Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Queen's Arrival

I stood there in the field with Agent Plovo, awaiting the arrival of Her Majesty, the Queen of the Galaxy. A scout ship landed first, the second agent who would be with us got out.

I ran up to him "Hey aren't you that private that keeps yelling 'Game over' whenever you see an Alien?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, but I surived two encounters with evil aliens. I totally got promoted, man. I'm not Private Hudson anymore, I'm Agent Hudson." he beamed and held out his hand to shake mine.

I looked over at Special Agent Plovo and he gave me a quick shrug. Agent Hudson then held up his finger and held his other hand to his earpiece. "The Queen is approaching."

A light blinked in the sky and slowly started moving across the heavens like a meteorite. It then started moving faster and towards us. The light grew brighter and it slowly descended in front of us. We were completely bathed in the warm radiance, but I could not look away.

"Announcing, Her Royal Majesty Queen Galacta IX," announced Plovo. The bright light shimmered and subsided. It was replaced by a tall humanoid of obvious regality. Her countenance was shining from within her very being. From deep within her soul, everything that was beautiful and bright in this universe shined outward and in all directions. She was the Queen of the Galaxy.

I gave a bow, "You Majesty, it is my pleasure to meet you. My planet is yours to enjoy."

"Rise," she commanded. "Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, we have heard much about you. Your strength, honor and courage is a credit to your species."

"Thank you, your Majesty."

"Please dispense with the formalities," she encouraged. "You cannot be calling us by our royal title while here. It would arouse too much suspicion."

"As you wish," I answered.

She started pulling out galactic travel brochures and pamphlets. "Earth is mostly quarantined, we do not want the unsavory elements of the universe tampering with your planet's development. But there are many wonders to behold here." She held up the brochures. "The Lost City of Atlantis, the Great Pyramids of Egypt and the lost city of the Mayans!"

She dropped her royal facade for just a moment, "Oooh, are we going to see my Great, Great Grand Uncle Quezecotl?" she squealed.

"We may," I replied. "Let's get started."


"Tell me again what this is," she looked it over and over.

"That is an authentic Chicago hot dog," I replied. "There is nothing else like it. It has yellow mustard, bright green relish, fresh chopped onions, two tomato wedges, a Kosher pickle spear, two sport peppers, and a dash of celery salt. Be careful, the peppers are hot."

She took another bite. "Ooooh, this is so good. What is this 'hot dog' made out of?" she asked.

"Uh, basically all kinds of meat crammed into a casing," I answered a bit sheepishly.

"I have tasted many grand foods in all of my days as Queen of the Galaxy. Never have I tasted a delicacy such as this," she took another bite. "Thith ith tho delithouth," she added through a mouth full of hot dog and bun.

"I'm glad you like it," I replied. "Truth be told, I do not eat these very often, but every once in a while, I get a craving and a Chicago hot dog is the only thing that could satisfy it."

"Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, I have something to speak to you of the upmost importance." She leaned closer, I could smell the onion on her breath. "You are a charismatic and noble man, you are to be my Royal Consort. You will produce several strong offspring for me."

"Queen Galacta, there is something I must tell you," I said.

She leaned closer, her lips neared mine....

Will Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and the Queen of the Galaxy kiss?

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Master Yoda said...

Both a pickle and pickle relish a Chicago hot dog has? Why that is?

Oh, and kiss this girl you should not. Married you are. Besides, know where her mouth has been you do not.

Karnov said...

Something about the hotdog leaves too much foreshadowing... Don't be her "Intern"

flu said...

Master Yoda, the relish is sweet, whereas the spear is dill. 'Spice of life' thing.

Jon, you must decline. You're already a marred man.

flu said...

whoops, I meant married.

Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

It's tied right now.

Professor Xavier said...

First of all, about the married guy kissing thing - please. We are talking about one little kiss here. If she leans in for the kiss and he wimps out, Jon could create a major diplomatic incident that could lead the Earth being destroyed. Regardless of his own desires, he has to take one for the team.

Second, the description of the hot dog has gotten my mouth watering and I have to go get some food now.

Third, I was suprised a few posts ago when you revealed that you operate out of Chicago. I thought all the best super-heroes were based in NYC.

flu said...

Wait Jon, it seems her eyes are outta whack. Are you sure she's not meaning to lean into Mr. GameOver>

Lori said...

She may be just testing you!!!

Have a great day!!!

Vegeta said...

Unsavory elements in of the Univerese? Guess she doesn't Know I've been on Earth for years now. you shouldn't Kiss her besides being married there are a lot of alien species that have acid tounges weird pisions , and things that grab on to your tounge I learned that the hard way.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

You're married, and anyways, she is wearing an awful lot of eye make up, she really might be having vision problems, and hasn't seen your wedding band.

You do wear your wedding band, don't you?

Oh, and to get out of a situation like that, you can always point over her shoulder and go 'holy smokes, what is that!' if you need more, I have some experience, or maybe Hudson could help you out.

And no smoochies!

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