Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Freedom

Are we still mad at the French? Are we still eating Freedom fries instead of French fries? I’m all for that, because Freedom fries sound so cool and who wouldn’t want the opportunity to stick it to the French just a little bit? It's like shooting frogs in a barrel.

That being said, don’t forget that France wasn’t the only country the US was mad at. We were also mad at Germany, Turkey and Russia, too. So I guess it’s Freedom chocolate cake, Freedom delight and Freedom dressing for everybody. Then we could have Freedom potato salad at the Freedom Tea Room after our visit to the Freedom bath.

You can go to a restaurant and order a salad with Freedom Dressing or Freedom dressing!

In fact, I am mad at the Dutch, Canada and Italy, too, so it’s Freedom dressing on Freedom bacon in my Freedom oven. Rocky Balboa to me is the Freedom Stallion and I look forward to the migration of the Freedom goose every year.

Might as well add Sweden and Ireland to the mix as well. I’m going to have my Freedom Meatballs and Freedom Spring soap, The Freedom Chef, Freedom step dancing, Freedom herring, Freedom whiskey, Freedom coffee!

Hey, I’m not stopping there, either. I’m gonna stick it to Columbia, Mexico and Japan with Freedom neckties, Freedom midget wrestling and Freedom gardens. I’m on a roll now, so it’s going to be Freedom, not Chinese, food; Freedom, not Norwegian, Cruise Lines and I am definitely going to keep all of my money in a Freedom bank account in Zurich (I’ll stop and get a Freedom Army knife and some delicious Freedom chocolate while I am there).

But you know what? I am so mad at Turkey that I’m not even going to refer to the bird by that name. This thanksgiving, I am going to serve Freedom. It’ll be Freedom with Freedom fries and Freedom dressing.

I can’t wait to hear someone say “I am going to eat your Freedom.” Actually, now that I think of it, that sounds a little creepy. I can’t picture anybody saying that, except maybe Dick Cheney.

11 comments:

Deekin said...

*munches some freedom fries with freedom dressing*

Vincent Valentine said...

Actually it was the Belgian who created "freedom/french fries" so actually you're eating Belgian Fries. I however do eat freedom on a regular basis, keeps the inner facist going.

Professor Xavier said...

Freedom bacon is my favorite!

Karnov said...

Freedom-Corn

Henchman432 said...

I'll play my freedom Horn...wait that came out wrong. * walks away*

Bathroom Hippo said...



Gotta be careful associating freedom with food....I'd hate to be the first bastard that eats Freedom Spring Soap.

SQT said...

I hope you don't mind, but this cracked me up so I linked to it on my blog.

Lee said...

came from sqt - brilliant post!

avery said...

Also came here from Sqt. Very funny.

Does this mean I can't shop at Ikea, the Freedish home store?

SQT said...

Yeah, where are we supposed to get our freedom furniture?

Barrett Laurie--Editor in Chief said...

LOL! That really was a low point for America! Great post!