Monday, May 01, 2006

Flight aboard the Pegasus Elite

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator was flying her ship towards Sector 7G, one of the most dangerous systems in the known galaxy. Hudson and I were in a compartment located rearwards of the cockpit. I sat there in the galley area feeling another assault on my mind.

"Just relax and enjoy the ride, gentlemen," Jan called over the intercom. "We're about 2 hours away from Sector 7G."

"Do you mean Sector 7G, one of the most hazardous and deadly systems in the galaxy?" Hudson asked.

"Pffft, idiot," I mumbled under my breath.

"That's right, Hudson," Jan called back. "Why don't you watch Big Trouble in Little China while you wait?"

"You mean Big Trouble in Little China, the movie where they often say how dangerous it is to go into Little China?" the idiot exclaimed excitedly.

"That's the one," she replied.

I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes.

"Did you say something, Jon?" Hudson's head snapped in my direction.

"Yeah," I answered. "I said 'You suck.'"

"Oh really?" Hudson answered. "I know your type, Jon. You think you're all cool and that you know everything. Well you've got a lot to learn, pal, and I'm not your friend and I'm not gonna be your buddy--"

"Thank God for that," I scoffed. Something must have really set him off, 'cuz he stalked right up close to me.

"Just give me an excuse," he growled at me.

"God, get off my case. Jeeez," I leaned away from him. "Quit hasslin' me, man."

Hudson stepped away and started up the movie.


Meanwhile, Dr. Chronobob was looking at the readouts when the heavy doors lifted and an armored figure stalked in.

"The Intergalactic Gladiator is on his way," the evil lord rasped between mechanical breathing.

"Yes m'Lord," Dr. Chronobob quickly rose from his seat and bowed. "And when he gets here, he will be quite surprised by this fully armed and operational battlestation!"

"Indeed," the mechanical menace answered. "Dr. Chronobob, I've been thinking."

"Yes, Lord?"

"I believe that this technological terror," he gestured to include the entire station. "This sinister superweapon deserves a name befitting of it's power."

"Yes, my Lord?"

"We shall name this station the (dramatic pause) Death Star."

"Uh, sir," Dr. Chronobob dared to speak. "Death Star is already taken."


"Yes, Lord," Chronobob replied. "Twice, in fact. That name is copywritten, we'd hate to face a lawsuit."

A deep rumbling emanated from within the Dark Lord. "Damnable lawyers," he growled. "Truly they are the most evil force in the galaxy. Very well, we shall call it Dark City."

"I wouldn't advise that either, sir," Dr. Chronobob answered. "That was the name of a movie."

"Ah yes, wasn't that the one with that fetching Jennifer Connelly standing at the end of a pier?"

"Indeed, sire," Chronobob affirmed. "One of them, at least."

"Hmm indeed," the dark cyborg thought aloud. "How about dark Star?"

"Another movie, Lord."

"Is that the one with the alien that is a beach ball? Rather lame."

"Yes sir," Chronobob answered. "But to be fair, it was a school project and had a very low budget."

Another rumble came from within the Dark Lord. "Very well, since this superweapon was designed by Dr. Al'n Parsonss, we shall name it after him."

"I don't believe that will work either, Lord," Chronobob answered quite logically. "That bit with the Allen Parsons Project was done in one of the Austin Powers movies."

"With Mike Meyers?" his temper flared. "He thinks he's so funny with his wacky voices and his goofy wigs. After destroying the Gladiator, maybe I'll destroy him next. Ah very well, then, how about Death City?"

"Splendid, Sire."

"Indeed. Please continue with the experiments."


Karnov said...

The Pegasus Elite sure is a fancy looking ship to be sure. What's its MPG?

Anonymous said...

I was kinda leaning towards




Wedge Antillies said...

How about "The Torroid Terror"? or the "Death Doughnut"? Now I'm making myself hungry.

Professor Xavier said...

Like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."

Magneto said...

Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it."

Professor Xavier said...

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

Professor Xavier said...

Back when Magneto and I were still friends we use to watch that movie at least once a month.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Okay, I get the picture White Tigers, Lords of Death, guys in funny suits throwing plastic explosives while poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake, huh? Sure, okay, I see Charlie Chan, Fu Manchu and a hundred howlin' monkey temples, and that's just for starters, right? Fine! I'm back! I'm ready, goddammit let me at 'em!

I had roommates in college who would do that every weekend, except with the Doors.

Anonymous said...

now you know how I felt when trying to choose my blogger account name

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Chronobob's space station looks like something a Rancor who eats too much fiber could make at the end of a long day.

and all I know is that this character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goshdamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds while he just STANDS there waiting for me to drive my ATTA straight through him with LIGHT coming out of his mouth!