I did and she refused to tell me.

Her sleep talking is not as bad now (or at least I don't notice it). It's kind of funny, but when I get woken up by it, I have to determine if she really is talking to me or if she's actually sleep talking.

The most suprising though, was the first time that she woke me up with it. She said "Oh, I love you." I groggily answered "I love you, too."

"Quiet, I wasn't talking to you!" was her reply to me.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

I Hate Sidekicks, Part Six

It happens again and again.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy vs. "Muscles" Marinara with his girlfriend Margarita Pisa. The crowd remains deathly silent when Jo Jo is introduced, Jo Jo's comic capering gets in the way of the match and he is picked up and thrown around by Margarita. I narrowly win the contest.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy vs. Freh-dee Mars. The crowd is astoundingly silent during Jo Jo's introduction, Jo Jo's unfunny sidekickery gets in the way of my match and he is stomped on and kicked by Freh-dee Mars. I narrowly win the match.

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Then it happens.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy vs. Octopus Prime. The crowd is deafeningly silent during Jo Jo's into, Prime swats Jo Jo away fairly quickly and hails a reign of powerful pneumatic punches down on me. I stumble over Jo Jo, unable to mount an offense. With one more punch, Octopus Prime walks away the winner.



"That was a good fight, Jon," Says J'onn Sinew Nu. "Too bad you didn't win. I thought you had Prime for a minute there."

"Are you kidding?" I ask, incredulously. "I didn't stand a chance with that stupid Monkeyboy in my way. I was lucky to get out alive!"

"Nonsense," J'onn waved. "Listen, the merchandising on Jo Jo isn't going quite as well as we expected."

"Of course not, no one likes him."

"Ha ha, Jon. Always the kidder." replies J'onn, barely paying any attention to what I say. "We have to sell more Jo Jo lunchboxes, so next week when you are introduced, I want you to come out carrying one."
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"What?"

"Yeah, the kids'll really go for it," Sinew Nu started rubbing his hands together.

"Fine." I add "I'll throw it at my opponent" under my breath.

"Good. Good, that's the team player!" exclaims Sinew Nu. "One more thing."

"What?"

"How does 'With his sidekick Jo Jo the Monkeyboy, here's Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator' sound for an introduction?"

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hey hey we're the Monkeyboys


Name: Jo Jo the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Howya doin' Bwauth?"
Background: After becoming Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's comedy relief sidekick, Jo Jo has proven that he is definitely one of the big guns and possible undisputed champion of comedy relief sidekicks. His energetic attitude and his willingness to sacrifice himself for a laugh set him head and shoulders above all others in the realm of sidekickery.
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana cream pies, frozen bananas, banana omelets, banana margaritas and especially banana daiquiris.


Name: MoJo the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "You my bestest friend fow ever and ever and ever!"
Background: Jo Jo's (annoying) younger brother was just a few credits shy of graduation from MIT-S when he was expelled after an unfortunate incident involving the headmaster and a hot banana cream pie. He has since been roaming the galaxies searching for a someone to 'kick for. He was last seen along the outer rim.
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana cream pies, frozen bananas, plantains.


Name: Bobo the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Heeeey, buddy!"
Background: Bobo is one of Jo Jo's best friends and a classmate from MIT-S. Bobo is not currently sidekicking for anyone right now, but Flash Gordon said that Bobo could be his when "Hell freezes over." So Bobo's looking forward to that.
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana nut muffins, bananas and Spam, kiwi fruit.


Name: Cocoa the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Miggle miggle mffff!" or "Miggle mffffp! Thpppppt!"
Background: Another good friend of Jo Jo's, Cocoa became despondent after being unable to secure a 'kicking job after graduation from MIT-S. Needing money, Cocoa did a few modeling gigs for a book artist, but didn't make a lot of residuals as he was told that the book didn't sell very well. Not a very good verbal communicator, Cocoa can usually be heard saying things like "Miggle niggle thiggle, cheese!" or "Ack thhhppt!"
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana splits, banana bread, banana pudding, mango salsa.


Name: Schlocky the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Vhy dese kids dese days!"
Background: Schlocky is Jo Jo's uncle and is a very influential instructor at the Monkekbok Institute for Training Sidekicks (MIT-S). He once was Crash Corrigan's sidekick until an unfortunate incident where he was accidentally ejected out of a submarine. His 'kicking resume also includes stints with Ford Prefect, the Gray Lensman, Admiral Gloval, Steve Armstrong, Korben Dallas, Leto Atreides, The Shadow (allegedly) and Street Hawk.
Favorite foods: Mashed bananas, prunes, mashed bananas and prunes, mashed prunes with bananas.


Name: Spanky the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Ahoy ahoy, good Capitan!"
Background: With dry English wit and and never too far from a cup of banana tea, Spanky is the undisputed intellectual of the Monkeyboy set. He once sidekicked for International Rescue, until he started throwing mud at Virgil Tracy during an argument over a can of aerosol cheese. He also briefly 'kicked with Doctor Who, but was soon abandoned when The Doctor realized that Spanky wasn't a hot gal in a loincloth.
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana tea, bananas scones, mixed nuts, banana bangers and banana mash.


