Friday, February 17, 2006

The Xenomorph Loomed Over Me

Oh dear Lord Jesus, this ain't happening, man... This can't be happening, man! This isn't happening!

The creature howled and lunged at me. I opened fire with my pulse rifle.

"Come on! Come on!" I yelled. "Come and get it, baby! Come on! Let's go, yeah, come on! Come on! Come and get it you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Screw you!"

The ammo counter on my weapon rolled down. 95, 94, 93, 92, 91. The creature howled, but it wasn't going down.

72, 71, 70, 69, 68. I kept firing, the creature raised itself to its full height and screeched more. It didn't jerk back from being hit, though the walls and curtains behind it got chewed up.

"Come on! Take that!" I yelled some more. It howled more. Maybe I got it demoralized.

51, 50, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45, 44. Everything behind the creature was in ruins, but the thing would not go down.

29, 28, 27, 26, 25. "You're dog meat, pal!"

8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I emptied the full magazine of 10 X 24 mm caseless at it and again it howled. But it did not drop.

The giant bug bore down on me. Slime dripped off it's dark dermis and it's secondary mouth slid towards me. It's hot breath was... wait a minute, there was no hot breath!

I swung the barrel of my weapon at the creature's face and it passed right through! It's a hologram.

I looked around, smoke from my rifle wafted throughout the room. I saw the emitter in the corner, the light that was drawing the creature cut through the smoke.

I slapped a fresh magazine into my M41A Pulse Rifle and cut the emitter to pieces with several three-round bursts.

Catching my breath, I noticed that my pants were a bit damp. I must have been sweating a lot during my confrontation with the faux Xenomorph.

"Hudson? Are you there?" I heard Huxley's hushed voice over the radio.

"Where are you?" I called back.

"Gervais moved me to another room. I don't know where I am, but he hasn't found my radio!"

That's right, she had an earbud! Now I just have to find her.

"Please hurry!" she pleaded. "He keeps alternating between talking about how great of an office manager he is and how Dutch women shouldn't be punished for having large breasts. He's disgusting!"


Wedge Antillies said...

Wow, I'm out of town for a couple of days and the whole world ends. What's up with that?

flu said...

Wait!... It was a hologram?!?!?!

...and Huxley wasn't there?!?!?

It's a set up!!!

Hudson, grab some undies and GET THE beep OUTTA THERE!!!!

flu said...

Hey! How'd that happen?... and why?

I'll I said was beep.


flu said...


flu said...


Hudson, grab some undies and GET THE ... H




flu said...


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Did it beep you saying heck?

Anonymous said...

ooohhh I think I am going to have to ask for my nightlight back
(my sinsas will be very disappointed)

by the way jon I applied for to be an official Junior Intergalactic Gladiator and on the phone it said I would get a special offer of a copy cat hat like yours but I didnt get it :P:P:P:P:P

anyhow do you do Bday parties?

Karl the Sorcerer said...

We'vini terlinan quolex eg!

*waves hands*

You now have uber-strength. Those xenomorphs are of no consequence to you now! No need to thank me. Also, you have 31 seconds before the spell wears off. Use them wisely.

Professor Xavier said...

It's kind of funny that way.

And that hologram emitter was rather clever. Looks like you're up against a creative bad guy. Who knew there was such a thing?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

"dutch women shouldn't be punished for having large breast"???

Well, then what can we punish Dutch wome for??

flu said...

Jon: yeah! How'd you get around it?

...and what SHOULD Dutch women get punished for?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wait Fluke, are you telling me that you can't say heck? What the heck would cause you to not be able to say heck? That's a heck of a problem. What if you're talking about Jeff Heck, assistant professor at Augusta State University or Seattle offensive tackle Andy Heck? Heck, you'd be up beep creek.

flu said...

well, I could say it before...

flu said...


flu said...

Well, heck! It worked!

What the heck did you do?

Anonymous said...

Where is Segorney Weaver when ya need her?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

What a horrifying picture. The top one is creepy as well.

George Bush said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Deadpool said...

Hahaha, I love the office. And you are tagged amico. That I-taliano for friend.