Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Developments develop...

"Hudson! Hudson! Are you there?" came a hushed voice over the radio.

I blinked awake. I was dozing on a chair and it was a pretty comfortable chair for sitting. It wasn't that great for sleeping in, though.

I made a command decision, I would let Klinger sleep in the bed. He offered to take shifts but I declined. I figured that if I just dozed, I could be ready for anything on a moment's notice. Right?

"Hudson! This is Camisa-Roja! Are you there? Over." came his whispered voice again.

I snapped up my radio. "Red Shirt, this is Space Ace, you are not following radio procedure. Your callsign is Red Shirt. Over."

"Space Ace, this is Red Shirt. There seems to be a problem with Maggot. I think he's going to flip out. Over."

"What do you mean 'flip out?' Over."

"He's just sitting there staring at Levy and me, mumbling things under his breath. Over."

"What is he mumbling? Over."

"It sounds like bible verses. Over. he's sweating a lot, too. Over."

This doesn't sound too good. I am going to have to do something about this. Get Maggot out of harms way or something.

"OK, standby," I answered. "I'll be right down there. Over."

"Roger. Over and Out."

Now I was getting mad. Camisa-Roja was not following radio procedures at all.

"Red Shirt, this is Space Ace," I said into the radio. "You cannot say 'over' and 'out' together. It's improper radio procedure, 'over' means that you are done with what you are saying and it is the other person's turn to talk. 'Out' means that you are done talking and that the conversation is finished. You cannot put the two together."

"Uhh, roger wilco, Space Ace," Red Shirt said. "Maggot looks really bad. Over."

Now I was getting super hot steamed off! He screwed up the procedures again!

"Red Shirt, this is Space Ace. You cannot say 'roger wilco,' either. 'Roger' means that you understand what is being said. 'Wilco' means that you understand what is being said and that you will comply. You can't put the two phrases together. Over."

"Wilco," he said over the radio. "Maggot is flipping out! I repeat, Maggot is flipping out!"

That was the last straw, I grabbed the radio operations and procedures manual. I was going to take that to him and make him memorize the whole dang book if I had to.

"Red Shirt, this is Space Ace. When you say 'I repeat' it means that you are asking for a second artillery barrage. If you want to say something a second time, you need to say 'I say again.' If you do not follow proper radio procedure, then you need to hand it over to someone who will. Do you copy?"

He didn't reply.

"I say again, do you copy?"

Suddenly, I heard gunfire coming over the radio. Quickly, I sprung up out of the room and ran to the elevator -- I didn't even bother to put on my disguise. I pushed the down button. I waited for the elevator to get there and the doors to open. I pushed the button to the floor below me and crossed my arms impatiently as the doors closed.

The lift dropped a level and opened it's doors; I sprinted out of it and ran to their room. I threw my shoulder into the door and burst through it. That's where I saw....

(To be continued...)


Wedge Antillies said...

You know, after a shower and a shave you almost look human!?!

Private Hudson said...

The long hair is a disguise, Wedge. And what do you know about showers, Captain I-Sit-In-A-Cockpit-For-Three-Weeks-Then-The-Rest-Of-The-Crew-Avoids-Me-I-Wonder-Why?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I am with you Hudson. I cannot abide troopers who don't follow peocedure. I am always telling them things like "hey, numbbrain. you need a form A-4594X inorder to see the medic. And you will need a form BCU-109, now that you bleed all over the ship"

The nerve of some people.

Private Hudson said...

Thanks for the backup, AOC.

See, people, it's important to follow the regulations, that's what makes it the military. Otherwise, it's just some slackjawed do what you want camp.

What if I had a troop who had some goofy little soul patch and wore his cap backwards? I can't allow that, it's wrong.

flu said...

Who trained Cammy-Rolo anyhoo? Sergeant Twiddledee?

...and hey, Jon, delete some archived personal messages from your personal messaging inbox dealie so that I can send you a... uh... ahhhh, whaddyacallit? You know - one of those thingys... a ummm... personal... message... thing.

Over 'n out.

Anonymous said...

red shirt is dead Hudson gets blame for rambling on about regs instead of being there and gets demoted to private :PPPP

is that what happens?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Fluke -- Wilco.

flu said...

Roger that.

...and heeeeyyyy, that room looks eerily like one of the rooms on my ship... where is this mission going down again?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Roger doger chilly willie milli vanilli

And FLuke, could it be possible that bad taste exists in more than one place in the universe?

Gyrobo said...

This is the best science fiction story I ever read. Or perhaps it really took place, in the future.

This is just like the time I went back to 1992 and prevented Ross Perrot from becomming president.

flu said...

possible... but not very likely...

Over Oveur.

JawaJuice said...

eh...what's with the rolled up paper? Are you gonna hit someone on the nose with that?
That'll fix em!!