Highway to the Danger Room

Kitty Pryde greeted Hudson and I at the front door of the X-Mansion dressed rather provocatively. It took me by surprise, but Hudson hardly missed a beat.

“Wowee wow wow!” the private leered at the young mutant.

“Hi guys,” she said ignoring Hudson’s lolling tongue. “You here to see the Professor?”

“Actually, we came to see Emma,” I answered.

“We came for Emma, but I’ll stay for you,” Hudson added.

“Emma’s in the Danger Room with a group of new recruits,” Kitty answered, again ignoring Hudson’s obnoxious comments. “Follow me.”

“Say uh, Kitty,” I said as I trotted quickly to match her step. “What’s with the outfit?”

“What this old thing?” she asked. “Oh, you know. It’s my turn this week and all.”

“Oh baby, it could be your turn this week with me every week,” Hudson wagged his eyebrows. “Mrow, naughty Kitty!!”

Kitty rolled her eyes and punched the entry code allowing us entrance to the nerve center of the Danger Room.

“One moment gentlemen,” Emma said to us while looking out the window at her new recruits. “Ready. Go.”

“Who’re the new recruits?” I asked as I peered out at the three standing in front of the entrance of a maze.

“Oh you could recruit me, baby,” Hudson smiled. “But only if you’re recruiting lovers, not fighters.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to deal with this,” Emma snapped her fingers and Hudson’s face grew blank (er, blanker). He stood stiff as the proverbial board staring off into space without even blinking.

“Hey I like this trick,” I said as I waved my hands in front of his expressionless face. “You have to show me how to do this.”

“Unfortunately, you don’t have the power to do it,” she purred. “You’re here about the photos? It doesn’t take a telepath to figure that out.”

“Word on the street is that’s not us in the pics,” I said.

“So I’ve heard,” she answered.

“Really?”

“There’s hardly a piece of information that is bought or sold that I don’t know about,” she answered. “If it makes you feel any better, that’s not me. I’m not the sort who would psychically seduce someone. That’s just not my style. And believe me, if you and I slept together, you would definitely remember it.”

“Right,” I nodded. “So are you willing to make a statement to the press about this? You know, help me out of this scandal?”

“Not right now,” she shook her head. “I’ve been laying low here. Everything I’ve done in my life has been quiet and sneaky. No matter what side I’ve taken, I’ve always cherished my privacy above all else. I can’t just give that up right now. Maybe someday soon, but not now.”

“Fine,” I said. “But could you at least tell me who’s in the photos?”

“I have my suspicions,” she answered. “But nothing conclusive. I will tell you this though; you are on the right track with the eyes. Your answers are in their eyes.”

I nodded as I digested this information. Meanwhile, Emma turned her attention back to her students in the Danger Room.

“Good job, kids. You can relax,” she said into the microphone. “Want to meet them?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. “But what about--?”

“Him? He’ll be fine.” She led me out of the control center and into the Danger Room itself. “Class, I want you to meet a real hero Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.”

“Wow!” said one. “The Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator?”

“The one and only,” I replied with a modest shrug.

“Jon, this is Hoo the Owl Girl from the snowy north, Watt, Master of Electricity, and Ida Know the Ghost Girl.”

“Pleased to meet everyone,” I said. “So, what kind of training are you doing today?”

“They are going into the maze individually,” Emma explained. “They meet in the center and work as a team to find their way out. Hoo goes first, Watt’s second and Ida Know is third.”

“Wait a minute,” I interrupted. “You’re saying who is first?”

“That’s what I said,” Emma confirmed. “Who’s first, Watt’s second, and Ida Know’s third.”

“So you’re their leader?” I asked.

“Yes,” Emma replied.

“And their teacher.”

“Yes.”

“And you know everyone’s names.”

“Well I should.”

“Well then who’s first?”

“Yes.”

“I mean the person’s name.”

“Hoo.”

“The one who went first.”

“Hoo.”

“The one who went first.”

“Hoo went first!”

“I’m asking YOU who went first.”

“That’s her name.”

“That’s who’s name?”

“Yes.”

“Well go ahead and tell me.”

“It’s Hoo.”

“That’s what I’m asking.”

“That’s what I’m saying: Hoo went first.”

“So when you assemble your team, who do you call?”

“That’s right.”

“What’s right?”

“No, Watt goes second, Hoo went first.”

“I’m not asking who went second.”

“Hoo went first.”

“I don’t know.”

“She’s third, we weren’t talking about her.”

“How did we get to third?”

“Third base?” Emma asked. “Usually it takes a couple dates and a bottle of wine.”

“What?”

“Went second.”

“No, who went first?”

“And Watt went second.”

“I don’t know.”

“She went third.”

“There I go, back to third again!”

“Well what are you asking?”

“Who went third?”

“Why do you insist on putting Hoo third?”

“What am I putting on third?”

“No. Watt is on second.”

“I don’t know.”

“She went third.”

“OK, OK,” I held up my hands. “Let’s just say who went first.”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly went first?” I asked.

“No, Hoo went first.”

“Exactly!”

“That’s right.”

“OK, so let’s say that who goes first, what follows and I don’t know goes third.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

“I don’t know what I’ve got. So what goes in there second and meets who?”

“That’s right.”

“Then they wait for I don’t know.”

“That’s right.”

“I don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

“Ahem,” Watt raised his hand. “Maybe it would clear things up if I explained that my name is Watt because I control electricity and Watt sounds just like what, the non gender specific pronoun.”

“Oh, and my codename is Hoo because I have the power of the snowy owl,” Hoo explained. “Hoo is the noise an owl makes but it sounds like who, you know the other word who.”

“And I call myself Ida Know,” Ida added. “Because I’m the ghost girl.”

“Oh, it all makes sense to me now,” I slapped my forehead. “OK, so my only question is if your name is Ida Know, why are you wearing a Catwoman mask?”

“Ida Know,” she shrugged.