Freedom

Are we still mad at the French? Are we still eating Freedom fries instead of French fries? I’m all for that, because Freedom fries sound so cool and who wouldn’t want the opportunity to stick it to the French just a little bit? It's like shooting frogs in a barrel.

That being said, don’t forget that France wasn’t the only country the US was mad at. We were also mad at Germany, Turkey and Russia, too. So I guess it’s Freedom chocolate cake, Freedom delight and Freedom dressing for everybody. Then we could have Freedom potato salad at the Freedom Tea Room after our visit to the Freedom bath.

You can go to a restaurant and order a salad with Freedom Dressing or Freedom dressing!

In fact, I am mad at the Dutch, Canada and Italy, too, so it’s Freedom dressing on Freedom bacon in my Freedom oven. Rocky Balboa to me is the Freedom Stallion and I look forward to the migration of the Freedom goose every year.

Might as well add Sweden and Ireland to the mix as well. I’m going to have my Freedom Meatballs and Freedom Spring soap, The Freedom Chef, Freedom step dancing, Freedom herring, Freedom whiskey, Freedom coffee!

Hey, I’m not stopping there, either. I’m gonna stick it to Columbia, Mexico and Japan with Freedom neckties, Freedom midget wrestling and Freedom gardens. I’m on a roll now, so it’s going to be Freedom, not Chinese, food; Freedom, not Norwegian, Cruise Lines and I am definitely going to keep all of my money in a Freedom bank account in Zurich (I’ll stop and get a Freedom Army knife and some delicious Freedom chocolate while I am there).

But you know what? I am so mad at Turkey that I’m not even going to refer to the bird by that name. This thanksgiving, I am going to serve Freedom. It’ll be Freedom with Freedom fries and Freedom dressing.

I can’t wait to hear someone say “I am going to eat your Freedom.” Actually, now that I think of it, that sounds a little creepy. I can’t picture anybody saying that, except maybe Dick Cheney.

Intergalactic Update

Hi, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator here with a little update for all of my Junior Intergalactic Gladiators.

Wow, things sure are happening with Jan and Bandit aren’t they? I’m sure that everything will turn out OK on that Star Destroyer. They’ll get their money for delivery of those power cores and be on their way without any trouble at all, right? Right?

I also wanted to let everyone know that I have a post over on SQT’s Fantasy and Sci-Fi Loving blog. Please head on over there and give it a look.

Finally, wanted to alert you that my next post here will be a rerun of sorts. Dr. Zaius is hosting the July 4th edition of the Carnival of Liberals and my next post will be my entry for it. Hey it may be a rerun, but of you haven’t seen it before, it’s new to you!

There you go kids, see you soon!

Our Gracious Host

Guest Poster Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

After our meeting with Gordo the Hutt, Bandit and I were herded to another deck and shown to the guest quarters, which appeared to be an unused officer’s room. It was surprisingly nicer than the rest of the steel and gray décor of the ship, but it still looked like an Imperial officer’s room to me.

Bandit, however, whistled at the grandeur of the room. “Sure does look pretty, don’t it?”

“The room?” I asked. “It just looks like a room to me.”

“We are onboard an Imperial Star Destroyer and they gave us this room,” he replied. “We could be in worse places, like the brig.”

“You do have a point there,” I said absently as I started to look around the room. “It doesn’t look like they’re interested in locking us away. Then again, there’s nowhere for us to run.”

“Well look at this,” Bandit whistled again as a panel slid away revealing several expensive-looking dresses. “Maybe you could try one of these on and we can paint the town red? Or at least we can paint the ship red, ha ha.”

“I think that I’ll be fine in what I have on right now.”

“You know, you could stand to loosen up just a little,” Bandit suggested. “Would it kill you to try on a nice dress?”

“I like what I have on,” I replied. “The flight suit is comfortable and functional. What else do I need?”

“What else do you need?” Bandit asked aghast. “What’s the point of living if you don’t look good doing it? What is it going to take for me to get you out of those clothes?”

“More than you’ve got,” I snapped back.

“I’m serious,” he insisted. “You have your pick of nice clothes right here. Would it kill you to try one on?”

I stepped over and looked the outfits up and down. “It might,” I replied with a smile.

