Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Planet Hacknor, Fire Island D

I was walking across the tarmac of the landing pad on Fire Island D when I thought I heard something off in the distance.

“Bounce... Bounce... Bounce...”

I stopped and looked around. I couldn’t see what was making that noise, though.

“Bounce… Bounce… Bounce…!”

Again, I couldn’t tell where that noise was coming from.

“Bounce. Bounce. Bounce!”

I quickly turned around. It didn’t work, I couldn't see who was doing it.

“Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!”

It seemed pretty obvious who it was, but I let him get closer.

“Howya doin’ Jonny, Jon Jon Jon Shabadoo?”

“Mojo the Monkeyboy,” I looked at him. “What brings you here?”

“Well, buddypalchumbuddyfriend,” he answered. “I’ve been watching-swatching-glotching Last Gladiator Standing, of course.”


“Well, I was just thinking-inking,” Mojo continued. “You had a sidekick competition, righty?”


“I think you could have another one, Jingo Jango Jongo!” he squealed.

“Ah, so you could get a job ‘kicking?” I asked.

“You got it, Jon-Darme!” he snorted. “I’ll be your bestest friend fow ever and ever and ever!”

“So, you got your Intergalactic Sidekickery Phorce internship card?” I asked.

“Ah, well, er I wouldn’t say that I have insomuch as I am still not, er, mumble mumble,” he mumbled. “But I got my themesong! Listen to this!

“The wonderful thing about monkeboys
Is monkeyboys are wonderful things!
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs!
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about monkeyboys is
I'm the only one!

“What do you think, Jon Boy Wall-Tin Tin Tin?”

“Well,” I said. “I can think of two things that might be wrong about that. First, you’re not the only monkeyboy. Second, I don’t think you actually have a tail.”

“Sure I do,” he answered. “My tailbone’s connected to my butt bone. My butt bone’s connected to my brain bone. Well, not actually, but hey! I can use that song maybe!”

“I think something like that’s been done before,” I chuckled. “Nice try.”

“OK, howabout:

“I am Mojo the Monkeyboy, nana nana nana nana Monkeyboy!”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work so well either. Keep tryin’ though.”

“You got it buddy boy bones buoy bingo balk bundt cake cracker!”

Mojo happily bounced away in one direction, I walked off in another. I’m getting pretty good at this. Put up with a monkeyboy’s antics for a few minutes, then their short attention span will lead them into another direction. I chuckled to myself at the thought.

My thoughts were interrupted as a soft, fuchsia energy surrounded me. I knew this feeling from before. I was being summoned by Queen Galacta.

I felt my molecules reassemble on a transporter pad. I stepped off it and walked up to the officer standing before me.

“Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” he said. “The Queen of the Galaxy needs your help.”

“I know,” I answered.


A Army Of (Cl)One said...

So I am guessing the uniforms were picked out by the queen. And I further guess that the queen's freaky eyes cause her to be color blind.

Am I right?

Professor Xavier said...

Apparently I'm going to have to start a letter writing campaing to have Mojo killed, ASAP. What address do we send those missives and pleas to?

Anonymous said...

I am with Xavier

Wedge Antillies said...

Oh man, I hope Mickey Mouse doesn't read your blog, or he's gonna sue somebody!

And I am with Dr. X on this one. I don't hate MoJo, or his ilk, but the thought of him in a competition is just too scary to contemplate.

Jaina Solo said...

*Gasp* What adventure will Jon be off on now?
If you want to find out stay tuned. If you don't then turn over!
(but stay tuned, he's always really exciting)

Gyrobo said...

How about a competition where the sidekick gets to watch infomercials until they become paste?

No... too cruel.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Jaina: why turn over? what kind of kinky game are you playing here? (and can I join?)