Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hudson: Not Last Gladiator Standing

As everyone now sees, I am not competing in Last Gladiator Standing. Jon begged me to participate, he said "Hudson, pal," he said. "Last Gladiator Standing needs real superstars. Not these watered down wanna-be's like some old starship captain or faceless clone. We need you Hudson."

"I just can't do it," I answered. "It wouldn't be fair to anyone else at all."

"How so?" asked Jon with a puzzled look on his face.

"Because, Jon, I would simply beat everyone at every challenge. Hands down. End of story. Game over."

"I remain skeptical," Jon harrumphed skeptically. "What would make you the Last Gladiator Standing?"

"Because I am a gladiator."

"What?"

"Well not in name, title, or recognized by any intergalactic gladiating governing body, or even by the general public, but the blood of the gladiator runs deep in my veins."

"What?"

"Trace my lineage back," I insisted. "You'll see plenty of gladiators..."


"Start with Ancient Rome, my great ancestor Maximoose Hudson liberated the gladiators from an effete, impotent ruler who had an unhealthy obsession with his sister."


"Flash forward a few thousand years and you'll meet Hans Hudson, one of Germany's greatest bare knuckle brawlers."

"Didn't he get chopped in two by a bomber's propeller?"


"Yes, it was tragic. It doesn't stop there, though, this is Sampson Hudson, one of Mexico's most famous wrestler-slash-movie stars.


this is Rocky Hudson. Philadelphia’s greatest boxing legend. His triumphant rise from nowhere was inspired."


"Don't forget his cousin Hulk Hudson, who despite knowing only two and a half wrestling moves and having a punch that swung like a rusty barn door, rarely lost a match in his entire career."


"And last but not least, Hudson Moon. Not much is known of this mysterious stranger from the outerest reaches of outer space, but he was a Hudson alright. From head to toe."

"OK, if that's what you say, Hudson," Jon replied. "Seems pretty far fetched to me."

"OK, OK, then how come planet Hacknor has never been invaded by a hostile alien force?"

"I dunno," Jon shrugged. "Is it because there's a planet full of the universe's best warriors here?"

"Wrong."

"Is it because of Hacknor's rich history of sports gladiatorial entertainment?"

"Nope."

"Is it because the Queen's 8th Fleet is stationed just on the other side of Hacknor Prime?"

"Nope. Nope. Nope."

"Then why?"

"It's because I'm stationed here at the Colonial Marine Garrison."

"Yeah," Jon answered. "OK."

Game set and match. The victor: Hudson.

15 comments:

Wedge Antillies said...

Attaboy, Hudson! I bet you even carry elephant repellant in your duffle bag. You da man!

Oops, I seem to have dripped some tetosterone on my flight suit, damn!

Captain Berk said...

Oh dear.

Clearly you haven't been unfortunate enough to fall victim to my karate chop/forward roll combination attack.

No one has ever withstood it.

Or my lothario-esque charms.

Vegeta said...

( Watches as Hudson talks to a picture oF Jon making both voices Backs out and walks away.)

Professor Xavier said...

I'm sorry, did you say "watered down wanna-be's?" I'll have you know I founded the X-Men. You've heard of them right? Saved the planet from numerous bad guys.

And what did you do, Hudson? Wet yourself at the first sighting of a xeno-morph.

By the way, I clogged up that little hole you drilled into Maggie's wall.

Professor Xavier said...

I'm sorry, did you say "watered down wanna-be's?" I'll have you know I founded the X-Men. You've heard of them right? Saved the planet from numerous bad guys.

And what did you do, Hudson? Wet yourself at the first sighting of a xeno-morph.

By the way, I clogged up that little hole you drilled into Maggie's wall.

Private Hudson said...

Hey, I save the galaxy all the time, I just don't do it in brightly colored spandex.

And I didn't wet myself, it was sweat. Lots of sweat.

Private Hudson said...

Hey, I save the galaxy all the time, I just don't do it in brightly colored spandex.

And I didn't wet myself, it was sweat. Lots of sweat.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Don't worry about it Hudson, I know that you are a true hero...AHHHH LOOK BEHIND YOU, IT'S A XENO-MORPH!!!!!!


What a rube, he falls for that everytime.

Let's see if I can only post once.

Professor Xavier said...

Ha ha!!

Professor Xavier said...

Ha ha!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Hudson would have been the first to lose in LGS!

Local Henchmen 432 said...

Hey Hudson,

The Hacknor home shopping network wants their credits for the bike I totaled...Haw haw.Dental foe all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

And your last outfit looks a little TRONish. Maybe you should go play Pong or something.

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