Our conversation was interrupted by a pinging at the door. A moment later, it slid open and Captain B’sogg stepped in.
“I trust I am not interrupting,” he presumed.

“Not at all,” Bandit waved him off. “What can I do you for?”

“There will be a reception this evening in honor of the great Gordo,” B’Sogg stated. “You presence is requested.”

“Oh a party, eh?” Bandit grinned. “I’m liking this place more and more already.”

“You will find suitable clothes in your suite,” B’Sogg continued. “As I see you have already discovered. Please feel free to make yourselves more presentable. Food and entertainment is available at all hours at the forward observation level.”

“Food and entertainment? All hours?” Bandit exclaimed. “Now I’m really liking this place.”

“Of course,” B’Sogg grinned calculatingly. “You are our guests here. The BERE Cores have been unloaded and are now being installed onboard. Once they are tested to the great Gordo’s satisfaction, payment will be made and you will may fly off to your next delivery.”

“Sounds good to me,” Bandit beamed. “Like I said, I am always up for a party.”

“Very good,” B’Sogg nodded. “Please join us when you are ready.”

“I have a question,” I said before he could leave.

“And what is it, my lady?”

“When did the Hutts get so cozy with the Empire?”

B’Sogg paused, then a grin crossed his face.

“Ha ha, you are much more observant than one would expect,” he answered. “Observant and daring. Let’s just say that when an admiral has a few heavy gambling debts, handing off the operation of a Star Destroyer to his debtor is one way to pay off those debts.”

A short while later, Bandit and I were on our way to the party. We encountered few officers and troopers, but less than one would imagine on a vessel such as this.

“I am very surprised,” I commented.

“About what’s going on around here?” Bandit asked.

“No, that you actually look pretty good when you dress up a little,” I grinned.

“Hey, I clean up pretty well,” he laughed.

The door slid open to the observation level and the sight of the party was something to behold. A menagerie of strange aliens filled the area, each one stranger than the last. Slimy creatures, lithe dancing girls, snarling bounty hunters, and just about everything else you could imagine that would occupy a Hutt’s entourage was there and they were all drinking and laughing loudly.

“Yeah, I really like this place!” Bandit smiled as he grabbed a drink off the tray of a passing cocktail waitress.

On the Bridge of the Naal’taa

Guest Poster Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Bandit and I were in the turbolift making our way to the bridge. Despite the speed of the car we were in, it seemed liked it was taking forever to get to our destination. The white armored troopers stood quietly, watchful of any move that either he or I might make. We just stood there, though, as apprehension silently filled my heart.

Finally, Bandit couldn’t take it anymore. “What do you mean we’re in more trouble than I can imagine?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

I gave him a “be quiet” look and then nodded towards our captors. Hopefully, he’ll get the message.

“How can we be in more trouble?” he pressed. “Maybe they’ll confiscate the cargo, but then they’ll just turn us loose, right? At least you got half your pay for the trouble.”

“Bandit, would you just keep it down?” I whispered back. The troopers haven’t reacted yet but I don’t want to get a rifle butt to the back of my head because of my tactless companion here.

“Why can’t we talk?” he continued. “Seriously. You guys wouldn’t shoot us for talking, would you?”

“Knock yourself out,” one of the troops answered noncommittally.

“OK, so we’re safe in here,” Bandit continued. “Why would we be in so much trouble now?”

“Because,” I leaned forward and growled very quietly and carefully in his ear. “The Empire is extremely prejudiced against non-human species. Whatever that Capatain is, human he isn’t. That’s why were in trouble.”

“I’m sure this can all be straightened out,” Bandit said confidently. “Maybe he’s from a rare alien species but such a master tactician that they just had to make him a captain.”

The lift came to a halt and the doors slid open. The troops prodded us out onto the deck.

“You two have got a lot to learn about how things operate around here,” the first said condescendingly.

“If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get out of here alive,” the other said ominously. The two troopers laughed at the last comment.

Great, I thought to myself and blew a strand of hair out of my eye.

Bandit and I stepped out onto the deck of the bridge and looked around. Everything was gray. The deck, the computer stations, and the uniforms of all the men were all a muted shade of gray. Technicians manned their stations as officers moved back and forth between their charges. The whole area hummed with the noise of activity. There was another noise as well. Something I couldn’t quite identify.