Name: Moe "Moe Moe" the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Oh no not again!"
Background: If the weather is warm, and the sun is real sunny, Moe Moe loves to have great fun that is funny! Unfortunately, Moe Moe once jumped onto the side of a giant anthropomorphic banana and was never seen or heard from again.
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana chips, small bananas, large bananas, giant bananas, banana juice.


Name:Frodo the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "I'll bite that for a dollar!"
Background: Frodo spends of much his time wearing baseball outfits and clown suits because, hey, what's funnier than that? Frodo can always be seen wearing a glove and they say it's full of banana mush that he keeps to feed his girlfriend.
Favorite foods: Bananas, banana mush, bananas sausage eggs and Spam, fruit cocktail.


Names: LoLo, Po Po, Hoho and Snickerdoodle the Seamonkeyboys and girls
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase (LoLo): "Pretty pretty, LoLo pretty!"
Catchphrase (Po Po): "That's my Monkeyboy!" and "That's my Monkeygirl!"
Catchphrase (Hoho): "I grok that!"
Catchphrase (Snickerdoodle): "Awww, go blow your jets!"
Background: The first family of aquatic sidekickery with Po Po the patriarch, Hoho the caring mother, and LoLo and Snickerdoodle the precocious kids. Po Po 'kicked for Aquaman, The Submariner and briefly for The Man From Atlantis before meeting his wife to be. Hoho almost 'kicked for The Little Mermaid, but got separated from them when a big school of fish swam by and a talking crab took her place. Po Po and Hoho met, fell in love, and the rest is comic sidekick history.
Favorite foods: Bananas, sea bananas, lake bananas, river bananas and creek bananas.


Name: Hojo the Monkeyboy
Homeplanet: Monkekbok
Catchphrase: "Awk! Time for this bird to fly!"
Background: Nobody is quite sure where Hojo came from, if he is a mutant or some evil genetic experiment gone awry. One thing is for certain, he did pass all of his classes at MIT-S with flying colors. He was Hawkman's sidekick for a while until he was accidentally sucked out the window of a jet. He is now believed to be 'kicking for Hawk.
Favorite foods: Banana-kabobs, banana creole, banana gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried bananas. Pineapple banana, lemon banana, coconut banana, pepper banana, banana soup, banana stew, banana salad, banana and potatoes, banana burger, banana sandwich.

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Baroness, The woman, the myth, the obsession


Anastasia Decobray, known throughout the world as The Baroness. One of G.I.Joe's most deadly enemies and one of the most beautiful to boot. Sure the Joe team had Lady Jaye (too bossy), Scarlett (unobtainable as she was with Snake Eyes or Duke, depending on which medium you preferred) and Cover Girl (what happened to her?), but Cobra had The Baroness.

She was a crack shot with a sniper rifle, an experienced intelligence officer, a seasoned pilot and she was a master of disguise!

Who's the old broad? Surprise surprise, it's The Baroness in disguise!


What other woman could crash a HISS tank and walk away from it?
OK, so Major Bludd pulled her from the wreckage and flew her to Switzerland for major reconstructive surgery, you know what I'm talking about, though.


I have to admit, my one complaint about The Baroness is that in the cartoon, she sounded like Dracula in drag, but with a show that featured snake men, giant germs, Fatal Fuzzies, a comically inept terrorist leader and an over the hill pro wrestler punching through walls, that's really not much to complain about.

She had the look. Ooh lah lah, I don't know what country she's originally from, but I sure would love to visit their leather outlets.


Oh to be stuck in a giant toy package with you, The Baroness.


A fine example of how fine The Baroness is.

Whether it is sneaking into a high security compound to steal some data tapes, flying the plane that drops the bomb that sinks an island bunker containing a ninja, an Eskimo and an evil scientist, or just relaxing in a hot tub, The Baroness will do the job and look good doing it.

Here she is posing with Snake Eyes, her mortal enemy. Why they aren't fighting it out tooth and claw, I don't know.

To quote Clarence Boddicker, "Guns! Guns! Guns!"


Always clad in her tight black, wait a minute, something doesn't look right here.



Nice try, Lady Jaye. Here's what The Baroness really looks like.


Now she looks great here. Something about the picture just isn't quite right, though.

Let's just get rid of Tubby. Much better.


I think once she had to perform community service, giving social lessons to drunk nerds or something.


Of course a beautiful woman like The Baroness transcends trends, but many women emulated her look. It was like the Rachel haircut.



On a final note, many of the images that I've uncovered when googling and yahooing "Baroness" were of old ladies and show dogs. Obviously not every one of the images would be of my The Baroness, but there was one Not-The Baroness that I am just busting to show you. This picture of this titular Baroness looks great for two reasons: 1. I am a sucker for red hair and 2. That background with the full moon and castle looks very nice. I think this picture is really swell, don't you?

And so I'll close out my little run down of Miss Anastasia Decobray with this little poem:

B -- Beauty
A -- Awesome pilot
R -- Royal bloodline
O -- Oh no, she's got a sniper rifle!
N -- No man can tame her, yet she is
E -- Every man's dream
S -- She is smart
S -- She is sly


The Baroness