Monday, November 07, 2005

"Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, your galaxy needs you."

I've heard that plenty of times before. Once again, I stopped to look who was talking to me.

"I am Special Agent Plovo of Her Majesty's Secret Service," he introduced himself.

"Her Majesty's...?"

"Yes, Her Majesty the Queen of the Galaxy," Plovo answered. "May we talk?"

I didn't see why not. "OK," I answered.

"Jon, this is a very delicate situation. Queen Galacta is on a galactic goodwill mission, touring this sector. Her Highness very much wishes to tour Earth along the way."

"Most people on Earth are unaware of her existence," I said. "Earth is a very long way away from acceptance into the galactic community. Why would she come here?"

"While it is true that your planet is very..." Agent Plovo paused to find the correct word. "...Primitive, Her Highness still wishes to visit. It will be very discreet. Just Her Highness, myself and another agent and you. She wishes to remain incognito while on Earth, and she would like to see your planet from an Earther's point of view. Her majesty wants to see Earth in ways the guidebooks and the Holodocumentaries cannot show."

"That's why you need me," I concluded.

"Yes," he answered. "Being a man born from Earth, I assume that you have firsthand knowledge of your home planet."

"Does She wish to meet Earth leaders?" I asked.

"Oh God no," Agent Smith answered. "She just wants to see the sights. You could simply think of her as a very secret, super important, galactic ruler on holiday. She just wants to see the sights while she is in the area, so to speak."

"Well, Earth is a big place," I said. "But I know a few neat places around here."

"Very good," replied the agent. "I must remind you that discretion is of the upmost importance for Her Majesty's Royal Visit. The Queen has enemies and should anything happen to her, the resulting chaos could very well spell the end of our galaxy as we know it."

"Sure," I said. "I'm in. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Very good. She does not yet have a set itinerary, but she wishes to visit several places: the Aurora Borealis, the Fortress of Solitude, that Great Wall in China, and Wrigley Field."


Karnov said...

"Candygram for Mongo"

I think you should also take her to Dave & Busters too. Nothing beats a night of Hard liquer and video games

Master Yoda said...

Sure waht to comment, I am not. So use one of your copy and paste comments I will.

Boy, Larry King sure loves his prune juice.

Oh, and...

A Force wedgie you will receive.

Lori said...

In these cases something always goes wrong!!!

Have a great day!!!

Professor Xavier said...

Might I also suggest the Giant Ball of Twine in Kansas? That thing really has to be seen to be believed.

Carmi said...

There's a James Bondish theme running through this entry. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I sense its presence.

You wouldn't happen to have blonde hair, would you?

Loved your previous entry, BTW. I like comments, too, but I like comments where people READ my entry and THINK about their response before hitting Post even better.

You very nicely put it all in perspective.

Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

Haha... that silly, silly agent Smith.

JawaJuice said...

"Sure," I said. "I'm in. What could possibly go wrong?"

Did you try resetting the phased redundancy pile of your IP Configurator?

Captain Typho said...

What does a god need with a starship?

Son Goku said...

Oh great! I"m going to have to keep my eyes On Vegeta now. He 's had some run in with the queen in thep ast and I think he's still wanted for crimes against the universe. This isn't good . And Uh what does a starship need with a god? wait that's not right.