“What is that noise?” asked Bandit.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “It’s like some kind of deep rumbling. I can’t place it, though.”

As we stepped forward across the metal deck, the rumbling grew louder and individual beats formed in the noise.

“That almost sounds like—” Bandit began.

“Laughter,” I answered. “But what could--?”

My own question was answered before I finished the sentence as a dais spun around and we were able to see its occupant. His -or its- laughter rose into a crescendo; a deep, wet, rumbling, booming echo.

“Lady and gentleman,” a protocol droid standing next to the giant slug announced. “I present to you Gordo the Hutt.”


The Hutt continued to laugh as Bandit stuck out his hand towards him.

“Gordo the Hutt? I’m very pleased to meet you,” he said. “I’m Bo Bandit.”

“I know who you are,” the Hutt rumbled in his own language. “Thank you for the prompt delivery of the power cores.”

“Hey, no problem,” Bandit smiled. “Now if I just receive my payment, we’ll just take off and be out of your hair, er, you know.”

The Hutt replied again in his own language. What he said exactly I could not understand. Evidently, Bandit couldn’t understand it either as he looked at me and shrugged helplessly.

“The great Gordo the Hutt assures you that payment will be made in due time,” the droid announced. “But he would first like assurance the Broadcast Energy Radiation – Electronic Cores will work. In the meantime, the Great Gordo invites you as a guest on his ship, the glorious jewel of the crown of his empire that is the Naal’taa.”

“See? No problem pretty lady,” Bandit said to me. “We get in, we get out, it’ll be as easy as cake.”

“He’s not letting us go, though,” I replied. “If this were on the up and up, we’d get our money and be on our way. He’s up to something fishy, I know it.”

“He’s not letting us go but he made us his guest,” Bandit insisted. “Ever been to a party hosted by a Hutt? These things are a sweet hoedown, that’s for sure. And I’m not going to insult my customer by refusing, either.”

Bandit may have been lulled into a false sense of security, but I still don’t trust a thing that’s going on around here. I may have to figure out how to get out of here – with or without Bandit.

I jumped on a noodle because I'm sexy and I do what I want.

This is like life imitating art or something. Here I am using all of my animalistic sexiness to jump all on some rigatoni when Karnov's meme happened by. Take a look:

Work the 3 tables below, then: type out the sentence you end up with in the subject line of a blog post and copy this text. Also, link back to the blog you read it on. DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING ALONE!

Pick the month you were born:
January-------I kicked
February-----I loved
March--------I karate chopped
April----------I licked
May---------- I jumped on
June---------- I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August-------I had lunch with
September---I danced with
October------I sang to
November----I yelled at
December----I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11---- ---my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18---- ---a spoon
19------- a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink----------because I'm NOT crazy.
Red-----------because the voices told me to
Blue----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Green---------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple--------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1 ,000,000 dollars
Orange --------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown ---------because I can.
Other---------because I'm a Ninja !
None----------because I can't control myself.

Now type out the sentence you made and put in your subject line and copy the text of this post.

Don't forget to link back to the person that tagged you!

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

I was sitting in my Last Gladiator Standing II trailer looking at the dailies for the latest competition when I got a message from Jan the Intergalactic Aviator. It seems that some character named Bandit hired her to transport some power cores or something to another galaxy. That sounds like fun; I bet it’ll be a nice, easy trip for her.

My musings were interrupted by a strange disturbance. It felt like some sort of “force” was calling out to me and I couldn’t quite place it but then I felt it come into focus. It was Professor Xavier, he wasn’t calling out to me in particular, but the anguish radiating from him was as easy to read as a Richie Rich comic book.

I bounded into action and quickly made my way towards the Professor’s room. Along the way, I met Private Hudson.

“What’s the op, Jon?” the marine asked as he matched my pace.

“Something bad’s going on with the Professor,” I answered. “I can’t tell what it is, but he’s in trouble!”

“Need help?” Hudson asked.

“Got your gun?”

“Always.”

“Then let’s go.”

We sprinted to the Professor’s door and I threw my shoulder into it. Unfortunately for me, it was one of those fancy sliding ones and it did so smoothly and efficiently. Ever have one of those moments when you think you’re going to hit something and you really put your weight into it? I mean really, really throw yourself into it with all of your energy and might and then it’s not there? For me that’s what just transpired.

