Monday, July 02, 2007


Guest Poster Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Continued from here.

It seemed like the party lasted for days, this Star Destroyer was obviously flying through warp to some destination but there was no way in this galaxy that I could determine where. Gordo the Hutt sat on a giant slab on the deck as dancing girls, jugglers, and about anything else you could imagine performed their entertaining routines.

Bandit was thoroughly enjoying his stay. He was essentially drinking anything he could get his hands on and hitting on anything that moved. And there was a lot of movement at the party, believe me.

I had a few drinks, but I was mostly just carrying one around to keep up appearances. I wanted everyone to think that I was enjoying myself, but I wanted to be in full control of my faculties if anything happened.

“Havin’ fun, angel?” Bandit slurred as he slid up next to me.

“Oh great fun,” I replied. “And don’t call me that.”

“Whatever you shay, kitten. This party is shwell.”

I felt the ship lurch out of warp speed suddenly. Many of the party goers, Bandit included, stumbled to keep their balance.

“The mighty Gordo the Hutt invites everyone to watch the viewscreen,” the protocol droid announced. “The great experiment will now commence.”

All eyes were on the viewscreen as the image of a freighter flicked onto it.

“This is the Rendall’s Ranger,” Captain B’Sogg announced. “Owned and operated by Kel Rendall and currently in the next sector from us.”

Stats on the ship and its location flashed up on side of the screen. The ship continued to hang in space near a small planet.

“Prepare to fire!” Gordo the Hutt announced in his own language. “Let’s see what your experiment with the power cores can do.”

“What?” I yelled as cheers swelled up from the party goers.

“Targeting,” B’Sogg announced as he hunched over a terminal. “Firing.”

The view on the screen showed a lance of energy striking the freighter. The rusty ship quickly erupted into a fireball. The crowd cheered even louder at the sight of the explosion.

“Looks like we have a successful demonstration,” B’Sogg announced glibly.

“How could you?” I growled as I rushed up next to him. “That’s inhuman!”

“Ha ha, do I look human to you?” he laughed back. “Do not worry, Rendall was working for a competitor of ours.”

“Unbelievable. You’re a monster!”

“Although I do appreciate your feistiness,” Gordo boomed. “You should still watch what you are saying.”

“I don’t care,” I yelled back at him as Bandit rushed up to try to quiet me. “You are a horrible, filthy, disgusting, evil bag of garbage and I don’t want to have anything else to do with you. We’re leaving.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Bandit held up his hands. “What the pretty lady here is trying to say is that she hopes you’re satisfied with the BERE Cores and as soon as we receive our payment, we’d like to be on our way.”

“Shut up, jerk!” I pushed Bandit and he took a step back into the arms of a pair of guards. Two more guards swooped in and grabbed me.

“Heh heh, you are feisty.” The ersatz captain grabbed me by the cheek and leaned close. “I like your energy, but your attitude needs a bit of an adjustment.”

“Have your goons let go of me,” I spat back. “I’ll show you an adjustment.”

“I don’t think so.” His oily face was disgustingly close to mine. “Guards, lock them in their room. Hopefully she will come to appreciate her good fortune in a short while.”

“I don’t think so,” I struggled vainly as the two beefy sentries hauled me away. “You’re an ugly, evil bastard and you’re going to burn in Hell!”

“She doesn’t mean that,” Bandit called out while be hauled away himself. “Women you know, ha ha!”


Darvin said...

'Tis quite a way for Gordo to eliminate the competition... I admire that.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Go getum! Kick is backside, girl!

Skywalker said...

Oh I think she means it.

Vegeta said...

What's so monsterous about blowint up the competition?

Deekin said...

"What's so monstrous about blowin' up the competition?"

Professor Xavier said...

Out of the fire and into the frying pan.

Quinlan Vos said...

Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the lightsaber this morning.