Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Hudson reviews Shadows of the Night

Pat Benatar is rock star and an American legend. Her songs make you laugh and cry, but mostly they make you think. Shadows of the Night is no exception and the video for it is no exception, either. Here I will critique what is arguably history's greatest video and perhaps you too will agree with my assessment.

Here our heroine is working hard at a drill press, pressing out little metal round thingies for victory. But she longs for something more. She stares at a poster featuring P-51 Mustangs. We dissolve to a rough and tumble group of aviators getting a briefing from a pointing stick-wielding officer who slaps a map a couple times. Quickly, they run to their planes and climb in and

Judge Reinhold? What the heck is Judge "Frickin'" Reinhold doing there anyway? OK, I guess he's one of the pilots. Good for him.

So our daring, rough and ready squad takes to the skies and after a couple of sweet aerial maneuvers, head straight for the enemy. The group gets to their objective and they hit the ground. They're going commando to take out the enemy.

Nazis! They're taking on a Nazi stronghold!

Show 'em what fer guys! Say, who is that handsome soldier on the left?

Pat Benatar leads her commando team in where they stay just out of sight of those evil National Socialists.

Then they plant not one, not two, but three bundles of TNT right in the air vent. They're going to blow this place sky high. I am not sure why they didn't just drop a bomb on it or something, but you gotta hand it to them for their pluck and their determination. They're in there getting their hands dirty, not just lasing a target from 800 meters away. They're going to blow it up with dynamite just like their great, great granddaddies used to blow up Nazi chalets.

Der Kommandandt takes a moment from kissing the neck of a sweet Fräulein to run back to the main room and sound the alert. Meanwhile, the handsome young soldier mans the radio station.

The dirty Jerries scramble to stop the heroic intruders and what's this? One of the soldaten has a ponytail! A ponytail? Where's the barber, this guy's haircut is out of regulation!

Our heroes race back to their planes, strip the cammo net away and lift off!

The Nazis give chase and a dogfight ensues. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will live and who will die? We don't know.

In the cockpit, the angelic voiced dogface sings into her microphone. Who could be listening?

Could it be to the young, good looking radio operator? It just might be.

Meanwhile on the tabletop, the figures representing the German planes in the air are swept away. The commander is so disgusted that he accidentally hits his subordinate, the pulchritudinous radio operator.

The Jerry pilot angrily shakes his hand at our heroes, then screams and crashes into the ground. His evilness is no more.

The German stronghold explodes! We hope that the jackboot-wearing Adonis was able to dive for safety. He doesn't deserve to die, he was just following orders.

Mission accomplished. Time for the Dirty Foursome to head home.

But wait, was this only a dream? It must have been! The rugged and striking soldier must still be alive.

Clearly you can see how powerfully emotional this video is. I give it 73 rounds from my M41A Pulse Rifle!

See Shadows of the Night here!

See something horrific and terrifying here!


A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I thought you would be more of a "I Need A Lover" Benatar person. But nice blow by blow account of the video and thanks for reminding me that I am older then dirt. Not only do I remember that video I also remember that One of her videos was the second one played on MTV.

Professor Xavier said...

Hudson was a Nazi? I'm shocked.

So who were you in Hell is For Children? The mean principle giving the poor kids detention?

How about in Because the Night Belongs to Lovers? That perv peeking in the window?

I'm glad to see you changed agents. Intergalactic Gladiator Sidekick is a much better gig.

Anonymous said...

I love Pat Benetar I got to see a free concert when I went to Universal Studio for mardi gras
She is the coolest

Karnov said...

And you didn't even have to storm Castle Wolfenstein.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

For you, ze var is ofer!

Wedge Antillies said...

It is so... 'British', or should I say 'Saxon'.

Gyrobo said...

As technology has brought shows such as this to our doorsteps, so too shall the great Quickening hasten the demise of the modern medieval state.

Darth Nepharia said...

I thought I saw all the videos on MTV, but it appears I missed this one. Thanks for the play-by-play...now I'll have to go find it.

Anonymous said...

What a great site Culinary + school + bethesda Rv kitchen supplies