I stumbled in off balance and firing wildly but luckily my target was very big and very obvious. That target was a demon who was holding the Professor in the air with a gesture and laughing maniacally. This felt very familiar to me, I fought the devil once and I was very lucky to escape with my life. I am compelled to help though, you know, I am a hero after all.

Flanked by Hudson, I fired my blaster Betsy at the demon but with a flourish of his taloned hand, the two of us were sent sprawling against the wall.

Hudson recovered more quickly than I and leapt at the demon with vibroblade in hand.

“Your game is so over!” he snarled as the blade flashed at the scarlet monster.

With an evil sneer, the demon caught Hudson’s wrist in midstrike. Acrid smoke filled the air and the Colonial Marine howled and was sent sprawling back against the wall. By that time, though, I was already in the air with my boot aimed at his torso.

Laughing off my kick, my opponent reached out with supernatural speed and grabbed me by the throat. He leered as he pulled me closer, choking the life out of me. His fervid breath punched my face as his grip grew tighter around my windpipe. I managed to look at Hudson who was still crumpled against the wall in a daze, then at the Professor who seemed uncharacteristically helpless.

“You should not have come, but I knew you would,” the demon sneered.

“Whu—what?” I sputtered.

“I know what compels you and I must have it,” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. “You will give it to me.”

I desperately grabbed his arm, trying to gain leverage or a grip or anything. Spots cavorted in front of my eyes and I knew that in a moment, I would be finished.

“I am the Lord of the Underworld,” he hissed into my ear. “I am Mephisto and I have seen things in shadow that should not be seen by light of day. You cannot beat me, just give me what I want and all the pain will go away.”

Desperately, I fumbled for the Sonic Disrupter on my Wristcomm. I punched buttons until the electronic multifrequency whine exploded forth assaulting everyone’s hearing and balance. Normally, I can direct the sonic attack, but the emitter must have been damaged or something. Or maybe I just had it turned up to 11.

The demon dropped me to cover his ears and I dizzily fumbled with the weapon’s buttons until the pain in my head subsided. I then launched another kick straight at my enemy’s chin. He stumbled back and I spun around with a follow up, but he caught it and sent me flying with my own momentum.

“Who taught… the demon… judo…?” I mumbled as I crumpled to the floor once again.

Hudson dove at the monster once more but with a rancor-filled howl, the Mephisto beat him down with both fists. He stalked towards me and before I could fire another sonic attack, the demon crushed my weapon like an aluminum can.

“Listen to me hero,” Mephisto rasped as he hauled me close by my neck once again. “Surrender to me or I will kill all of them. Give me your soul or I will take Xavier and Hudson and all the rest of the people you lured here to play your little game. And then I will kill you. What say you?”

This rescue attempt is not going so well.

_____________________________________

This story is part of Stewart Sternberg’s writing assignment. This assignment has two tasks; the first is to use the phrase “I have seen things in shadow that should not be seen by light of day.” A perfect phrase to be used by a demon, don’t you think?

The second task is to take ten words and replace them with something richer. These are the ten that I chose:

Musings replaces thoughts
Anguish replaces suffer
Bound replaces leap
Sprinted replaces ran
Transpired replaces happened
Flourish replaces wave
Snarl replaces yell
Torso replaces chest
Fervid replaces hot
Cavorted replaces dance

Taken Aboard the Star Destroyer

Guest Poster Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

With a clang, the landing struts of the Pegasus Elite met the landing deck of the Star Destroyer. We had few options, Bandit and I were from another galaxy and the hold of my ship was filled with possibly illegal power cores. The Empire of this galaxy has a history of ruling through terror and I have little doubt that my cargo would be confiscated. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get out of this with my ship.

Maybe I can get them to take Bandit and let me go.

“What are we going to do now?” Bandit asked. “I don’t think my customer is going to show up if he sees this giant ship in the area. That is if these guys even let us out of here with the cores.”

“I’d say you have more than just your customer and the BEER Cores to worry about,” I answered. “Start with your own hide.”

“I’d rather start with yours, pretty lady,” he smiled at me again with that oh-so-charming smile.

“This is not the time,” I warned.

