Monday, November 20, 2006

Running with the Devil

I was in a courtroom, sitting with my elbows on a table with only a pitcher of water in front of me. To my right was another table with Lucifer the Lord of Darkness sitting calmly.

“I got you now, fool,” Satan leered at me. “This is the place where I really shine. Hooooo yeahhhh!”

“I think you really missed your calling,” I countered. “You should be a sportscaster on ESPN.”

“All rise,” a bailiff commanded. “Hell’s Court is now in session, the honorable Death presiding.”

The devil leaned over towards me. “The bailiff is a good man,” he whispered. “He can be a bit of a bull sometimes, but I like him. Heh heh.”

“Be seated,” Lady Death banged her gavel as she sat down. The Devil and I sat as well. “What do we have here? Let’s see, it looks like Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator here is challenging Satan’s right to Private Hudson’s soul. I want both parties to know right off the bat that I run a tight courtroom around here, I will not allow any Grisham-esque melodrama or Denny Crane-esque scenery chewing. I am very busy and you are taking time from my schedule when I could be doing my job. Do you understand?”

“Yes, your honor,” The cunning dark lord of the Underworld and I said in unison.

“You may begin,” she nodded to my adversary.

“Your honor,” Lucifer stood up. “My first witness is Private Hudson.”

With a flash and a puff of smoke, Private Hudson appeared at the witness stand.

“Oh man.” Hudson looked around at everything in the courtroom, and then waved kind of sheepishly towards me. “Hey Jon.”

I waved back. “Hey.”

In another puff of smoke, a scroll of paper appeared in the Fallen One’s hand. He unrolled it and showed it to Hudson.

“Hudson, do you know what this is?” the Devil asked.

Hudson looked at the paper. “Yes,” he heaved out a crestfallen sigh.

“Where have you seen this before?”

“When I signed it,” he answered.

“So you did indeed sign this?”

“Yes,” Hudson looked down and picked at something on his fatigue pants. “I did.”

“And so you signed this contract, this legally binding contract, for your soul in exchange for goods rendered?”

“Yes, I did.”

“No further questions, your honor,” the Lord of Lies smugly walked back to his table.

I stood up and looked at the contract. I almost did a double take as I looked at it again.

“Hudson, you signed this?” I asked.

“Yes, yes, I signed it already,” Hudson signed heavily.

“You sold your soul to see Vampirella in her underwear?”

“Well, I didn't know he was the Devil! I thought he was her agent or something!”

Already this is not going very well.


Trunks said...

She doesn't wear underwear I should know

Mirai Trunks said...

Shut up Trunks. And Hudson enjoy Hell there buddy. I think i'm going to have a party now

Local Henchmen 432 said...

*Shakes head* Poor Hudson

Professor Xavier said...

I figured he was going to hell for committing the sin of polygamy. Have you seen Big Love?

And Hudson, if you wanted to see Vampirella in her unmentionables that badly, you should have let me know. We made a rather entertaining video tape one night.

Private Hudson said...

Was that when you were with Magdelena? What's that called, a trinumerate or something?

Er, I mean save me Jon! You're my only hope!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Didn't Hudson serve his time n Hell already on that .... whatever it was Marines do or go when they get to say they get to go to Heaven cuz tehy already served there time in ... you get the idea.

I am positive I saw that on a Tee-Shirt somewhere.

Wolverine said...

Um Prof I think Ya should check that tape. I saw Mirai Trunks zap it with a a thunderbolt from that sword at the last party we had. i don't think eletricity and Videos mix

SQT said...

*shakes head*

You sold your soul for that?

You need some tips on bargaining my friend....

Anonymous said...

First of all I dont wear anything under my enchanted outfit or either of my armors which are also enchanted...

One it would look gawky with what I wear
2... I couldnt morph
3.... hey I like the feel of leather and latex *wink* and to feel sexy

Anonymous said...

oh and Charles you have me confused with Mystique I think

Anonymous said...

He made a deal with ... to do what.....

Grrrr... You know Private once upon a time I looked up to I still have your helmet

I should fry you for thinking about my mom like that

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It's a mistake anyone could make Hudson. Vampirella's lack of underwear should have been a clue, though.

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