Thursday, May 25, 2006

I approached the exhaust vent

Still avoiding the enemy fighters, I bounded up to the pipe.

Suddenly, laser fire struck one of the fighters and it spun off, exploding into the inky black of space. The other two fighters turned at retaliated against their aggressor, but they were no match for Jan's piloting and the Pegasus Elite's shields.

"Go get 'em, kid!" Jan yelled to me through the radio.

"Kid? Who you callin' a kid?" I called back in mock anger.

I got close to the pipe and I shoved the banana into it. It looked like it was holding, but then the skin split and the insides of the banana spilled out.

"The banana's not working!" I said.

"Well, figure out something," Jan answered. "If those two clowns in the station get their act together, it'll mean --"

"Game over," Hudson interrupted.

I took a look at my surroundings. I was on the outside of the Death City, there were no trees or watermelons or anything that I might be able to use. I couldn't see any loose piping or couplers that I might be able to jury-rig for this, either. What could I use? What could I use?

"Hurry, Jon!" Hudson's voice cracked over the radio. "we're running out of time!"

Then I remembered a piece of advice that Fluke Starbucker gave me as I was leaving Big Brother: Naboo.

"Jon," Fluke said. "If you ever get into a situation where you need to shove some sort of object down an exaust port or tailpipe of a space station, use a raw potato instead of a banana. The banana is mushy, but the potato will be more rigid."

Silently saying "aha!" to myself, I pulled Jan's potato from the storage pocket on the space suit and shoved it into the pipe. It stuck fast!

"I got it!" I exclaimed. "Where are you guys?"

"We should be flying over you now!" Jan called back on the radio.

The ship, with it's underneath cargo doors open, slowly drifted up over my head. I fired the cable from my Wristcomm up into it and the magnetic grapple stuck fast to the bulkhead inside the ship. I quickly hoisted myself up and into the bay, then I dove for the door button and punched it, yelling "Go! Go!"

Jan gunned the engines and I tumbled to the rear of the cargo bay.

Death City's reactors began overheating because of the stuck exhaust pipe. They quickly went critical and exploded. Shockwaves hit the ship, but she kept going. Soon enough, we were far away from danger; Jan and Hudson ran into the cargo bay.

"We did it!" yelled Hudson. "We did it!"

Jan and Hudson hoisted me up and helped me get the space suit off.

"If we never have to plug the exhaust port of a space station and outrun the explosion again, I'll be happy," I breathed out in relief.

"That was pretty lucky," Jan said. "Speaking of luck, where's my lucky potato?"

"I used it to plug the pipe," I answered.

"You what?!" she yelled back, more angrily than I could ever have imagined.

"The banana didn't work," I started to explain. "I needed something a little more solid that I could shove in there and -- ow!"

Jan punched me in the arm. "You stupid jerk! You blew up my lucky potato!"

"You wanna go back for it?" Hudson suggested.

"No, I don't wanna go back for it," she sniffed at him. "I want my lucky potato."

"Well it was lucky for us," I answered. "We never would have been able to blow up Death City and stop the evil Garth Vaders without it."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Jan conceded.

"Hey, to make it up to you, I'll take you out to dinner at Big Roy's Space Station Diner," I said. "I love their special."

"Oh yeah?" she perked up a bit. "What's their special?"

"Mashed potatoes," I grinned.

"Why you...." Jan snarled, then laughed, then her image froze.

Hudson began to laugh then his image froze.

I grinned at Hudson, then began to laugh myself, then my image froze.

Cue group shot of us laughing. Freeze. Cue wangy guitar. Cue end credits.


Karnov said...

Hot potato, hot potato... potato potato potato.
Mashed Bananana...

Jaina Solo said...

Why don't you go to Dex's Diner? I hear it's pretty good!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

So so sad. You saved the galaxy from the evil of Garth Vaders, destroyed a evil villains death ship, stopped the ageofier (or what ever that thing was, but all froze to death at the end. That is the saddest story I have heard in the last 5 minutes. *blows nose*

Hey if you and Hudson froze to death, then who is going to run LGS. Not Simon, please not Simon.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

This comment has been removed because it linked to malicious content. Learn more.

Anonymous said...

Sure now we are gonna be hearing endless jokes about Tater Tots.

Curly fries and the like.

Bring em On.

Professor Xavier said...

I'll say one thing for that Jan. She got grit. Lots and lots of grits.

Professor Xavier said...

Grits are made from fried potatos. Get it?

Professor Xavier said...

And not to open a can of worms here, but I think "potatos" is spelled with an 'e' after the last 'o', as in - potatoes.

Gyrobo said...

Wait, what version of what browser are you using? The encryption thing works fine in the newest versions of Internet Explorer, Firefox, and Opera.

Gyrobo said...

Were you trying to paste text into the gray box? You need to paste into the white box and hit either the encrypt or decrypt button.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Jaina -- We would visit Dex's but it's a long time ago and a galaxy far, far away from where we are right now. It's just easy to go to Big Roy's.

Jaba -- Potatoes! CHIPS! That was funny and I didn't even know it!

Professor -- Grits are actually milled corn. I had to look it up.

Gyrobo -- It works for me now. Wierd huh?

Professor Xavier said...

Ah well. You can see how often I get into the kitchen.

Lori said...


My image froze!!!.LOL

Anonymous said...

hey anyone got bacon bits sour creame?