Thursday, July 14, 2005


I got a call from a friend last night, he was really troubled and didn't know where to go for help.

"I need help, Jon," Steve said. "I don't know where to go. I am afraid my son Tommy is falling into the wrong crowd. First, he was so sullen all the time and he never did his homework. Now I think he ran away to join a gang."

"I'll check it out," I say. I go to my weapons locker and look at my inventory (remember, Jr. Intergalactic Gladiators, always keep your cache of weapons in a securely locked place). Most of the implements like the Lasar Trident and vibro ax are probably too powerful for what I want, so I grab the vibro bat. Hopefully I won't need to use it.

I head out to the seedier side of town and I see a big showdown between what appears to be several different gangs. They were all in a circle and they looked like they were ready to go at it with their weapons: knives, broken bottles, pipes and bats.

"I'm looking for Tommy," I say to the crowd. One kid looks at me, he's about to speak when another steps in front of him and crosses his arms.

"This ain't Tommy, no more, punk!" He spews. "He's T-Dog now, and he's staying right here with me, dig?"

"I just have a message for Tommy, that's all," I assert. The leader isn't backing down though.

"You have a message, huh?" He sneers. "Well, you'll have to go through all of us to deliver it, what do you think of that, huh?"

"You tell, 'im, Switchblade!" Shouts a gang member.

"Yeah, we'll show him what's what!" Chimes in another.

A chorus of "Yeahs!" come from more of the gang members.

"Listen, gentlemen, I don't want to start anything..." I thumb the "on" button on my vibro bat.

"Too late, punk, you're on our turf now and you're going down!" And with that, the gangs rush me. I knew it was going to come to this and I take them on.

I quickly take one of the bigger guys out and kick him into a broken down refrigerator. "Time for you to cool down," I say.

Next, I knock out 4 more cretins and roll them up in a moldy, dirty carpet. "Say no to rugs."

"You guys are all wet," I add as several more are dumped into the river.

"Get that chump!" Shouts Switchblade.

Several more jump, I dispatch them all one by one. I have clever lines for them all. Finally, it's Switchblade, T-Dog and a pile of moaning goons.

Switchblade takes a swing at me, I dodge it and gut punch him. He bowls over with a huff of air, but quickly brings himself back up to full height and launches another attack. I dodge his charge, but a chain from another gang member suddenly snakes itself around my hand, keeping me from using the bat. The gang member pulls the chain and I release the bat, letting it sail at his forehead. The Punk slumps down and I dodge more swings from Switchblade.

I send a low kick to his shin and disable his leg, I follow up with a chop to the shoulder and a hip toss. He scrambles back to his feet, favoring his good one when I send him sprawling with one more kick. I look over at "T-Dog."

"I guess that's it, huh?" He says to me. "You're taking me back home, aren't you?"

"No," I answer. "I just came to give you a message. Your parents love you very much and they're worried about you. They also know that you're on the verge of manhood and you have many conflicting feelings. Your father wanted you to know that he and your mother care for you and want only the best for you."

With that, I walk away, dazed gang members still sprawled about.


Steve called me "Jon, I'm so happy, Tommy's come home and he's doing his homework! I don't know what you did, but I owe you big time, buddy. What did you say to him?"

"I just let him know that you cared for him and wanted him home."


Master Yoda said...

Better choreography, that gang needs. If their dancing skills they improved, unstoppable they would be.

Leia said...

*clap clap clap*

flu said...

I'm glad you taught them a lesson.

Last time I ran into that bunch, they were all hunched over, coming at me slowly, snapping their fingers with really limp wrists, taking criss-cross steps, moving closer...closer...closer...

I freaked and split.

But ever since that day, I've committed myself to learning each and every dance I could, so that if I found them again...I'd be ready