“What I’m saying is that we need to work together to get out of this,” he replied quickly. “I watch your back, you watch mine and all. In fact, I swear that I’ll get you out of this mess or my name ain’t Bo Dangle Bandit.”

“Your middle name is Dangle?”

“It’s an old family name,” he replied quickly. “It means to hang loose. Get it?”

“I don’t think so.”

He attempted to explain, but by the time he opened his mouth, I had already launched myself from the pilot’s seat and was on my way to the cargo hold. I punched the button to lower the ramp and took a look at several dozen blaster rifles pointed at me. The rifles were connected to several dozen very serious looking troopers covered in white armor.

“Howdy boys,” I said trying to sound nonchalant. “Why don’t you come on up and see me sometime?”

The troops pressed forward and boarded my ship. One stepped up to me.

“Show me your identification and cargo manifest,” he commanded. “Are you the only one onboard?”

“It’s just her and me,” Bandit called out from the hatch connecting the cargo hold to the main corridor. The troops responded by leveling their weapons at him. He quickly raised his hands and tried to look as harmless as possible. “Whoa whoa, fellas. Don’t shoot, I’m unarmed and undangerous.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” the apparent leader responded while directing his weapon at me with one hand and looking at my manifest with the other.

“Oh he’s harmless,” I insisted. “Crude, rude, obnoxious, and overbearing, but completely harmless.”

“Ouch,” bandit winced. “You sure do know how to hurt a fella, lady.”

“Alright knock it off you two,” the trooper’s voice echoed metallically through his helmet speaker. “Captain B’Sogg will be here in a moment. He’ll decide what to do you with you.”

“Torture me all you want,” Bandit continued. “But don’t hurt the pretty lady. Please.”

I turned towards the handsome rogue and gave him a “shut up” look. He just lifted his eyebrows and gave an “aw shucks” smile in reply.

“Attention on deck!” yelled one of the troopers. All of the troopers responded by snapping to attention as an Imperial officer crisply made his way up the ramp. His steps clicked on the metal surface and his gray uniform looked crisp and official. The squad leader met the officer at the top of the ramp and offered him the manifest.

“This is Jan O’Mega, sir. She is an intergalactic aviator. Her manifest shows four BERE Cores and a small ship onboard. She also has a passenger, this Bo Bandit.”

The officer looked over the readout and then looked at me. I stood quietly as did Bandit – possibly for the first time in his entire life. The officer stepped over and looked at the power cores, then at the Bandit held to the deck with cargo straps.

“Looks pretty,” he said as he looked over the sleek lines of the Mark 77 TransGa. “I would wager, however, that it’s all show and no go.”

“Hey!” Bandit responded angrily. “It’s got plenty of go, pal!”

“Bandit!” I snarled.

“Ho ho, don’t worry,” the officer laughed. “I am sure your little ship is very nice.”

“It’s not little!” Bandit snapped back. “It’s perfectly suited for two people. Many lovely ladies have enjoyed taking a ride on the Bandit!”

“Bandit. Shut. Up!”

“It looks like your cargo here is scheduled to be picked up by Gordo the Hutt,” the officer continued. “Is this true?”

“Yes,” I quickly replied before Bandit could say anything. “We’re supposed to meet him here to make the exchange.”

“This sector is supposed to be controlled by the Hutts,” Bandit added. “They own this place so there shouldn’t be any trouble, right?”

“Looks like there is a lot that you don’t know,” the officer answered coolly.

“Well, I have to admit that intergalactic politics is not my forte,” Bandit shrugged.

“Then maybe you should SHUT UP!” I yelled.

“Ho ho, I like you,” the officer looked at me. “Your friend here may have a mouth bigger than his brain, but you seem to have it together.”

“Thank you, ah—”

“Captain B’Sogg.” The officer clicked his heals together and bowed slightly. “I am very pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise, sir,” I smiled and nodded in reply.

“Lieutenant, please take our guests to the bridge,” Captain B’Sogg instructed the squad leader.

“Yes sir,” the white armored trooper and led us out of my ship and into the depths of the Star Destroyer.

“The bridge?” Bandit smiled. “That’s good because if we were in trouble they wouldn’t take us there, right?”

