Thursday, November 16, 2006

Hell is Like a Dio Album Cover

I took a big breath and let it out, then stepped into the Ninth Circle.

This is it; this is where I’ll go face-to-face with Lucifer. Mano a mano with the Lord of the Underworld. He’s got the strength and cunning of an eternity spent in evil and I’ve got me.

Feel free to hum Night on Bald Mountain.

“I must warn you,” Virgil said to me. “It is obvious that Lucifer is using Hudson as a pawn.”

“That should be obvious to everyone,” I agreed.

“He will tempt you, he will entice you, he will try to trick you,” the dead poet continued. “The longer you engage him, the easier it will become for him to subvert you to his evil.”

“Turn me to the Dark Side, eh?” I muttered. “Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan.”

“Oh, and what is it?”

“I will give him my soul freely in exchange for Hudson’s release,” I announced. “He won’t be able to take my soul because I am offering it to him with honorable intentions, not for selfish gains.”

“And you think this will work?” Virgil did not seem convinced.

“Sure it will,” I answered. “I saw it in a comic book once.”

“I’ve been waiting for you!” a voice thundered.

I looked up, then I looked further up, and then further still. Rising far higher than I could ever imagine was the Great Deceiver himself, and he was towering high over the innermost circle of this dreadful place. I had to keep it cool.

“I am here for Hudson’s soul,” I stated flatly.

“You’ll not get it,” Satan laughed evilly. “Not without a fight.”

“No no, that’s not what I want,” I held up my hands. “I am willing to trade you mine for his. Even Stevens.”

“I don’t think so,” the Dark Lord laughed. “I’ve seen that comic book, too. I won’t let you simply give me your soul. That is why we will battle for it. You may take his soul back, if you can.”

“He’s awfully big,” I said aside to Virgil. “What will happen if we fight?”

“He would surely win,” the ancient Roman answered. “Then he’ll have both yours and Hudson’s soul.”

“Silence!” Lucifer commanded. “It is not your place here; you shall not interfere in my domain!”

“He is right,” Virgil said to me. “I can offer you no more counsel.”

“OK, tall, dark, and gruesome, I’ll fight ya,” I said. “Only I don’t think it’s very fair that you’re so big and I’m just little ole me. Why doncha come on down here and then we’ll duke it out.”

“Oh, I don’t intend to engage you in physical combat,” the Devil laughed. “I have something else in mind.”


With a bright flash and a puff of sulfuric smoke, the gigantic demon disappeared. I couldn’t see him anywhere.

“OK,” I mumbled while looking around. “Where’d he go?”

“Oh I’m right here,” Satan replied. “And If you want to battle for Hudson’s soul, you can battle me in court. My court!”
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“Hooo ahhh!”


A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Ahhhhhhh!! Lawyers from Hell!!!! Oh wait that is redundant isn't it?

I guess I mean Ohhhhhhh, Lawyers from Hell (bored sigh)

Jean-Luc Picard said...

So the devil reads comic books?

Jon, you are invited to the Enterprise Christmas Party, due to start week commencing Monday 4th December.

The closing date for submitting your entry is Wednesday 29th November.

For full details, visit my Journal at

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Of course the devil reads comic books, haven't you heard of the Seduction of the Innocent? That's how he gets 'em when they're young!

Vegeta said...

Probaly a good idea for him not to fight. He's not very good at it. At least he wasn't when I was in Hell.

SQT said...

He'd be scarier if he turned into Keanu Reeves.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah, but wood catches fire.

Wood... wooded acting... get it?

Aw nevermind.

SQT said...


He would (wood?) spontaneously combust.

Gyrobo said...

And now we all know why it's dangerous to flush comic books.

They always end up in the same place.

Anonymous said...

that is scary that he looks like the cop that arrested Fury