Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The search continues.

My search for a vice president led me to Odessa Texas and the residence of none other than Mr. Bennet.

“Glad to see you again, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” Mr. Bennet reached his hand out to shake mine. “I haven’t seen you since that game show on planet Hacknor Last Gladiator Standing II. So how are you doing?”

“I’m well,” I answered while pumping his hand. “Say, I’m running for president of the United States and I was looking for a VP. I think that you might have the kind of experience this country needs to lead this country into the future.”

“You know, I think you’re right,” the man sometimes referred to as Horn-Rimmed Glasses agreed. “I’ve already got a gun and I am 100 percent capable of shooting someone in the face with it.”

I paused for a moment. “Even though I appreciate the fact that I can use the same joke about the vice president shooting someone in the face two posts in a row, I don’t think that’s a quality that we should be, uh, the main focus of our campaign. You know what I mean?”

“Oh sure, I understand,” Bennet nodded. “I have to tell you though, I’m really good at shooting people in the face. I even shot my boss once. Wait, forget I just said that.”

“Uh, OK, moving on.” He wouldn’t shoot me in the face would he? That might ruin my hat. “I know you have leadership skills and you work for the government. At least I think you work for the government. You guys are so hush hush at Primatech.”

“Oh yeah,” he agreed. “If we were any more evil there, then we’d be Haliburton. I’m kidding of course, but I have to be honest. My work situation is in a, er, flux right now seeing as how I shot my boss in the head. Maybe I just got promoted; maybe I’m a fugitive on the run. We’ll see how things play out in the next month or so.”

“Oh sure,” I said. “I bet you’re pretty excited about what’s going to happen in September, huh?”

“Certainly,” he agreed. “Who knows what kind of excitement September will bring. A lot of the people I know can’t wait.”

“Plus, it’s football season,” I added.

“Uh, sure.” Mr. Bennet, who just recently revealed that his first name is Noah, looked a bit confused. “I guess.”

“Aren’t you a big football fan?” I asked.

“Well, I live in Texas,” he replied. “So I do follow the Cowboys. I don’t follow them a whole lot because of work, you know. A lot of my slinking around comes on weekends and Monday nights”

“Really? You’re not a fan of any other NFL team?”

“No, I can’t say that I am,” he shrugged.

“Hmmm.” I thought for a moment. “You don’t hang out with anyone who is a powerful telepath do you? Maybe someone who might be screwing with your mind?”

“Well, there’s the Haitian,” Bennet answered. “Ha ha, you know, one time he made one of the guys at the office forget that he was wearing headphones. That poor fellow couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t hear anyone. That was funny.”

“Think the Haitian might make you, oh I don’t know, wear a hat like that and then forget that it’s on,” I pointed up to his headgear.

“A hat like what?”


Jawa Juice said...

Oooo! This is getting gouda!

Professor Xavier said...

Mr. Bennet?? How on earth did his name get on the list?

*checks clipboard - rips off page*

I'm going to have to check this list more closely.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should have asked Becca to be your VP. That way everyone would get the same answer from her.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...


It had to be said.

Skywalker said...

I bet the mice love him.

Vegeta said...

I thought that was some kind of Earth custom.

November Rain said...

I am surprised her doesn't go for the packers

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Mr Bennett is so shady, I nered a flashlight to see him.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

That hat is showing support for the Cowboys!

The Cowboys of Cheese!!!!

Bet you feel silly now, don't you Jon. For not knowing about the Cowboys of Cheese!! Ha!

Dr. Zaius said...

A shifty fellow, to be sure. I do think he would bring in the Wisconsin vote, though.

Optimus Prime said...

I too have a similar issue; who will bear the Matrix of Leadership when I cease functioning? Will it be Autobot City commander Ultra Magnus? Would it be my trusted friend Ironhide? Or perhaps it will be a darkhorse like Hot Rod.

flukizmo said...

I would have to say that Mr. Bennet is simply subpar for your ticket. He displays most of these ten attributes of really lazy people I've listed:

1. Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.

Anonymous said...


well do we want a VP who can be control mentally

Jawa Juice said...

Ah there anything you can can not do or do not..?

seriously...Email me!
I'd love to hear from you.

Justice said...

still think hudson is the best choice

Anonymous said...

do you have perhaps another candidate?

Shiara said...

why cant the Misses be your running mate :) she does a fine job in being your life mate doesnt she ;)

Flik Sivrak said...

Why's he got a cheese on his head???

Mr. Butler said...

I have a feeling public service would have been a bit too public for my tastes. But if you need a behind-the-scenes VP, or puppet-master, give me a call. I'm really good at using people.