“Bandit if for once you could just shut your stupid mouth,” I growled back. “We’re in more trouble than you can imagine.”

Rendezvous

Guest Poster Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

We arrived close to the rendezvous and dropped out of warp. Surrounding us was empty space except for one small, insignificant looking planet below us.

“A real beaut, ain’t she?” asked Bandit.

“That place? It doesn’t look like much to me.”

“I wasn’t talking about the planet,” he leered at me.

I gave him one of those “Give me a break” looks and quickly changed the subject. “So we’re in the right area, right? You should probably launch your little ship so you can run interference.”

“Little?” Bandit looked back at me with a mock air of incredulousness. “The Bandit’s got all you could ever want in a ship – and power where you need it.”

“Great,” I smiled back at him. “So we’re almost at our rendezvous, how much longer until we meet your customer anyway?”

“We’re just a little early,” Bandit answered as he looked at his chronometer. “I’ll launch and run ahead and make sure the area is clear.”

Just as Bandit left the bridge to make his way to his own ship strapped down in my cargo hold, my sensors started registering something big coming in fast.

“Bandit, there may be trouble,” I called into the comm. “We have something coming in fast and… aw nuts.”

“What is it?” Bandit came running back into the cockpit to take a look at the screens.

“Bad news,” I said as I looked at the readings. “Star Destroyer, Imperial class.”



“Well, don’t let them get us,” Bandit pleaded. “Get out of here.”

“Too late,” I answered. “They’ve got a lock on us. If I make a move, we’ll be shot to pieces.”

“I thought you were the best pilot in the universe and you can’t outfly one little capital ship?”

“Hey, this isn’t some local bulk cruiser,” I snapped back. “We’re talking about the Imperial Navy here.”

“Unidentified ship, this is the Imperial Star Destroyer Naal’taa,” a voice crackled over the comm system. “Please identify yourself.”

“This is Captain Jan O’Mega of the Pegasus Elite,” I answered. “I’m just here making a delivery.”

“Unidentified ship,” the voice on the Star Destroyer answered. “Power down your systems and prepare to be boarded.”

“Crap,” I muttered.

“This is exactly what I was trying to avoid by hiring you,” Bandit complained. “You’re a pretty lady and all, but I ain’t so keen on your concept of keeping away from trouble.”

“Quiet, or you’ll find yourself taking a long ride out of a short airlock,” I snapped back. I then flipped the comm back open. “Uh, Star Destroyer Naal’taa, I am transmitting my cargo manifest, you don’t think boarding is really all that necessary, do you? I’d hate to waste your time and all.”

“That is for us to decide,” the technician on the other end replied. “Do not attempt to run or you will be destroyed.”

The Pegasus Elite shuddered as the larger craft’s tractor beam locked on. We were then drawn up into the belly of the Destroyer and would soon be up to our elbows in Imperial troops.

Today is not turning out so well.

What was that thing with the thing?

Guest Poster Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Bandit and I were closing in on our destination, we already made it to the galaxy and we should reach the rendezvous in due time. After our earlier encounter, Bandit has continued with the silly remarks, but he’s kept his distance from me. The further the better I say.

Still, the guy does have a certain flair and charm.

That just made me shudder.

This will all be over soon and I’m being paid very well for this little trip. That half up front will cover the fuel, tolls, and expenses, but I don’t think that I can relax until I get the other half. Operating an intergalactic ship like this sure gets expensive.

