Freedom

Are we still mad at the French? Are we still eating Freedom fries instead of French fries? I’m all for that, because Freedom fries sound so cool and who wouldn’t want the opportunity to stick it to the French just a little bit? It's like shooting frogs in a barrel.

That being said, don’t forget that France wasn’t the only country the US was mad at. We were also mad at Germany, Turkey and Russia, too. So I guess it’s Freedom chocolate cake, Freedom delight and Freedom dressing for everybody. Then we could have Freedom potato salad at the Freedom Tea Room after our visit to the Freedom bath.

You can go to a restaurant and order a salad with Freedom Dressing or Freedom dressing!

In fact, I am mad at the Dutch, Canada and Italy, too, so it’s Freedom dressing on Freedom bacon in my Freedom oven. Rocky Balboa to me is the Freedom Stallion and I look forward to the migration of the Freedom goose every year.

Might as well add Sweden and Ireland to the mix as well. I’m going to have my Freedom Meatballs and Freedom Spring soap, The Freedom Chef, Freedom step dancing, Freedom herring, Freedom whiskey, Freedom coffee!

Hey, I’m not stopping there, either. I’m gonna stick it to Columbia, Mexico and Japan with Freedom neckties, Freedom midget wrestling and Freedom gardens. I’m on a roll now, so it’s going to be Freedom, not Chinese, food; Freedom, not Norwegian, Cruise Lines and I am definitely going to keep all of my money in a Freedom bank account in Zurich (I’ll stop and get a Freedom Army knife and some delicious Freedom chocolate while I am there).

But you know what? I am so mad at Turkey that I’m not even going to refer to the bird by that name. This thanksgiving, I am going to serve Freedom. It’ll be Freedom with Freedom fries and Freedom dressing.

I can’t wait to hear someone say “I am going to eat your Freedom.” Actually, now that I think of it, that sounds a little creepy. I can’t picture anybody saying that, except maybe Donald Rumsfeld.