Super Powers

When I was a kid, I always wanted to fly. Flight was always the greatest superpower in my mind and that ability far exceeded any other ability like strength, shooting ice out of your hands or running fast.

Actually, I wanted to run fast when I was a kid. In 2nd grade, I was so enamored with cheetahs that I created a superhero with that name. His origin bounced around from being from a doomed planet to extracting a serum from his pet cheetah that granted him super speed. Hey I was in 2nd grade, I didn't even care that Cheetah infringed on a villain on the Super Friends. Cheetah teamed up with my friend's creation Rocketman, who could fly and shoot rockets out of his fingertips. Ouch.

The Adventures of Rocketman and Cheetah!

Sometime later, I figured out that flying was way cooler than running fast. One of my college roommates insisted that invisibility was the best super power because of it's sly uses. That's not a bad idea, but he would have to put down the bowl and get out of his bed to actually use the power in this sneaky fashion.

So as I developed into an Intergalactic Gladiator, I realized that I had super powers. Nothing as fascinating as flying or turning invisible, but interesting powers nonetheless.

• I am the dog whisperer. My father actually had a similar ability to get close to robins and deer. I am really good with dogs and they listen to me, unless I ask Scotchie not to pee on my wife's nice rug.
• I can also very convincingly bark like a dog.
• I have the mutant ability, which manifested itself during my teens just like all mutants, to not be detected as a mutant by magical, scientific or psionic means.
• I can jog several city blocks without getting winded.
• I don't smell bad. Even after vigorous exercise, I get kind of funky but it it's not a stink.
• I used to have a hollow leg, I could pack in endless amounts of food. I have since lost that ability.
• I am often charismatic and funny in public situations. This ability is sometimes increased by a secret elixir called "Beer."

I might even have a few more super powers that I haven't discovered yet. Don't worry, true believers, as an older, wiser man once told his young charge "With great power comes great responsibility." I will always use my abilities for good.