Speaking of expenses, what was that lingering in the back of my mind? Something back there is just nagging me like I forgot something. For the life of me, I can’t think of what it is, though. It’s something about money. Did I pay my insurance this month? I’m sure I did, but maybe I should check. No it’s not the insurance, it’s something else. Did I miss someone’s birthday? Was it Ranae’s? No that can’t be it. I did want to send her a thank you though for her help from the other day. She’s my BFF. God, I can’t believe I just said that, what am I 13 or something? Anyway, I don’t get to see her much because of the distance, but she’s always been a good friend especially since that time we worked together on Leechii 2. Ugh, that was a horrible, horrible job. Her orders were to defend the Leechiis from the invading Troutee forces and I was hired to help evacuate their prime minister. What a disgusting day that was. A job’s a job, right? Just pick up the PM and head on out, no problem you say, right? Not when Leechii 2 is inhabited by leeches. Giant leeches. Giant nasty, slimy, sticky, gross and yes, blood sucking leeches. With giant, drooly gooey sucker mouths. I hate leeches, perhaps the only thing I hate in this universe more than leeches is okra, but not by much. I guess I have to consider myself lucky that I only had a couple of them in my ship. Ranae had to help defend a whole planet of 3 meter tall versions of the thing that probably disgusts me the most in life. I just shuddered a little bit again. Hey, Bandit and leeches both make me shudder. Coincidence? I think not. Anyway, I have to send Ranae a thank you for her help, she’s a sweetie. Not catty at all or anything like a few other women I know (not to mention any names). I hope she and that handsome Captain that she’s dating are doing well. Mmm, he is so fine. I hear some of the ladies call him Captain McDreamy. Are those two engaged now? I’m not sure, sometimes it seems that their relationship spends more time being on and off than the faucet of a kitchen sink. Hee hee, that was pretty funny. Maybe that was it, maybe I need to send her a congrats finally getting that big lug to commit. No that can’t be it, either. I need to take notes or keep a journal or something.

Warping to our Destination

Guest Poster: Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Bo Bandit and I were in my ship the Pegasus Elite and warping to a galaxy far, far away. Stowed in the cargo hold were the BERE Cores as well as Bandit’s own ship the Bandit. Don’t even ask me why a guy named Bandit would name his ship Bandit. Must be ego, I guess.

Our plan is that once we close to the destination, Bandit will take the Bandit and run interference, keeping the attention on himself and away from my ship and its cargo. From what I can tell, he should be pretty good at it as he appears to be the kind of guy who craves attention. Everything about him screams “look at me,” from his rugged good looks to that wisecracking persona that he carries like it’s the only thing in the galaxy that matters. Even the hat he wears draws attention straight to him.

“Do you always wear that hat?”

“I will take it off for a pretty lady,” he answered with a grin. “Do you want me to take it off?”

“That won’t be necessary,” I assured him.

“I can take it off for you, honey,” he continued.

I roll my eyes and get out of the pilot’s seat. I make my way to one of the stations to run a calibration. When I turn around, he’s right there next to me.

“You know, we’ve a long way to go,” he said.

“And a short while to get there, right?”

“Hah ha,” Bandit’s eyes sparkled as he laughed. “You might say that.”

“Right.”

“You know, Jan,” he continued. “It’s awfully lonely out in space.”

Oh please, not that line…

“What I’m trying to say is that you’re a good looking woman, I’m a good looking man, why don’t we make some good looking babies together?”

“You want to be a father?” I asked.

“Well, anyone can change,” he answered as he stepped closer to me. “It takes a special lady to change a man and you’re a special lady. I mean it.”

“Really?” I felt my cheeks flush a little. “You mean it?”

“Sure,” he said a little sheepishly. “That’s one of the reasons I hired you. I think you’re a real sweet gal and I think you and I go well together.”

“So we’d make a great team?” I asked. I could feel my blood racing through my body. My heart was pounding as leaned towards him.

“Sure,” he answered while throwing the best roguish grin possible at me. “You and me, baby. We couldn’t lose.”

I love roguish grins.

“I don’t know.” My warm breath danced across his neck. “How do I know I can trust you?”

“You can’t, pretty lady,” he replied in almost a whisper. “But maybe you should just take a chance anyway.”

“You know what I think?” I whispered as I put my arm on his shoulder. His body felt warm so close to mine.

“What’s that?” he murmured.

“Don’t you ever, ever try this again,” I growled as I grabbed his ear and gave it a twist.

“Ow ow ow ow.”

“If you try any of this crap on me again, I’ll make sure you don’t ever have to worry about making babies. Got it?” I twisted some more and he quickly bent over from the pain.”

“Ow ow ow,” he winced. “OK OK, I got it. Lemme go!”

“I mean it.” Another twist of his ear put Bandit on his knee. His face twisted in pain again as his hand hit the deck for balance. “Do. You. Understand. Me?”

“Ow ow ow.” His teeth clenched and his eyelids pressed together. “I got it, I got it.”

“Good.” I let go of his ear and stalked off back towards the cockpit.

“You gotta admit,” Bandit said to nobody in particular. “That gal’s got spunk.”