Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Emergency Landing on the Swamp Planet

Coming home from work one evening, one of the FTS drives on my ship Danger Sled disengaged and I was forced to land on a strange swamp planet for repairs. To be honest I don't make the repairs, I barely fly the thing (I am only human, and faster-than-light travel is well beyond my expertise), that is what the ERU-21 is for. While the Emergency Repair Unit was working on the craft, I felt a strange presence. I whirled around and drew my +2 XP laser gun just in time to see a small green creature staring at me.

"Away with your weapon! I mean you no harm," said the creature.

I know sometimes looks can be deceiving, but I truly felt at that moment that what he said was true, so I put the pistol away.

"I am wondering," continued the imp. "Why are you here?"

"Ah, just fixing my ship, it looks like the IP Configurator burned out."

"Looking?" he replied. "Found someone, you have, I would say, hmmm?"

"What? No, my repairbot here will just remap the circuits and I will soon be out of your way."

"Ahhh! A great warrior," he laughed and shook his head. "Wars not make one great."

I thought that maybe he recognized me from the Intergalactic Gladitorial Entertainment (formerly Intergalactic Gladitorial Federation until they lost the lawsuit), so I tried to play off my profession a bit. "We're not really warriors," I answered. "In fact, many interplanetary conflicts are resolved in the Arena, many wars were avoided."

That seemed to confound the green fellow a little more. "Yoda," he asserted. "You seek Yoda!"

Yoda? I am sure that I have seen his blog, but I wasn't actually looking for him. "No, I just want to get this thing fixed and head home for dinner."

"Mmm. Take you to him, I will," my diminutive companion sounded like he was getting a little upset. "Yes, yes. But now, we must eat. Come. Good food. Come."

I looked at the readout from the ERU, there was one particular weld that was very difficult and would take some time. I wanted to be near in case anything happened, so I politely declined his offer, telling him, once again, that I wanted to supervise the repairs on my ship.

The creature scrunched up his little face, clearly he was getting more frustrated. "Not far. Yoda not far. Patience. Soon you will be with him," he added through his teeth.

Maybe senility is setting in, I thought, the little dude looks like he has to be 800 years old. "I don't want to see Yoda," I replied. "I just want to fix this thing and go."

"Wait a minute, him you are not...?" he trailed off. "Training you are not here for?"

"I don't think so."

With that he turned and looked off into the swamp. "Him this is not!" he said to no one that I could see. "On the other side of swamp he is?" he asked. "Then this is...?" he trailed off again. "Oh."

He turned to me, "Embarrassed I am," he said. "Expecting someone else, I was," he added.

"No problem," I assured him. "I'll just wait here until my ship is fixed."

"Fixed it is," he said with a wave of his hand. The indicators all pinged green and the repairbot signaled an affirmative. "Leave you may. Please."

I wrangled the ERU into the craft and climbed aboard. I waved goodbye and launched for home. I don't quite understand how the engine was repaired so quickly though.

"Magic, I guess," I harrumphed. I was still chuckling as the FTS drives engaged.


Anonymous said...

I once met a small green creature myself.

Although, his name was Kermit and strangely, his finger smelled like pork.

j00|{z said...

If you've seen a guy who greatly resembles a softer-looking Anakin, the guy from that new Star Wars movie, I think you should tell Yoda.

Master Yoda said...

Sign up for AAA you should. Have Yoda around always you will not.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

At least it wasn't Darth Vader on the Death Star.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wookiehobbit, I;ll keep my eyes out.

Master Yoda, Argolin Alcoholics Anonymous? I don't know if they can help me...

Capt. Picard, You are right, sir. I do not wish to have my windpipe crushed.

Jar Jar Binks said...

Yousa luckysa datsa yousa no crashsa on MYSA planetsa. Mesa wouldsa turnsa you into koopa-doodoo if yousa landsa in MYSA swamp. Mysa swampsa civilizedsa, wesa no needsa wreckedsa speedersa. Oncesa againsa, thank yousa forsa notsa landingsa in my swampsa. Hmph(sa) said...

It won't succeed as a matter of fact, that's what I believe.

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