Thursday, November 10, 2005

"There is a traitor among us."

The Queen's words echoed through my head. I had to think quickly. I was certain that I was not the traitor, the Queen wouldn't be the traitor, that leaves the two agents.

"Oh man," said Agent Hudson. What were the chances of Hudson being a traitor? He just got promoted and he has a Colonial Marine's mindset, which means rigid discipline and blinding loyalty. He would very likely march to his death should the Queen order it.

That leaves Plovo. I don't know him, but he is the most likely candidate. I aimed my sonic stunner at him; he aimed his blaster at me.

"Plovo," I said. "Please drop your weapon."

"Oh no," he said. "You drop yours. I have loyally served Her Majesty for over 8 hyperspans, roughly equivalent to 8 of your Earth years. I have no reason to turn on her. You, however, are some jerk from a backwater planet. You spurned the Queen's affections and then led her to the radioactive meteor. Clearly, you are the traitor!"

"I have no reason to turn on her," I answered. "You are the traitor among us."

"Am not!"

"Plovo, I order you to surrender your weapon," commanded the Queen.

Instead of complying, Plovo fired the weapon at me, I raised my armlink and the shot hit it, the sonic beam discharged and hit Hudson, he crumbled to the ground crying "Oh man, game ov-ov-ov, m-mm-mm-mn--"

I kicked the gun from his hand, he turned and ran. I picked up the gun and chased after him as the queen leaned down to look at Hudson.

My lungs began to burn as I ran after him. Trying to elude me, Plovo dumped over garbage cans, pushed past street musicians and innocent bystanders, then he upset a street vendor cart and even broke through a large plate glass being carried by two burly movers. Despite his frenetic getaway, I remained close behind him.

He turned down an alley, but it was a dead end. He looked left, he looked right, he looked up. There was no place to go. He desperately began hitting buttons on his Hyperlink Communicator.

"You fool," he hissed. "Galactor will bring order to the galaxy. The queen is weak! She cannot protect the universe from the evils that conspire against it!"

"So you propose to install a ruler as evil as Galactor to protect the galaxy from evil?" I questioned. "I may be just a 'simple Earthman,'" I made quote marks with my fingers for emphasis. "But that's the stupidest... that's completely nuts!"

"I am not 'nuts' as you call it," he snarled. "It is a great plan. My brain is evolved."

"Aw geez, think about it, Plovo," I tried to explain. "His full name and title is Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord. Evil Galactic Overlord! He wants to destroy this galaxy and everything it!"

Thinking I was distracted, Plovo lunged at the weapon in my hand. We struggled with it for a minute and with a zap, the weapon fired.

Silence. Plovo had a surprised look on his face. I had a surprised look on my face.

Another moment of silence.

I made a quick check, trying to feel any pain. None.

Plovo looked stunned. He then stood fully upright, "Are you hit?" he asked.

"No. You?"

"No," I replied. "I'm fine."

"Well, OK." With a war cry, Plovo charged me, I flipped him over my shoulder and aimed the weapon at him.

"Give it up, Plovo," I said.

Plovo sneered. "You're not going to shoot me," he said as he stood up.

I set the weapon to a higher level.

"I know you," he continued. "I've watched you fight in the Intergalactic Gladiator Entertainment arenas. You're not a killer."

A light filled the sky over us. "I'm not going to let you get away."

"Oh look, my ship is here. I am afraid that I'll be leaving you now."

I set the weapon to it's kill setting. "Don't make me fire."

"Heh heh heh, you're not going to shoot me."

I fired. "Wanna bet?"


I returned to where the Queen and Hudson were and I found them in a deep liplock. A smile creeped over my face and I chuckled.

"Oh," the Queen looked up. "Where is Plovo?"

I tried to think of a very witty action hero line to say. "I shot him."

"Then the man who has conspired against Us has met his traitorous end," the Queen declared. "Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, you have proven to me that you are an exceptional man. It is Our honor to Knight you."

I dropped to a knee, Hudson handed the Queen a long Vibroblade.

"It is official, you are now Sir Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator, Protector of the Queen and Her Galaxy. You may rise."

I stood. "I am honored, My Queen," I said.

"The honor is Ours," returned Queen Galacta.

"Now all we need is some clever line to end this story." I rubbed my chin and said "Hmmm."

"Game over?" asked Agent Hudson.

We started laughing.


Master Yoda said...

Around you, exciting things always happen.

Kind of like that woman's life on Murder She Wrote, your life is.

Karnov said...

"Did you try resetting the phased redundancy pile of your IP Configurator?"

flu said...

Bravo, Sir Jon!

I'm glad she didn't accidentally lodge that Vibroaxe in your shoulder with those walleyes of hers.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Fluke, howcome you keep launching caustic remarks about her eyes? Did she spurn your love?

Lori said...

Sir Jon....Well done!!!

Have a great day!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

An excellent story, there!

JawaJuice said...

Just like watching some James Bond movie.

From Galactica with Love
For Your Walleyes Only
The Spy who Almost Kissed Me
A Vibroaxe to a Kill
And..On her Majesties Secret Service
(Although that last one is kinda stupid. Who would name a movie that?)

flu said...

Her eyes are quite different, like they're hard to see with...

and as for the spurning...

*lip quiver*

I... bu... she... it's ju...


never-you-mind that

Professor Xavier said...

Does this mean you are going to change the title of your blog, "Sir" Jon?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

No no no, it's just plain Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator.