OK so who's this other Garth Vader?

I looked at the dark figure in the doorway and my jaw dropped.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator looked at the dark figure in the doorway and her jaw dropped.

Dr. Chronobob looked at the dark figure in the doorway and his jaw dropped.

Garth Vader looked at the dark figure in the doorway and his jaw dropped.

"You are not the real Garth Vader," rumbled the dark figure in the doorway. "I am."

The dark figure stepped forward, flanked by two of his troops.



The evil crooner glared at us, then opened his mouth and let loose a horrible howl:

"'Cause I've got friends in low places,
"Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis
Oh, I've got friends in low places."

Jan, Chronobob, and I clutched our ears and stumbled back from the sonic assault. Garth Vader (the one with the glasses and blond hair) stood fast.

"You think you can destroy me?" he roared. "I am not so easily defeated, asphinctersayswhat."

"What?" came Garth Vader's (the one in the cowboy hat) reply.

"Exactly!" Garth Vader (the first one) sneered with a goofy, but evil grin. He then pulled out a pair of drumsticks and started playing the extended drum solo from Inna Gadda Davida on the wreckage of the GNAT device. The sonic vibrations from the beats and fills caused the other Garth Vader to take a step back and hold up his arm in an attempt to deflect the onslaught.

"Wait," said Garth Vader (the second one). "There's something I must say."

"What is it?" asked the metalhead version of Garth Vader.

"I just wanted to say that I quit the business," he announced. "I feel that my talents and efforts are not appreciated, therefore I feel it is my time to retire from the evil conquering the galaxy business."

"Uh, OK," the other Garth Vader looked around slightly confused. "Good."

"Oh and one more thing," the Stetson-clad Garth Vader continued. "I would like to announce my return to the evil conquering the galaxy business."

"Huh?" asked the first Garth Vader. Jan and I looked at each other and shrugged.

"Oh, I have another announcement to make," Garth Vader (the country music superstar version) announced. "I would like to say that I am now retiring because I feel that my talents are not appreciated. Now I would like to announce that I am un-retiring. Now I wish to retire to spend time with my family. Now I am un-retiring again. Hey look! Now I'm Chris Gaines! Now I'm Garth Vader again. Now I wish to retire to spend time with my family. Ooops, I just got divorced, guess I'll un-retire again. Well, it's been a long road, but now I have to say that I now wish to retire. Nope, I'm back."

"Wait, are you retired or not?" asked Garth Vader (the other one). "I'm so confused!"

The Garth Vader in the cowboy hat ignited his lightsaber and stepped forward. "Don't make me destroy you. We could rule this galaxy together as villain and sidekick!"

"OK, I guess I'll join up with you. NOT!" The Garth Vader with the glasses ignited his own lightsaber.

The two charged each other, blades flashing and crashing against each other. Jan and I slipped out of the room and headed down the corridor.

"How long do you think that will last?" Jan asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "But it was pretty lame."

"Yeah," she replied. "Now what?"

"Let's get Hudson and get back to your ship," I replied. "I have a plan."

What's Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's plan? Stay tuned to find out!