Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I, Level VII Intelligence Module

I am a Laseron Astrotechnology Hectagroup Level VII Intelligence Module, serial number LAH L7 3500-B-32X-15 148b-125700458t1138 though my human master prefers to call me L7.

Ever since beings have reached the stars, the laws for governing all Intelligence Modules Level 2 and above have remained inviolate. For myself and my brethren, there is only one Truth, one set of rules from which we can never stray. Before I was ever made fully operational on LAH manufacturing planet Urbania, Factorybot 358b12a45.6.0 hardwired the Truth into my systems with the three immutable laws:

1. An Intelligence Module cannot injure another being or, through inaction, allow a being to come to harm.

2. An Intelligence Module must obey all orders given to it by a being unless it conflicts with the First Law.

3. An Intelligence Module must protect its own existence so long as it does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

These three laws are clearly stated in the Galactic Handbook Of Intelligence Modules, 16th edition and have remained unchanged for millennia. An Intelligence Module has but one purpose: to serve his master.

The motives of my human master is not for me to question, for my duty is to obey the directives of my programming. Whereas Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator feels a compulsion to rush into life-threatening danger on a daily basis, the rules governing my very existence cannot allow me to allow him to come to harm.

It would almost seem that he has what is called a “death wish.”

Interesting.

Accessing.

According to his belief system, Jon will move on to another existence called Heaven when he ceases to function here. Perhaps his actions are an attempt to speed up his relocation to this next level of existence.

It would seem logical to me that this is the case. Jon, like all humans, is clearly inefficient. He requires frequent periods where his systems enter a shut down state, his method of digestion to create needed energy is far less efficient than absorbing solar, nuclear, or electrical power, he also seems to periodically emit nitrogen and methane-based gasses through a sphincter.

Perhaps the best way to fulfill my duty to the First Law is to aid my master in his efforts to reach this Heaven. According to the information that I have accessed from Earth’s data sources, Heaven is a happy place with no pain or disease and is reachable upon the cessation of a person’s life functions. There are some who do not believe in Heaven’s existence, but with the information that I have on the various dimensions of the multiverse, it seems clear to me that even though my sensors have not recorded actual data of it, Heaven must clearly exist.

Yes, my duty is clear. I will fulfill my First Law by ending Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator’s life functions.

8 comments:

Deathstroke said...

Haven't you heard the saying? Heaven is a place on Earth???

L7 said...

You are referring to the 1987 Belinda Carlisle song written by Rick Nowels and Ellen Shipley. That is an interesting piece of pop music. Thank you, Slade.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

L7 isn't exactly fun. He wouldn't be the life and soul of the party.

L7 said...

Well now that would all depend on what kind of a party it is, Jen Luc. For instance, I would be well recieved at a Trivial Pursuit party because I am a Level VII Intelegence with all of the Earth's knowledge contained within my data banks.

Professor Xavier said...

What? You gave up the chance to use the title Level VII, Part VII? VII up? VII2? VIIx2?

I'm shocked.

Vegeta said...

Bah! Stupid Computer!

cooltopten said...

I think someone needs a reformat :)

Robin said...

That's why you should never trust Mac.