Monday, August 21, 2006

To the Leviathan and Beyond!

I was prepping the Danger Sled for launch. Professor Xavier was in the cockpit and Professor S’Magmier was stowing his gear in the hold. I moved around the outside of the ship and I was just about to climb up into it when I heard that noise again.

“Bounce, bounce, bounce.”

There he was bounding across the tarmac. Oblivious to the sky cycles, the aircraft, and all the other activity of a busy landing pad, he aimed his frenetic bouncing right towards me.

“Hey hey Jonny Jon Jon Jo Jo J J!” He cackled gleefully. “You goin’ on a trip, buddy muddy fuddy duddy?”

“That’s right Mojo,” I answered. “It’s an important one, too. I don’t have time to goof off with you today.”

“Sure you do, do doodoo! There’s always time to goof off.”

“Ah, nope, I’m afraid not.” I leaned in real close to him. “This mission is of vital importance to the galaxy. Queen Galacta herself is sending me on it.”

“Oh joy,” Mojo’s eyelashes batted. “She is so beauteous. I would loooo-ooove to share a banana split with her, if you know what I mean.”

“Do you mean that you just want to share a banana split with her?” I asked flatly.


“Well, that’s nice,” I started up the ramp. “But I really have to go.”

“Wait! I know what your mission needs!” He paused as if he was building a dramatic effect. “A sidekick!”

“I don’t think so,” I replied.

“Pppppppplease, Eddie!” he called out. “I’ll be your best fwend fo ever and ever and ever!”

I leaned in closer to him. My eyes darted back and forth mysteriously. “Yeah, except I have a very important mission for you. Only you.”

His eyes widened. His mouth popped open. “Really?”

“Really.” I leaned closer still. “I need you to take care of my goldfish while I’m gone.”

Mojo gulped, then he smiled and his hand flipped up into a salute. “You can count on me Jay Jay Jumpin’ Jingleheimerschmidt! Hey, that’s my name too! Hooo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah!”

I watched him bounce happily away, then stepped into the ship and made my way into the cockpit.

“You don’t have a goldfish,” Professor Xavier said to me.

“No,” I replied. “They keep dying on me.”

“And you just sent off that monkeyboy like that.”

“On a fool’s errand,” I chuckled. “Who better to send? Besides, do you really want a monkeyboy here with us?”

“No!” Xavier quickly replied. “No thank you. I do believe that this mission would continue nicely without him.”

“My gear is stowed, thank you,” Professor S’Magmier stepped into the cockpit. “Now if you two are finished picking mites out of each other’s body hair, I am ready to go.”

“You know, Smeggy, I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of this in front of the Queen but you’re really beginning to get on my nerves. You’re gonna have to zip it on this flight or else I might have to make you feel bad with some real harsh words.”

“Spoken like the backwards species that you are,” S’Magmier snapped back. “It is my job to make contact with the leviathan, yours is to just get me there. Perhaps if you could get those thumbs of yours to work, you could paw that control panel well enough to get us to our destination.”

“OK, that’s it,” I leaped up from my seat and grabbed his arm. “I’m going to show you what an unevolved person like myself is capable of.”

“Oh my--! Don’t kill me!” he wailed. “Don’t kill me!”

“We don’t really need him, do we Professor?”

“I would say the ride would be much more pleasant without him as well,” Xavier answered. “Although I might add that--”

“OK, cool!” I maneuvered the groveling scientist to the hatch. “You’re not coming, Smeggy. We’ll see you later.”

“But what about... Ahhh! No!” I popped the door open and pushed him through it.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a small drop!” I yelled to him. “I’m sure an advanced species such as you can survive it.”

S’Magmier landed on the ground with a thud. He looked up at me with a bit of a pout.”

“Hasta la vista, Smeggy!” I yelled to him.


“I said ‘Ciao, chucklehead!’”

“What the frell are you saying?”

“Viva la revolution!” I whooped and closed the hatch.

He shook his fist back at me in futile rage as I waved to him from the cockpit. I lifted my ship off the ground, hovered for just a moment, and then shot her straight through the clouds and into space.

“You know, Jon,” Professor Xavier looked at me from the copilot’s chair. “You’re not doing our species any favors with behavior such as that. We might actually need his expertise when we meet this leviathan.”

“Meh, I’ve been in worse situations before,” I answered. “I think you and I can handle it. It’s first and ten, here we go!”

“Jon, you already said that it was first and ten earlier,” Xavier pointed out. “Is it still?”

“Uh, I guess it’s second and seven,” I shrugged and popped my ship into hyperspace. “Pass or run?”

“And what is with the football analogies?” Xavier asked. “I have to admit, I am not really a fan of the game.”

“Can’t help it,” I answered. “Football season’s about to start!”


Professor Xavier said...

I shudder everytime I hear you use Mojo's name. I can't help tbut thing of that giant yellow giggling maniac with a butt for a belly from the Mojoworld. He is both insane and extremely dangerous. Almost ironic that you have a would-be sidekick with the same name.

flu said...

Shouldn't you have thought of S'Magmier's safety before you pulled that flee-flicker on him? That was out of bounds for you. Shouldn't you touchdown and get him? Or touchback down and get him?... or whatever you call it. You two might need him for a skull session huddle before you get into the red zone. After all, you could find yourself looking up 79 yards of gridiron on a third and really long with no timeouts late in the fourth.

Think about it really - that scenario would end up making you want to take your bases and head for home.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I call foul on you for that, Fluke. you really should be penalized for those comments.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I did not know one could just drop whiny, annoying team members off the ship. I'll have to think about when I can use this idea. *eyes Skywalker* Hmmmmm