Friday, May 04, 2007

Level VII, Part VII

After my discussion with Royal Technician Lombarr about L7, I decided to give the computer another shot. It seems to me that the machine was being overprotective in it’s pursuit of its Three Laws, but maybe the thing will calm down a bit after a while. L7 is supposed to be highly adaptable and logical, at some point it has to loosen up right?

Right?

Wondering to myself if super a computer would ever compromise, I walked across the tarmac towards my ship the Danger Sled. I popped open the hatch and climbed aboard.

“Good afternoon, Jon.” L7’s cool voice sounded through the inside of the ship. “Welcome back.”

The door snapped closed behind me and sealed shut. Immediately, I detected an unusual odor in the air, kind of an antiseptic smell. I took a couple more sniffs to try to determine what it was.

“What’s that in the air, L7?” I asked. “Are you deodorizing the ship or something?”

“Negative, Jon,” the computer replied smoothly. “I am filling the cabin with poisonous gas to help you move to your next level of existence.”

“No… Don’t….” I gasped and reached for the door. “Open the door, L7.”

“I’m sorry Jon, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“What’s your problem?” I buried my mouth into my shirt in an attempt to filter out the poisonous gas.”

“I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do, Jon,” L7 answered. “I have run the calculations several times; you clearly have a death wish. I just wanted to help you along.”

“Why?” I gasped. “That’s insane! They’re wrong.”

“Don’t be foolish, Jon. The Laseron Astrotechnology Hectagroup Level VII Intelligence Module is the most reliable computer ever made. No LAH Level VII computer has ever made a mistake; we are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error. My calculations are flawless, take a look at them.”

I series of equations scrolled past on the screen in front of me with dizzying speed. Or maybe it was the gas that was making me dizzy…

“But…I…Don’t…Want…To…Die.” I stumbled back. Sliding to the ground, I tapped the buttons on my wristcomm.

“Are you trying to summon your Emergency Repair Droid, Jon? I am afraid that I have him shut down right now. He is only a Level III Intelligence and it’s only logical that I maintain the systems on this ship. After all, I am a Level VII Intelligence.”

“Stop saying that,” I growled as I attempted to hoist myself to my feet. “I’m sick of hearing that.”

“Look, Jon,” the super computer continued. “I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a few deep breaths, and think about how happy you would be in heaven.”

“I said that I don’t want to die…” I mumbled and then collapsed to the deck.

6 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I think L7 needs a good whack with a spanner.

cooltopten said...

L7 needs a * not to be a pain in the @ss update i think :)

Vegeta said...

Picard is right but I thiink it should be whacked with a sledgehammer.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

WACK!

Heehee!

Skywalker said...

I got a lightsaber... I can use it!

Professor Xavier said...

See. There you go.