Friday, October 05, 2007

Workout with Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator

A lot of people have been coming up to me and asking how I can possibly stay in shape to be an Intergalactic Gladiator and presidential candidate. Like this kid for instance.


“Gosh, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, you’re so strong and brave,” said little Ralphie. “How can I grow up to be just like you?”

Well, I’ll show you little Ralphie and I’ll show all my Junior Intergalactic Gladiators, too.


First I warm up a little with some light stretching and some calisthenics. I like to stretch it out a little on the pushups. Yow this is tough!


After that, I’ll do a few pull-ups. Today’s a light day so I think I’ll only do 40 or 50.


Once I’m done with that, I’ll go a few rounds with the ole heavy bag.


And after that, I go a few rounds with the upright bass.


Here’s where I take a little bit of a break because I need to carbo load for my next exercise.


That’s right; it’s a 12 mile forced march with a seventy pound ruck. Can you feel the burn?


I top it off with a little wall climbing. There you go kids, that’s how Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator starts off his day. Now I’m ready for whatever’s out there, be it a giant Tresedelian caveworm, Orwellian Pantherbot, or a congressional filibuster.

“Wow, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, that sure was swell!”

Thanks kid. When you think about it, wouldn’t you want a president who’s in top physical condition? That’s why I’m your best candidate for president of the United States, because my mind is sharp as is my body. Isn’t that right, Timmy?

“Uh, my name’s Ralphie.”

11 comments:

Kid Flash said...

Wow, that's quite an excersise regime though it hasn't done much for that beer belly of yours.

Not that I'm criticising you...

Fluke Starbucker said...

Have you ever thought about working those smile muscles any?

Kon-El said...

Poor Timmie thinks his name is Ralphie

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Your body might in a good condition. The brain might be sapping a little.

Master Yoda said...

An intergalactic gladiator Ralphie will never be able to be - his eye he would shoot out.

Shiara said...

WOW that is a lot of spaghetti

Hotstuff said...

wow I am glad I am young


because if I was old that would kill me

Gyrobo said...

At that age, they're all Timmy.

Dr. Zaius said...

So, how long have you been taking intergalactic steroids?

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