Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Campaign Strategy Meeting

Deep in the bowels of the Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator for President of the United States Campaign Headquarters, Professor Xavier and I were in the midst of our campaign strategy meeting.

“So Jon,” the Professor said. “Have you selected your running mate yet?”

“Not yet,” I replied. “This is tougher than I thought. I’ve looked at philosophers, scholars, soldiers, and leaders. I need someone who is all this and more.”

“Of course, I have every confidence in your abilities to find an outstanding vice president. However, on another note, I have a plan for taking on your, ehem, competition.”

“Really?” My eyebrow arched at his comment.

“Of course, these other candidates are resorting to dirty, underhanded, sneaky tricks to get at their opponents, so we have something for them.”

“A present?” I asked.

“That’s what it looks like.” The headmaster of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning let a bit of a wicked smile cross his face. “We’ll address these to our distinguished competition from their loyal fans. Once they open the box—”
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I grinned as the banana cream pie sprung out of the box like a delicious and deadly jack-in-the-box.

“Fantastic,” I breathed out.

“I’ll have our interns send them out right away,” the Professor added. “These will go out to Dr. Zaius, Dr. Smith, Monkerstein, Germaine Gregarious, Sleestak, and Phydeaux.”

“Wait, is Phydeaux even in the running?” I asked. “He appears to be headquartering his campaign from a broken down van.”

“I wouldn’t disparage his methods,” Xavier admonished. “That’s how Bill Clinton won his first gubernatorial race in Arkansas.”

“Of course,” I responded thoughtfully. “Wait again, this seems awfully devious to me.”

“Of course,” the powerful telepath agreed.

“I mean, this is a really, really sneaky and dirty tactic.”

“I agree.”

“Once I step down this path, forever shall it guide my destiny.”

“That goes without saying,” Xavier answered thoughtfully. “Why? Are you worried about something?”

“Naw, I’m just sayin’ is all,” I shrugged. “Let’s get those… presents out right away.”

A vote for Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is a vote for freedom.

A vote for Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is a vote for progress.
I'm Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and I approve of this message.

Your attention please.
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Your favorite Intergalactic Gladiator has been interviewed over at Blog Interviewer.
If you haven't already, stop on over and vote for me.

Update: There was a bit of a mistake with the link to Blog Interviewer (blame it on the interns). It's fixed now so click away!


A Army Of (Cl)One said...

As long as it is not a deer pee pie, cuz that would be mean.

I hope you don't end up facing a helmeted version of you weildign a pie.

Vegeta said...


Jean-Luc Picard said...

There isn't a lot of subtlety to theis method; it's very your face.

Jawa Juice said...

Wait a sec-...
You're giving people free sweet eats????

...Can I be on that list?

Justice said...

wow... Banana cream


Anonymous said...

crude but effective

TX said...

so that is where my present came from

Fluke Starbucker said...

Wow! What a co-inky-dink! I also happen to have a banana cream pie deep in my own bowels!

Small universe, indeed.

Dr. Zaius said...

The pie was delicious! Please send another - maybe two! Do you have any with chocolate?

Skywalker said...

Deer pee pie?????


A Army Of (Cl)One said...

how the heck do we vote for you for president anyhow.

Many of the other canidate seem ot have some kind of vote for me button. Where is your button? Is there some kind of button gap we need to be informed of?

Black Widow said...

Good luck on the campaigning

Captain Berk said...

This all seems a bit too high brow for me. Just beam the opposition to another planet.