The Devil and Dr. Freud

Satan called forth Sigmund Freud and in a flash, the father of psychology appeared on the witness stand.

“Was ist--?” He looked around at Death, Satan, Hudson, and me. “Unglaublich!”

“Dr. Sigmund Freud,” Mephistopheles stepped forward. “Please take a look at Exhibits A, B, C, and D. Could you please give the court your impressions of a person who would wear a garment such as this?”

“Oh, I don’t do impressions,” Freud stated. “Oh ho ho! Zhat’s an oldie but a goodie! Ve love zat joke in zhe psychology field.”

“Yes, very witty,” the Devil responded dryly. “Could you please tell the court what you think about Vampirella here, who is shown in these pictures?”

“Vell, zis voman has little conflict between her id and ego,” the Austrian analyst answered. “Clearly her ego allows her id, or her libido and subconscious drives, to be pushed forward towards her consciousness. She is saying ‘I am a gorgeous voman! Look at my beauty!’ And vhat a pretty popo she has!”

“So you are saying that she is being driven by her psyche to wear this outfit?”

“Vell, it is more complex that that,” he answered. “Zer are studies und research und analysis zat we could examine that vould help us with our understanding. She seems to be such a special case zat I vould love to study her. Study her for hours und hours. Ein was für reizender, glänzender Apfel!”

“So this woman shown here would have no problem wearing what other, more modest, individuals would consider underwear as outerwear?” the Devil asked.

“It does not appear so,” Freud answered.

“No further questions,” the Devil stepped back towards his desk. “Hooo ahhhhhh!”

“Dr. Freud, clearly we could analyze Vampirella’s taste in clothing endlessly,” I said as I strode towards the witness stand. “We could go on and on about her choice of attire compared to a regular person, couldn’t we?”

“Oh, jah,” he agreed. “Ve could analyze her for a very long time. Heh heh, I’d like to analyze her long time.”

“So you would agree that this is no ordinary woman,” I continued. “She has powers and abilities beyond that of any normal mortal, and as such she is undoubtedly and exceptional being.”

“Oh I agree,” Freud nodded. “Very exceptional. Very exceptional, indeed.”

“And as she is exceptional, she also has an exceptional taste in clothing,” I continued.

“Oh jah, jah, very exceptional. Very, very exceptional.”

“Of course, it isn’t our job here to debate what she should or should not wear in public,” I asserted. “Her garment covers what society has deemed should be covered. If someone doesn’t like it, that’s his or her issue, correct?”

“Zat ist correct.”

“So even though her outfit is... meager, to say the least, she is wearing it as outerwear which makes it outerwear,” I contended.

“Jah, I vould have to agree.” Freud pulled a pocket watch out of his waistcoat. “Oh, but I see zat our hour is up. Perhaps ve should schedule another time vhere ve could talk.”

“That will be all, thank you.”