Thursday, April 20, 2006

Intergalactic Gladiating Bites


"Ladies and Gentlemen!" the announcer bellowed above the roaring crowd. "Tonight's main event! In this corner, the Automation of Devistation -- Robo-T!"

The crowd roared even louder, Robo-T flexed his pneumatic muscles.

"And in this corner!" the announcer continuer. "The man who rides the hurricane in the fast lane -- Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator!"

The crowd's cheers amp up even more. Despite the excitement, I feel a buzzing in my head. Man, this place blows.

"I will destroy you, fool!" glowers Robo-T.

"Man, get away from me, freak!" I step away from him and head towards the exit. The crowd begins booing and Robo-T is declared the winner by disqualification.

J'onn Sinew Nu runs up to me. "What do you think you're doing?" he demands. "Your little stunt is going to cost the IGE a lot of revenue!"

"Stuff it, old man," I shoulder past him. "Why don't you head to your comfy office and get back to thinking up ways to try to make the gladiators look stupid. I'm not playing by your rules anymore. In fact, I'm out of here."

"What? You can't do that, you're under contract!"

"You can take that contract and stick it, Sinooze-You-Lose," I said back to him. "I'm heading to my ship to play Halo."

"If you don't get back here this instant," Sinew Nu blustered. "You can consider yourself permanently suspended!"

"You're not the boss of me," I snapped back at him. "Jeez, you're just like my old man! I don't need you, I don't need anybody!"

"Why! Why! Why!" Sinew Nu was at a loss for words.

"Ha ha, if you're face was any redder, I could take it home and use it as a stop sign, although stop signs usually aren't square."

"Look," he tried to reason, but I wasn't gonna listen. Stupid adults always talking. "I'll let you go take a break. You know, ah-a vacation or something. We'll write it into the storyline or something, but you're too valuable of an asset to let us lose you."

"Blah blah blah," I mimicked. "You're just like everybody else. You don't care about me, you just care about makin' money. Forget it, I'm goin' cruising down at the DQ. Later, jerkstore."

"Jon..." Sinew Nu's mouth hung open. He didn't know what to say, but then he composed himself. "I told you, if you don't come back, you're suspended. I'm serious!"

I headed for the door, then I turned back and flipped him the bird from both hands. Ha ha, that'll show him. I also gave him my best punk rock sneer ever. It was a sneer that would make Johnny Lydon proud, if he weren't a lame old man, too.

12 comments:

Wolverine said...

It's a good thing ya didn't get any older, sounds like ya went back ta bein' a teenager. An before ya Ask buy yer own beer bub1

Wedge Antillies said...

Jon, I think you should go see someone about this condition you have. Maybe a doctor?

Master Yoda said...

So you, getting your nipple pierced downtown, that was! That seeing things I was, I thought.

Professor Xavier said...

Going "cruising" for what, exactly?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Oh great, now Jon is just another 'rebel without a clue' teenager. Look out mall arcades, here come trouble.

Vampirella said...

lol AOC.... okay I cant post anything....


Yoda isnt being a teen like having temp S.T.U.P.I.Disorder?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah, except I'm not allowed in the there anymore because my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.

Jabafatboy said...

Flipped him the double barrel bird and he was still standin !

Man, you gotta work on yer delivery

JawaJuice said...

Ohmygosh!!!!
You've turned into Anakin!!!!
NoOOOOoooOOOoooOOO!!!!!!

Gyrobo said...

Yes... the random slogans have invaded your every thought, pervading you in a metaphorical... evil... thing.

flu said...

You shoulda put your thumb on your nosey like this with an open hand, see?... and then waved your fingers like this... and then stuck out your tongue, like thisp, an phen, thaid thomethin blike, "nanner, nanner boo-boo, thick yer haed in mud."

Or thumpthin lite pblat...

Oh, and it's actually easier to talk if you put your tongue back into your mouth first.

Jango Fett said...

Jon turned into the "Chosen One"? What could be better..